I am so very sorry for your losses. I watched how my parents dealt with the death of my sister (at about age 55), and understand some of the framework of what you are dealing with.

I have learned that each of us had a different bereavement journey no matter how alike or different our situations are.

By all means, getting a support network established is very important. We can support you here, but a real life group would make a good addition.

3 days is a very short time to process this loss, so being overwhelmed is not unexpected. You are not broken, your life has just had a very significant change.


I can caution that your 17 year old's GF and best friend are on different paths than you. At some point the GF will move on and have a new BF. But we never get to "replace" our lost children with new ones. Never.


Can you schedule skype time with your significant other in Scotland? This may be a huge form of support for you. Do you have other family members that you can call on?


Gentle hugs

I am so sorry for your losses, I lost my son in May. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I would like you to know that I am happy to sit, cry, scream, shout and try to make some sense out of this with you. If this is something that will help please message me and we can exchange contact details.

Im very sorry for your loss. I cant imagine losing a child let alone two. My heart goes out to you. I lost the love of my life 7 months ago and still dont reganize this new life of mine. I miss him more than my heart can take but theres no choiice but to accept that he is gone. I want him to just come home so i csn be happy. I do have a daughter and cant fathem losing her. You will be in my thoughts and i hope moments of peace and joy find their way into your life

I lost my son 8 years ago and it is still hard. I always have a fear in the back on my head about losing my daughter. We have a few ladies in FMO that have lost 2 children. My sons girlfriend was a mess for 2 years until she finally started to live again. She also is the mother of my grandson. It will take time to find a new normal for you. I do hope posting your feelings do help you get into a better place.

Sending you a hug
Penny

How are you doing?

I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and this group can help as much as we can. Much love and prayers to you.

I am so so sorry to hear of the tragic losses you are journeying...ForMomsOnly is a member group here on Daily Strength that was formed for grieving mothers. We have a couple of mothers that have lost more than one child...heartbreaking.

I will cut and paste a link for you.
Gentle care,
AnnM, President of ForMomsOnly

Here is a link that you can cut and paste to your browser and then join ForMomsOnly here on Daily Strength

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/formomsonly

Your losses are so raw and fresh and I am so terribly sorry that you have had to endure the unthinkable not once, yet twice.

What a fallout of emotions and every feeling this is for you. Thank goodness for your dear friends and I'm sure you are very concerned about your son's girlfriend and his friend.

As you know there are no timelines with sorting through their belongings and I could only do a small amount at a time and allowed my heart to take the lead with it. Some of the moms had quilts made from their children's shirts etc., and I would have liked to do something like that, yet didn't think about it.

Learning how to live with this loss becomes our life's work and as one of our dear mom's on FMO reminds us, "We are their memory keepers." Hearing and speaking their names heals us and in time when you are ready I look forward to getting to know your sons and you.

Caring~
Joanie

Thank you all for your replies and your support. I go about my day in a cloudy haze. I come home from work and fall apart. My house is empty. The loneliness is deafening. Every where I turn I see my boys. There is no laundry to do, no food needs to be prepared, no one in and out of the house slamming doors. There is nothing right in my world. My children defined me. My whole adult life I have raised kids. No idea how to be a family of 1. My heart breaks.

My brother committed suicide at the age of twenty six and it was absolutely the worst thing that happened to my family. It left everyone heart broken and to be honest broke our family apart. There were no more gathering for holidays. My mother said you can loose a mother, father, sister, brother, but there is nothing any
worse than loosing a child. My heart and prayers go out to you. I lost my love and best friend of over fourth three years and I don't know if I will ever get over loosing him. I feel I have no purpose and pray that God will guide me and let me know how to go on living. I am good at hiding my feelings from people so everyone thinks I am handling the death of my husband great. Little do they know everynight I ask God to take me so I can be with the only person that I truly loved
with all my heart and soul. My husband told me that it's easier to die than to live and I now know what he meant by that statement. My heart goes out to you knowing that you lost both of your son's. One of my favorite songs is "ONE DAY AT A TIME." I pray that God will give you strength to get through your loss. I know I get angry at him and ask him why he thought it was necessary to take my husband. It might be his way of making me more humble I don't know but I do know I will be back in my husband's arms one day and what a wonderful time it will be. May God be with you and help you get through this difficult time.

My heart breaks for you I cannot imagine going through this again.

Please know you are not alone.....there are so many people praying for you right at this moment. I lost my son 14 years ago......he died of a viral pneumonia.....one day he's here the next day he's gone. He was my only child so I too know the agony you feel......I will never see him marry or I will never be a grandma.....my heart aches. My son was 26 years old......I do have a husband so I'm not in the same boat that way. I hope you have a relationship with God...because He alone knows the heartache you feel. I couldn't have gotten thru that time without my faith. Please find a support group you can attend....even for the simple fact that you will have a common ground....grief....talking with a minister will also help....will your partner be staying in the fall or does he have to return to Scotland.....maybe you should go with him....just for a change. We live in a small town and I can't tell you the times I wished I could live somewhere that I don't know anyone and no one knows me and my circumstances. One day a lady I met asked if I had any children.....I said no....and then I had such an incredible feeling of guilt and betrayal.....I'll never do that again.....I say yes I have a son.....but he lives in Heaven now.....please know I have been praying for you since I read your letter...you are surrounded in love by all of us reading you story.....one day you will feel better, your normal will never be the same, but you will find a new normal....one day at a time.....one minute at a time....one step forward.....thinking of you often...........