Hi Marie
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I can't imagine going through something like that.
"there are no words". I do some counseling including grief and bereavement counseling. What you're going through has got to be one of the excruciating of life experiences. There are groups, therapists, bereavement counselors in most areas, but you have to be ready to deal with the flooding of emotions as you begin to process this loss. Is there someone close to you that you can rely on during these dark days? If you want to private message me, I would love to be your friend. So sorry for the loss of your son. Mamie

Huge hug of comfort and a blessing..... I am so very sorry for your loss...... I think a RL bereavement group for people who have lost children might be a big help for you..... A dear friend of mine lost her daughter a couple of years ago and she found a group like this very helpful and formed some ongoing friendships with a couple of other mothers' .... Another hug for you..... I'm glad that you're here.....xo

Thank you to both of you for your replies. I'm trying to sort out what I need, I have so many feelings going on right now it's even hard to think straight at times. I have 2 daughters my oldest has 2 children, so she has understood a little what I'm going through, the other daughter feels that I'm sharing and talking too much about my son especially on Facebook, she has been very angry at me and that doesn't help as we have been close over the years and she has distanced herself from me since our son's service. So lots going on with dealing with my son's loss, it's been hard.

There are stages of grief and we may go through some of them or all of them and not necessarily in the same order.....I believe that's why people can pull apart rather then together at this very painful time
I would ask your daughter to let you grieve in your own way..... You are all hurting right now and your daughter may be angry at her brother..... That wouldn't be unusual or wrong
Another hug and a blessing

Stages of Grief

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

Hi Marie: I too lost a son...for me it had been 14 years.....so I know the heartache you are feeling....he was 26 at the time and now would be going on 41.....I will never know if he would have gotten married and had a family.....and because he was an only child.....I will never have grandchildren......it helps me so much that I know he was a Christian, and I will met him again one day.....only I don't want to wait that long.....he died suddenly of a viral pneumonia....one day he was working with us......the next day he's gone......it still, after all these years....boggles my mind....I have been walking this sad journey for a long time now....but it never gets any easier.....somedays are better than others.....holidays are still brutal....but saying this, I have to let you know that you will feel better...you will once again laugh...and even look forward to tomorrow.....

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I guess his death was just as much a shock as my son's. I know what you are saying about your faith, I'm a Christian and I don't know how I would be able to face each day if it wasn't for the grace of God. I still go through every day missing him and dealing with so many emotions. I still feel days that I'm going to hear from him and that this is all a bad dream. I fight guilt so much and feel like I failed him. I hope to be able to laugh and enjoy life again but now it's a daily chore.

I'm so glad to hear you are a Christian.....I can't imagine going thru one minute knowing I will never see my son again....we will have eternity together..............as for all your feelings, that is so normal.....every one of them.........guilt, disbelief.....over time those feelings will lessen, and memories of happy times will return.....one emotion I tried not to get into is anger.....because who would I be angry at...........my son...for leaving me.........or God for taking him......I try to remember that God alone knows this exact pain we are going through......He watched His son die too....if you had a do over......and knowing you would lose your son....would you choose not to have had him in your life?