I am so very sorry for your loss.

In the last 6 years I have lost, in order, my sister, my mother and my father. I am 64 years old. When my sister died, my focus was on my parents, it hit them (especially mom) very hard. When mom died I focused on dad. When dad died it hit me very hard.

Please consider letting others in. I took a bereavement class in real life, and it really helped. It is a chance to explore emotions with people you are likely never to see outside of the class. If the emotions scare you, or you feel embarrassed by them, it is one of those things " what happens in class stays in class". As we get more comfortable dealing with our emotions it gets easier to let our emotions out with family and friends. That is where I found true healing.

I have learned that no matter how similar our losses are, there are parts of loss that we all take differently, and there will be certain aspects of our losses that others may never get. But we can't let that stop us from trying.

Gentle hugs. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here, but pleased to meet you.

I am so sorry you are going through this pain. It hurts, to say the least. It's a part of life that you don't want to go through. You think that you won't go though something this hard. Beleive me, I know. I know what you are going through. Coming from me, what I say won't be just empty words that have no meaning.

I lost my mom 10 months ago (on New Years Eve). I was her care taker and the one she turned to the most (even though she was in a nursing home). It was taking an emotional and mental toll on me and after 6 or so years of slow decline and being diagnosed with dementia (with other cognitive issues) and COPD, my mom is gone. In the first 3 months, I didn't want to hear "She is in a better place" or "She isn't suffering anymore" and the statement "It will get better". It seems too cliche. Everyone says that. They mean well, but some really don't know.

I have been going through a grief program, so I am still learning about things. I may not give the best advise, but I want to be a comfort to those in the same boat.

But things WILL get better. It won't be easy and you won't return to normal. You will find a new normal. After the 3rd month (going into the 4th month) I found myself smiling again, then chuckling, then fully laughing. I felt guilty about it though but have learned that my mom would want me to smile and laugh. She would want me to go on with my life.

I pray that you can see that your mom would want you to go on, smile and even laugh when the time is right for you. Don't rush through greiving, though. Let yourself grieve your way. And don't let anyone tell you differently. Grief comes in stages and each stage takes time.

Hugs!

My situation is different because I lost my son in February and a 6 month hospital stay from a burn injury. He was 14. I understand alot of your feelings and emotions. Besides the devastation of my son being gone my biggest issue is the loneliness. I have been divorced twice and I have no other children. I am 43. I have my family and they are great but I know what you mean about isolating yourself. I do it without even realizing it. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry. I do actually feel better after I cry. At least for a little bit. I have discovered that even when I am with people (family, etc.) I still feel alone. I am really battling this. It's a hole that can't be filled. Nothing will ever make it better. I know only God can help me with this and give me comfort. You may not be religious but this helps me. Even though the words come out of my mouth, it is easier said than done. Sometimes when I am really busy or distracted it is good because I am not dwelling on him not being here every second. So I wish I had better advice. I'm ok one minute and then overcome with sadness and loneliness the next. I just try to take a little happiness when it comes. Which is not alot but some. Even though others came and went I had my son there with me always and now he is gone. I pray it gets better for you!!!

Thank you all so much for your kind words.. it does help some knowing that I'm not alone in my pain.

Big hug for you Always.... My mom was the person I was closest to and her death was a massive loss to me as well.... I have lost my birth family now and grief is a bitter pill to swallow

I agree with Pepper that a RL Bereavement group can help you to work through some of your feelings.... As cold as it might sound grief truly is a process that we work through over time

If you think that you're sinking lower then I would see your family doctor.... Grief can trigger depression

Big hug for you and a blessing.... I still feel my mom with me and it's not the same sadness as it once was... Now I can even laugh when I think of some of the light of heart moments that we shared.... I feel blessed for how she enriched my life..... that takes some time to get here though.....xo

Hello,
I know exactly what you're feeling. I lost my dad on September 7th. I miss him so much. I feel like I can't move on with my life. I feel confused and unable to do stuff I need to do, just the basic stuff that I have to do for my family, but it takes alot from me. Everything surrounding me keeps going, in other words life keeps going. I don't think your mom or my dad would like us to be unhappy. I am a mother and for a fact can tell you that the day that I leave this world I do not want my children to stop living for me. I want them to move on and live happy lives, knowing I would always be in their hearts. I know this will take time, but my dad and your mom are in a better place without a doubt. You don't mention a husband/wife or children but either way you have a life ahead of you! Don't give up and have faith. The same goes for me, I need to realize that by thinking so much all the time, I won't bring dad back. Hugs your way and stay strong.

I could have written this myself. My Mum passed 31st of July. I am 36. I don't have any parents now. I hate this.
Sorry for your loss. Hear if you need to talk. X

Thank you

I'm glad that I found this discussion. AlwaysAlone, and everyone else on this thread, you are not alone in your grief. But I feel the same way, that no matter who else is around, nothing will every fill the great emptiness in my heart. I lost my Mom on August 30. It was after a long battle with end stage COPD. I am 39, will be 40 in December. At first I thought that I would be ok because I had been responsible for her care and I knew that she was suffering and it was time. And I got to be with her when she died. But I feel like the pain of the grief is getting worse as time goes on. Today I am having a terrible day, can't stop crying, telling my Mom out loud that I miss her so much, that I need her, that I wasn't ready. I wish that I could get a sense that she can hear me or that she is near, but she seems farther away from me than ever. I have a daughter and co-parent with an ex-husband, though I have my daughter 6 days per week. So I muddle through as best I can, trying not to burden my daughter with my pain, but I am distracted and forgetful and having a terrible time. Then when she is is gone to her Dad's, like she is today, everything comes to the surface and I feel completely overtaken by sorrow. Anyway, I don't mean to being you down more but I just wanted to say that I understand the feeling of aloneness, of feeling alone even with other people around at times. I try to remind myself to be grateful for my family that is still living, and that I am lucky to have known the love of a wonderful mother when many people did not receive such a gift. It's so hard to get through this but we just have no choice, and I have to believe that it gets better.

Applejack .. reading your words made me feel less alone .. not worse. I completely understand how you feel. I still have to go to work every day and pretend that I'm ok for everyone else's benefit. But as soon as I'm alone, I'm done, I cry and cry .. I tell mom that I need her and miss her just like you do. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your pain is all too real to me.