Bereavement Support Group
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I'm 27 and my mom was 66 (I was born a generation after my brother) I had just seen the new star wars movie with my dad and brother that day, and came home before heading to work. She asked how I liked the movie and such, good mom stuff. Then I went to work, and not even 30 minutes into my shift (busy retail) apparently I received several missed calls saying that there were first responders outside my parents house, the next from my dad saying she's being rushed to the hospital. A neighbor and family friend rushed to my workplace to alert me of the situation and they took me to the hospital in a rush. I go in to find my Dad in there borderline devestated in the ICU, where they were going in and out of mom's designated room with blood packs, continuing CPR, giving defibrilation shocks, etc.
Apparently she was just reading a book in the upstairs computer-room while my dad was out picking up her perscribed antibiotics for an infection on her leg that was located where her dialysis AV graft was. The graft burst and she started bleeding profusely. She made her way from the room to the master bath leaving a massive trail of blood and evidence of her attempts to stop the bleeding along the way, where she soon later lost consciousness on the bathroom tile after calling 911 and then my dad.
She had her heart revived several times in the house before being rushed to the hospital, and officially she died in the hospital, but she already had irreversable brain damage before ever being rushed out of the house. When the physician came over to my dad, brother and I to tell us that she'd never wake up because she went too long without oxygen to her brain, that's when it completely hit me that that was the last day I'd ever see my mom.
She was married to my dad for over 45 years and they were friends even longer before, so not only has my world been turned upside down, my dad's been barely able to function without my mom around. It was just so sudden, like every hope we all had for the future, just broken to pieces. It was the absolute worst feeling deciding to carry on the family Christmas tradition this one last year, because mom was always so excited for the holidays and getting to see her family all together. I had already wrapped the present I got her just a couple days before she died, and my brother did me the favor of opening it in her place on Christmas day.
I've already had some bad memories of the Christmas season, with bad bouts of anxiety/mania during that time of year, my mom would always research support methods, and in general be my advocate and help me heal just by being there during those difficult times. Now without her, I feel completely lost. She was my best friend.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Mom-sized holes are horrible, and holidays without them are just devastating. I went to Thanksgiving with my then boyfriend now fiance's family that year but Christmas was awful, my siblings and I in my mom's house and it just felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, there was no holiday magic at all. The three of us disbanded this year for the holidays with our respective S/O (my siblings are married)
I don't know what to say that would even be remotely helpful... everyone grieves differently, even within the loss of the same person. Memories bubble up with fondness, sadness, sometimes anger even. Significant moments in life come with this sting of "I wish my mom were here" even amazingly positive ones, from my experience, particularly positive ones.
I guess the only advice I can give is to listen to yourself. Let the tide of grief be, that's one thing I had to learn. I had to learn that some days, even weeks, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Some days I just wanted to sit, that's all, just sit. Know you can grieve, and give yourself the space and permission to do it, it's something I thankfully figured out pretty quick once I learned to follow my grief instincts, that somehow I actually did know how to.
It's hard, it's horrible, and it bubbles back up when you least expect. I am so very sorry you are going through this. Particularly when it was so sudden. I wish your family all the best in your separate and collective healing, your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. *hugs*
Continue to vent and let out the grief.... A RL group might be a good support for you as well..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
My mother's passing was not unexpected, but dad's was. At least to me. He was not in the best health, but I did not see it coming that fast.
I like your wording. Mom holes and dad holes can be hard to fill. I guess that I am trying to fill those holes by being the best parent to my kids that I can be.