Sam,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose a parent, and there is never a "better" time or a "better" way. It is all different shades of bad.

However, ....

You are in a good place here, lots of us have lost a father (or other loved family member) and can relate to your situation. We all know that there are several things we needed to manage our losses: time, support in real life as well as online, and a good bereavement class or some form of therapy outside of family.

Can you share a bit more about your loss? How old was your father, is your mother still alive, do you have siblings, do you have a significant other to share things with???

Gentle hugs

Hello,
My father was 72. In 2014 he was diagnosed with colon cancer metastisized to liver (stage 4). He underwent 52 rounds of chemo. He was a strong man, until his body just started giving up on him. I have 3 brothers but I was the one that went with him to his doctor appointments. For some reason, he always depended on me when it came to deciding what route to take for his treatment. I can't forget how he looked at me everytime we went to oncologist. Like if he was seeking for hope and wishing for me to tell him that everything will be okay. I feel I betrayed him because at the end there was no other words of hope that could come from my mouth. All I could tell him was to have faith and that we were all there for him. I knew he was tired, he would tell my at the end that he could not handle this anymore and I told him what a great fighter he was and that he wasn't letting us down. I was damn proud of him for putting up such a great fight. He was a strong, smart man, and also a great father, with mistakes and all, but we are all human. Now I know he's in a better place where there's no more pain, but how do I move on with my life? It is so hard. I am married and my husband doesn't seem to understand fully what I'm going through. He says I should have been prepared for this moment since he was ill for 3 years, but it isn't easy. I don't think he's there for me like I would've expected and this hurts too. We have three children that need me and I force myself out of bed everyday to feed them and get them ready for school. I don't want them to feel like I'm not there like I've always been. Some days are worse than others. I do feel like I'm alone in this. My mother is taking it pretty well and my brothers too. I think that the one that's torn into pieces is me. I really hope that with time I can heal.

Big hug for you Sam.... I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain that you're in..... Grief is so very painful and I'm sorry to read that your husband is not supportive .... Perhaps he hasn't experienced loss so he doesn't understand it

Regardless of whether someone has a long illness or not, not seeing them again still comes as almost a shock to the system and pain in our hearts

A real life support group might be a big help to you...... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

Hello Sam,

Just by your caring words, I can see that your dad was indeed a brave man! Sweet of you to remember him in this way. And you write so fondly of him that I melt at the thought of his warm & tender eyes moving towards you in search of assurance. I am so proud of you for staying nearby; your dad is just as proud of you, I'm sure!

Good thing is that you may live day-by-day knowing that you cared very much for him during his last moments, and you did this with quiet goodness, service & commitment. And as you expect this, time does heal. But you must not lose hope. As mentioned earlier in this thread, we've all been touched by dramatic changes so we can relate to what you are experiencing. Sad & sorrowful that we are, the Lord always faithfully reaches those of us suffering in deep despair. So please keep your prayers fired-up with faith. And the Lord is so pleased with your own efforts thus far. I know that with young children it's not always easy to keep up the energy & you will have to push at it for now; things improve over time. Great news that your mom & brothers are coping well.

And Sam, it's to be expected that your husband feels that you should have been prepared. I know this idea seems cold & unthinking of him. Only with him saying this it is only his innocent opinion, and it does not indicate that he is not supporting you; this is unfair to assume. Your husband and children love you and want to be supportive. Though, I do agree with you on one idea you share; he simply doesn't understand in full at the moment & he will process along with you over the course of time. Thank goodness that you have your husband & dear children as a leaning-pole. Along with plenty of shared healing time, your emotional needs will become much more perceptible to your husband. For now, rest assuredly in his strong arms & his loving care for comfort.

✎❥ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ

(((α нυg ιѕ α ѕмιℓє ωιтн нαи∂ѕ)))

Life's journey is a path full of options; sadly not all the options are desirable. You did a wonderful job of being with your father; I can only hope and pray that when my time comes my wife and children are as strong as you were.

I strongly believe that none of us really understands a loss until we have suffered that same loss. We lost my FIL first, almost 30 years ago. then 5 years ago I started losing my birth family. In order, my sister, my mother and my father. My wife had a long time to deal with the loss of her father and she was a huge help for me. But she does not understand what it means to lose your entire birth family. She still gets a bit upset at me when this topic comes up. Your husband will not really be able to understand you until he suffers a similar loss.

What worked for me was to accept that my wife was and is doing the best she can. At some point she will understand that losses compound. (Her mother is in her mid 90s, so any day now we could lose her, and my wife will understand the "lost both parents" part of my loss and she will be closer to understanding my feelings.) Just saying that give your husband some slack, and understand that he may not be able to understand you just now. But it will come.

sooo, welcome to DS, and I am truly sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for your kind words. You are of great help to me at these moments. Blessings to all of you.

...kind of you to share your thoughts & feelings, Sam. We all want for you to be stronger. God bless you as well...thank you.