I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost my sister about 5 years ago, but she was in her late 50s, so the question about who she would have become is not an issue. It hit our mother very hard, but she was already in dementia, so it was hard to fully assess the impact.

I hesitate to talk about what losses are worse than others, but I would put the loss of a young child way at the top. I do wish we could shoulder your burden for a while and give you relief, if only temporary.

I took a bereavement class after the death of my father, and it helped a lot. (He was the last of my birth family to pass away, and that made it hard for me.) I saw that a lot of people in the class had stalled at some point in their grieving process. Once they started to figure out that they had stalled, and found some options to get going again, they made some real progress.

It is OK to be happy after a loss, no matter how traumatic or deep of a loss it was. Being happy shows no disrespect to the one you lost. You did not say how old your daughter was when she died, but from your profile it sounds like she was rather young.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. Please feel free to vent all you want to here.

Gentle hugs

I'm so very sorry for your loss and the pain that you're in..... Someone very dear to me lost her daughter just over a year ago .... She told me shes in agony everyday....
I think getting out to celebrate Amy has helped her .... My friend and her boyfriend regularly visit her grave and talk to her.... They had a cake for her birthday and had balloons.... They work at trying to celebrate her
It's so hard... I hear what you're 'saying' Pepper...... A person passes in a day or moment but they have often lived many days.... and grief just play hurts
This is a good site.... I'm glad that you're here.... Big hug......xo

She died 2 hours and 37 seconds after she was born in My wife's arms

Big hug and a blessing.....xo

My mother lost her 3rd child, he was still born. I was at most 4 years old when it happened; I have no independent memory of that time. All I know is what my parents (both are departed now) told me.

It may have been the time, IDK, but mom and dad seem to have gotten over it. Or not, we never really talked about it.

Do you and your wife have other children?

Nope we just gave up to it really did a number on us just miss her alot

Oh, I am truly very sorry to hear that, fatherless. I also lost my oldest son 11 years ago. He was 24 1/2 years old. I think it was very apparent that he also had bipolar disorder. My daughter has also since had a miscarriage, and I think the losses of different ages have different contexts but no differences in significance. I also ruminated for a very long time about what I should have, could have, and would have done differently that might have kept him from passing away. At least, in the way that he did, and at the age he was. But over time I have come to realize that it is not that simple, and that we are all human. There was an incident I thought of once that helped me put that into perspective. One of my best friends once lived in a mobile home park, and a neighbor of hers accidentally ran over their 4-year old son. That is a very blatant and horribly tragic event. For me it was a personal one because I didn't just read about it in the paper or hear it on the news. I looked across the small street in the park and saw in real time exactly where it had happened. So it drove it right straight home when I pondered the question, was there something that parent could have, should have ,would have done differently? Of course the answer is yes, and the possibilities are obvious. When I then applied my scenario with the same questions for myself, it was then that I realized that I was no more at fault than the poor person who lost her four year old child the way she did, either.

It is important for us all to give ourselves the time and space to grieve, in the way and length of time that we need to give ourselves. I hope that is helpful, fatherless. And many hugs and prayers for you and your family, should you not be opposed to them!