Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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Loss of my boyfriend

rw18
rw18
Just over 12 weeks ago my boyfriend suddenly passed away, totally unexpected and with no warning whatsoever. He was 25 years old. I was with him for about a year and a half and I know that may not seem like long but we were so happy. He really was my soulmate, I pictured spending the rest of my life with him. The day he died one of the first things his dad said to me was he told me you were the love of his life. He was the love of my life and I just don't know what to do without him. He was the one my future was based around. people keep saying I'm only young and I'll find someone else but I don't want anyone else. He was so perfect and made me so happy, he was truly one of a kind. The whole time we were together he never once upset me or hurt me, we were just made for each other. How can I ever find anyone to replace him? I don't want to replace him but I can never love anyone like I love him or feel as loved as he made me feel. I just feel so lost without him and I really don't know what to do or what to feel. Is it normal to still feel so lost and hopeless even 12 weeks on? I still dont want to believe its real and I don't think a day has passed where I've not broken down in tears. Everyone keeps telling me I'm so strong, but i've never felt so weak. Its easier to put on a brave face around people coz if I cry, then they get upset and that just makes me feel worse. I know I'm not but I just feel like the only person in the world whose going through something like this. Nobody I know has ever lost anyone they love so young, its just not normal for it to happen though is it? I just want to know if there is anyone else out there who can understand how I'm feeling?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel exactly like you do. We have all these thoughts that just pop into our minds. I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and he was only 33. We had 12 great years together and 2 children. I feel completely and utterly lost. People tell me in time things get better hopefully in time you will heal but never forget the love the two of you shared together.
Melismarie
Melismarie
I lost my boyfriend 7 months ago tomorrow. It is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Especially being young. You feel like all your hopeless plans for the future have been shattered. Within the first few months of his passing, I wanted to hold onto anything and everything that would keep me connected to him. I still feel this way today. I even went to a very expensive medium and was able to get some sense of closure. I believe that there is no timeline for grieving. And you can't listen to those who say "just move on." It's not that easy. But, I will say, that I am having more good days then bad. The first year is the hardest. I keep thinking of the upcoming holidays and knowing I spent those with him... I wish I could skip them this year. Hang in there!
NutritionMagician
NutritionMagician
I feel exactly as you do. I also sent you a friend request because I think we can support each other. I lost my boyfriend yesterday to suicide. He was 24 and we had also been dating a year and a half. I feel shattered and destroyed. It's too soon to tell what will work to heal this wound. We had plans of moving in together and getting married. We had tons of inside jokes and so much of him and his personality became a part of me. With him, I felt as though I was set for the rest of my life. We never fought. We had the best times together. I feel so awful that he had so much pain that he couldn't share with me and felt the only way was ending his life. I feel angry and hurt and alone. Please know that I am here for you, even in my fragile state. Helping others will help me find purpose again. I am so genuinely sorry for your loss and if you ever want to chat, I am here.
rw18
rw18
Thank you fir your replies and I am so sorry for your terrible losses.
The worst thing I'm finding is we still haven't got a cause of death and its 13 weeks on now. We are still waiting for the coroner to give us the results of the post mortem. People ask what happened and look at youlike your sstupid when you say you don't know. They also jump to the conclusion it was drugs as he's so young but I know for a fact he wouldn't touch them as he was totally anti drugs.
I just miss him so much and even just walking round seeing couples holding hands makes me so jealous. I feel too young to be sat at his grave as everyone else I see at the cemetery are all really old. I just don't understand if there is a god out there ehy they would let you fond someone so perfect, let you plan your life with them and then just take then away with no explanation. Its not fair and I'm sure you all feel the same.
NutritionMagician
NutritionMagician
It's not fair. I find myself questioning god and why he let this happen. I can only take comfort in the fact that he loves me so much, and that love is giving me strength to be strong. Your boyfriend loved you. Take comfort in that. I would not trade my year and a half with my love. I'm so sorry you are feeling this. I hope that you get the answers you need very soon. Take care
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im 35, and I lost my boyfriend one month ago. His death was ruled an accident...I was there the night he died, he drank too much we had a fight and I left. I found him the next day. I regret Everything about that day. I still think If I had not left him, he would not have fallen and died.
I can not imagine my life without him...I cry at everything. I stare at our pictures. I cant talk to people because they have nothing to say but...time will heal...or its time you move on. Move on? How do I move on? I had built a life with him...we had plans for a future. Its all gone. I have known him since I was 8 years old...we finally got together after I was unhappily married for 10 years.
Our love was real and amazing...we were meant to be together. When we kissed it was like nothing else existed but us. We slept so close and woke up in that same position holding each other.
I don't know how to move on...I don't want to move on... I want him back.
My family did not approve of our relationship for various reasons...so they are of NO help. His family lives far away..and were never part of his life..so they are of NO help. His friends have been good to me...but...they are now starting to go back to every day life. I'm the one who has no life to go back to! Who do I cook for/with? Who do I watch a movie with? Who can I talk on the phone to?

It is comforting to know there are other people going through a similar situation... My life goes on for my 2 children...they will always get me through...they are my light. However HE was my personal happiness...like he was my other half...he completed me. I am lonely and sad without him :(
Squeege
Squeege
i can't believe people say your young, you'll find someone else. People do mean well but geez
Squeege
Squeege
to ckrr, i definitely relate to your story
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel! I lost mine 6 weeks ago and I am 24 years old he was 34. It was completely unexpected and my entire future was based on him being in my life and having children with him. I wanted nothing more than to become the mother of his kids. We were trying to put ourselves in a good position to start a family. He had just told his brother a week before that he was ready. ( I didn't find that out till after he had passed) He told me days before what a great mom I was going to be. Now I don't want kids anymore and don't see that changing. I can't imagine ever dating again which i'm actually ok with the part that bothers me is everyone telling me i'll move on. I know in my heart that I couldn't love someone the way I loved him and that i'll never be that close to someone again in my life. I've cried everyday for the past 6 weeks. My chest is sore, my eyes are puffy I get dizzy and lightheaded. I too don't want to believe it's real and will sometimes get these moments of clarity where it hits me and i feel like i'm going to pass out. I feel like our age only makes it worse because very few people can relate. I know i've lost a couple friends over it. If you ever wanna talk send me a message i don't know how much I can help but sometimes its nice to know your not alone especially at our age
barbarame
barbarame
This is SO painful, isn't it? You are all too young to already be walking this path ((MOTHER HUGS)) to you all - cry it out and use your personal journal that you have here. It helps and you can elect to keep it private.
tas09
tas09
Hi. Today is the 2 year anniversary of the day my boyfriend of 3 years died suddenly. In our bed. He was 36. I havent been on here in well over a year, but today seems like the day. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you are going through, and what lies ahead. Right now, just keep breathing. You are probably numb right now and feel froxen in place while everything else keps moving around you. Hopefully you have friends and family to help you right now. I was already on anti depressant medication, and of course my Dr upped my dosage and referred me to a grief counselor. Nothing is going to make sense to you right now. Talking here was the greatest thing for me. I will be here if you need to talk. You will get through this.