Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Hello, this is my first time on this site. 1.5 weeks ago (June 24th) my fianc passed away completely unexpectedly. He was a very active, healthy 31 year old and he collapsed from what they are calling sudden cardiac arrest. I am in a state of such shock, disbelief and an overwhelming sadness that I feel as though I can't function in the real world anymore. I feel like I am walking around like a zombie, not able to truly grasp reality. I have read all about the stages of grief and i feel as though i am experiencing them all at once. One minute I am so sad, the next I am angry that this is happening to me, the next I find myself expecting him to walk in the door. I am just searching for people who understand what i am going through or have been through and can offer anything that might help me in the time of great need. I know other people (his family, my family, friends, etc) are all grieving as well but i feel as though i have no energy to offer sympathy. I feel like every ounce of energy i have is being used just simply to keep breathing. Can anyone else relate?
I lost my fiance years ago, and I relate to a lot of what you've written. I could barely function those first few months especially. I was having enormous anxiety as well. My fiance was a healthy 43 year old, and he too had a sudden heart attack or stroke - he went into a coma - never came out of it, and his son and I took him off life support a week later because he was brain dead. It was total shock! It was like they say - the rug gets pulled out from under you. Life turns into a nightmare and every day is a horror. I remember watching tv shows, like Judge Judy, and being so furious that people "like those" could still be walking this earth - people who sued their children over a car, or a best friend taking her friend to court - while my wonderful, thoughtful, kind fiance had been taken from this life. I couldn't listen to music that reminded me of him. I couldn't steam and eat broccoli because it reminded me too much of "us." My mind started doing weird associations like this! I lost a few friends during this time, people who weren't supportive (good riddance!). I will never forget those nightmarish days. What saved me was depression meds, anti anxiety meds, individual grief counseling, but especially a grief support group I attended once/week for people who'd lost their spouses and partners. This group saved my life. I looked forward to going to this group so much. Feeling like everyone understood the horror of losing a partner, having people share their stories, the camraderie, even the laughter! surprised me totally, that we could even laugh! - this was such a great gift. I was one of the lucky ones who started to feel better within months.
Kelly, again, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss of your fiance. 31 is WAY too young. Life can be horribly cruel, and I'm so sorry.
I think EVERYTHING you're experiencing is totally normal. That's probably no consolation, but please know that you are NOT going crazy. I can relate to everything you're going through.
It's a nightmare, but something someone told me I have found true. I lost my fiance in 2002, so I can say this from my perspective: given some time, and you won't believe it can be true, but the sharp jagged edges of grief will start to smooth over and it WILL become easier to bear. It's just hanging in there until that happens that's the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do in your life. It was for me.
I'm so sorry you lost your fiance Kelly. Big Hugs to you!
Kathy
Kathy- thank you for responding. I am going through all those same experiences. I find myself looking at complete strangers and even people in my life who are talking about "normal" things and getting so angry that they could think or talk about anything else other than my fianc (Andrew). I was also curious if you found that people expected you to "get over it" quickly? I know my family and friends don't expect me to be back to normal but I kind of feel like some of them just don't want to be in the place of absolute devastation where I am living now so they kind of pull away. Did you find that as time went on your circle of support shrunk pretty significantly? I found a support group that I will be starting this week so I am happy to hear you found it so helpful. Thank you again for responding it is so comforting to hear from someone who has survived this hell.
in April 2013 and I know exactly how you feel. You are not going crazy or anything. When it first happens we are in shock and numb. It takes everything for you to put one foot in front of the other. Do whatever
you can to take care of yourself. Try to eat, drink water, sleep when you can, take your meds (if you're on any), vitamins, try to take a short walk......In the next few weeks find yourself a support group, either through church or hospice in your area. It may take a few tries to find the right one but, once you do it will be a tremendous help. Keeping coming back to this site....everyone here is so helpful and understanding.....they all "get it". As Kathy wrote "the sharp edges of grief will begin to smooth over".....it will happen and you will make it through.....it just takes time and we're all here for you every step of the way. Wishing you peace and strength, Pam