After the loss of my Father on May 14, 2011, I must now conclude that, even though life will never be the same, I will have to exist without him. Whether it is temporary, or another step in the healing process, I see a small glimmer of light flickering in what I have come to know as my "darkest days". At least my mind is allowing me to to do something besides focus on my Dad's last days. Since my "family and friends" seem to have disappeared, I took the initiative and reached out to a preacher, a support group, and people on this website. I have realized that as human beings, we must all face a loss/multiple losses, during our lifetime. Although death is certainly the most devastating, all of us will face losses of many types repeatedly. A preacher told me recently that it looks like I have built an invisble shield around me. I have decided to escape my "imprisonment" and explore my "new world". I'm sure my flowers, animals, and life in general, will welcome me back. This is going to be a huge step for me because, not too long ago, I wanted to join my Father. I believe my Dad is watching over me and I can only imagine the hurt and pain he was going through watching my slow, downward spiral, after his passing. I sometimes hear him reassuring me that he is happy and comfortable in his "new home", with the Lord. Although his life on Earth has ended, he is holding my hand and guiding me through the rest of my life. His unconditional, and abundance of love for me, will never be overlooked, or forgotten. May he give me the strength to continue my lifes' journey, without him by my side but, always in my heart. While writing this, I have accomplished something that has never been easy for me...I had to wipe away the tears.