Karenv: I hope that your co-workers and boss are very sensitive, and your husband would be a little easier on you. January 5 is like, brand new! Even if there was a time limit, under a month is totally not expected or appreciated, at all!

March 8 will be 3 years for me, and I have been through a lot in the loss of my son. Fortunately, my job and husband were extremely helpful. No one has told me to "get over it" or even insinuated it. (and my husband and I were still separated at the time). We even, sort of, got back together after that, well with some issues still to deal with. But, even 3 years is nothing. I still ask a lot of whys, wondering if my son is still near, where is he, can he hear me?

I hope you give yourself however much time you need, even if no one else does. I have been to some grief groups and read some books on the topic, and the one thing I learned, is that there is no time limit and grief can be like a roller coaster with some days up and some days down. (or even hours for that matter) Everyone's experiences is their own, as well as how we deal with everyday life. My son's death really changed my life, mainly I think that my heart has softened towards others a great deal.

I'd suggest some books on grief for both of you, but not sure if your husband would be interested in them. Please be gentle to yourself.

Be.the.light.

Big hug for you Karen.... I am so very sorry for your loss..... Grief is painful and it's hard to go through.... This is so new and raw.....
People grieve in different ways and different times..... I don't know if your husband has gone through much grief?
A support group in RL might be a good support for you.... xo

Karen how old was your mom, not that it matters. everyone says sorry for your loss, so i won't all we can do is to never forget, and to miss them forever. this is a great site let it out tell us some stories about her i would love to read them.

My Mum was 85 years old when she died.& 7 years ago she had a very bad stroke that left her totally paralyzed and unable to swallow or talk .The doctor,s then told my brothers and i that there was nothing they could do and that she would have possibly 2 years more to live and that would be 95% spent in bed .My mum proved them wrong she learned to walk again ,got her swallow back and fought to regain her life back .She went back to her home with the help of a daily carer coming in to help her with cleaning ,bathing etc .In the end it was old age and not being able to fight the pnemonia she had .No matter what age she was i miss her so much and i guess thought my mum would live forever .My husband lost his mum 4 years ago ,he never grieved openly with me or talked about his feeling ,i always told him that i was there for him if he needed to talk but he never did .I feel he expects me to be strong for my children but i am finding it so hard to get threw each day right now .

Hi Karen,
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. I can relate to your description of feeling like you can't even breathe from the feelings of loss. I also felt that way after my grandmother passed away. It was like the pain and sadness was so heavy in my chest, it took my breath away. It has been six years since my grandmother passed away. She was 92 years old. You are right, it does not matter how old the person is when they die, we miss them just the same. I am not sure if the pain ever fully goes away, but for me, it has lessened a bit over the years. I have found comfort in my faith, and in knowing that a part of my grammy lives in me and in my children everyday. Give yourself time, and be patient with yourself. Sending you love and prayers...

I lost my Mom on the exact same day as you did, Jan. 5th, so it is still fresh. I can't quite believe it is true. Yes, getting that call-it is what we have dreaded and feared all our lives.
Perhaps joining a bereavement group would be helpful, possibly now, or further down the road. I am planning to join one and I'm going to meet the therapist today. It is important that you have a safe place to go with your feelings and know you will receive compassionate support.
Sending you a hug.

We all grieve in our own ways. It can be very hard for people to deal with the way another person handles grief when it is so different from the way that they do.

When my dad died he was the last of my birth family. (lost my mother a year prior to my dad, and my sister a couple of years before my mom) My wife lost her dad about 30 years ago, and she is very sympathetic, but she really did not understand the loss of my birth family issue, still does not.

I guess I'm trying to say that it is not uncommon for spouses to not fully understand how we feel the loss. This does not mean they do not care, it just means that way we feel our loss is different from them, and sometimes they just can't wrap their heads around it.

You will find a new normal for yourself, but it will take time.

Gentle hugs

Mum lived in the UK, and the funeral date hasent been set, i know how you feel greaving is so hard to do, I've not been able to greave, i just can't. But I'm sending you very big hugs and your in my prayers

Thank you Billybob ,you will grieve when you are ready ,everybody grieves in different ways .Give it time

I am so sorry about your Mum. I lost my mom in June of 2015. I still cry about it. Your loss is brand new. Your grief is proof that you loved her. There is no time limit.

Getting those calls are devastating. Unfortunately, you will never get over it. I wish I could say the pain goes away after a while but you really just make room for it and most likely will feel it everyday. When my mom died, she told me she was ready to die but I was not ready to let her go. Even when I got the call I had to see her for myself. I put my head on her chest that wasn't moving and didn't hear a heartbeat. I was inconsolable. I thought I would never be able to even function with this pain. And people think its only emotional, no. I felt a physical pressure in my chest, I had trouble breathing, my legs would get weak. Then my dad died this year and I had to go through it all over again. I miss them everyday but you shouldn't worry about other people. Focus on your grief and dealing with it. I made the mistake of putting others first and burying my grief until I just couldn't anymore.