Bless your heart ~ you have been thru some extreme trauma!! It's bad enough to lose one person at a time, but to lose most of your family ~ that is just too much! My heart aches for you. Words just don't seem enough ~ to say I'm sorry seems so trite.

Of course I will say prayers for you, but may I suggest that you talk with a grief counselor?? Hospice has some GREAT counselors and you don't have to have used their services to speak to their counselors. I used their counselors, and I'm so glad I did because I thought I was going over the brink when my husband died. I was really a basket case, as he died 12 days before our first anniversary. You really need some face-to-face support. Anyone would after what you've been thru.

We're all here for you Ron, any time you want/need to talk too. There are some great people here who have been down this road. I wish you the very best ~ and please know that grieving takes time. Try not to hurry things along. Also you have NOTHING to feel guilty about!!! Absolutely nothing!! You also may want to speak with your doctor about the depression and get on a temporary anti-depressant. Alot of us have had to do that. God bless you Ron, and take care of yourself. You're important too. Hugs, Lee

Ron,
My heart breaks for your loss. Of course you have bouts of depression, sadness and loneliness. But guilt? No. Don't do that to yourself. I agree with Leall - talk to you doctor to help with the depression. I personally take Xanax to get me over the anxiety and fearfulness I experience ever since my husband passed.
How is your 16 year old holding up? I have a 20, 18 and 16 year old and we are all in grief counseling. It helps.
Keep coming back to DS. i have found everyone on this site to be supportive, loving and knowledgeable about this awful journey we are on.
Blessings, I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Linda

Ron,
I want you to know that you most certainly are not alone while you are feeling these feeling. I lost my husband on August 26th and I sometimes feel so sad and lonely it is incredible, but the sun seems to still come out the next day. I also am on anti-depressants- welbutrin xl which I know has got to be helping me some. I also, many days wonder " how am I going to make it through this but then the next day it not so bad. I am slowly getting better but I think like you I need to find a face to face support group. We will make it through this! I am skylark

Hello Ron,
I am so very sorry for your loss. This is my first time here. I am usually over at widows. I was caregiver to my mom for two years & it overlapped with care of my husband. I lost my mom June 1st of last year just as my husband was recovering. Then in August he was diagnosed with late stage congestive heart failure. Unrelated to the first illness.He passed 6-15th. There are days I do not function. When I was going through cancer treatments several years ago I went on Effexor. It was so hard to come off. Right now I am using Xanax as I can use it only when needed. There are days at a time when I donnot hear a real voice. I am trying to care for over 100 acres & two homes. Thank God for my husbands dog. He keeps me getting out of bed. I know that I must seek professional help. I have one. Just he doesn't work for free. I will be trying a new group counseling service on Sunday. My church's only meets once a month & that does not get the job done. I hope you find a group that will meet your needs. Good luck & I will keep you in my prayers. Val

Ron-I am so sorry for the horrible loss you and your daughter have suffered. I really can't add anything more than what the other members have posted. What got me through the tough times when my Mom, Dad, and sister passed away was prayer. When I couldn't take it any more, I just said "OK, God, I can't do this any more-you can have it." And you know, I got through the day. Of course, for a while, this is how I handled things. But then one day, I thought about all the pain and sadness I had gone through, and had no idea how I did it-then I remembered my prayer. Now when ever I am in a bad place (I am unemployed 2 years and about to lose my house) I give it back to God, and somehow get through. I wish you and your daughter the best, and will add you to my prayer list. God Bless.
Kathy

Dear Ron, I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom was killed by a distracted driver last year. First of all 7 months is still very early in the stages of grief. And the thing about grief is that it's not linear in the way you heal, so the ups and downs are completely normal.

I actually took a leave from work 6 months after the crash and just let myself fully grieve and rest... I slept a lot and my body, mind and spirit needed it. If you equate your emotional trauma to a physical one - you would need intensive care!!

But even after the rest, I had many down days and in some way they felt worse because I now had a range of emotions. Rather than just being down all the time, I now had good days so the bad days did hurt a little more.

I, too, felt guilt after my Mom we had a little argument a few days before the accident. But I had to let that go because I know my Mom wouldn't want that for me.

Added to the grief of losing someone so suddenly is dealing with insurance companies and the legal process. I'm not sure of your situation but having to deal with lawyers added to our frustration and we felt victimized all over again.

Here are some of the things I have done to help me through this journey of grief... take what you think works for you or maybe even your 16 year old. Leave the rest, not everything will work for everyone

See a grief counselor (as others have stated hospice might have free services. I'm fortunate that my insurance covers a good portion of mine)
Take a good vitamin B supplement (the amount of stress on your body will be depleted and this is needed to keep your immune system healthy as you will be more suspectable to illness)
Anti-depressant (keep in mind you are supposed to feel sad, so talk to your doctor & make sure you don't react to a drug that makes you feel numb & suppresses what we all eventually need to go through). I actually saw my doctor fairly regularly in the beginning b/c I lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks and had a hard time keeping food down.
Books such as "I wasn't ready to say good-bye" and "The year of magical thinking" (I've also read many spiritual books)
Massage therapy - I store a lot of stress in my body and it's important take care of yourself physically
Talking with friends and family - it's important to talk about your feelings and not be afraid of them... I found many people want to help but don't know how - you need to let them know. For me I just didn't want people to be afraid of my tears so I could talk to them. Many people were afraid they were "making" me cry and I had to explain I was already sad and talking was so helpful

Here are some other things that might seem "alternative" methods that I never would have thought helped but I was so desparate to heal that I was willing to try anything and I'm glad I did

Accupunture - this did help me with the depression and my energy
Saw a medium - again, I never would have believed but this woman told me things about my Mom past and present and it gave me great comfort to know she was still with me.
Yoga and walking outside in the sunshine - the exercise and the sun helped w/ the depression and w/yoga it helped center me
Prayer and meditation - again it helped quiet my mind.

I also joined a group to help change laws in distracted driving and have been speaking to groups, media and my senators. I recently spoke in Washington D.C. as well.

And, of course, joined this group. I searced for many support groups online and found this was the best.

Blessings to you and your family.
Laurie

Dear Ron,
No words can describe the pain you are going through. I know because I lost two adult children years apart but both death were sudden. No time to say goodbye.The family was deeply traumatized. You are just starting your grief journey,a fairly raw wound of the heart that would take a while.to feel better.We're never the same but we can survive. There's a light in the tunnel,as they say as you take one day at a time.. My faith in God helped me,as He is the Only One who could appease my pain, counseling one to one or group support eventually have values of their own, journaling and writing to your loved ones who left suddenly do have therapeutic effects. Be patient with yourself as it tries to cope. Be with your son as much as you can as he is also
hurting I'm sure. Comfort each other with loving memories. Be with us. We love you. Hugs.

Hello Ron,
First of all, I am extremely sorry for your losses. You and your family will be in my morning prayer from here on out.
I wanted to tell you about a really good book I read. The author is a husband & father who also lost two of his family members at one time in a car accident.
The name of the book is: "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry L. Sittser.
Here is the Amazon link:http://www.amazon.com/Grace-Disguised-Soul-Grows-Through/dp/0310219310/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1290190326&sr=1-1
It is highly rated and I know it would bring some healing to you.
I also wanted to tell you about Griefshare. It is a place you can talk with others who have lost loved ones that would benefit you as well. To find out if there are any groups in your area please go to this link: http://www.griefshare.org/findagroup
Please feel free to add me as a friend and message me anytime.

Lots of prayers,

Tim (Jenaes dad)
http://myangeljenae.com

Ron, I am so sorry. I lost my husband three weeks ago. I thought I would die and wanted to. In order to continue living on I go to a psychologist twice a week. He has helped me in so many ways to understand my pain and how to handle it. It doesn't make the pain go away. I still cry, scream, and feel like I can't go on. But those times are getting better. I'm told to write down my feelings, thoughts, worries, and whatever else. Be productive in what you do by trying to answer any questions in a reasonable way that you may have. Accept what you write down. Don't keep going over everything in your head because that will only put you in a depressed mood making you go down more and more. We have to face the fact that our loved ones are gone and nothing will change that. But, would they want us to be like we are--sad, depressed and continuing on this path? I didn't believe this would work either but after my session today, I can tell myself that now I can at least get back to eating and trying to live. Force yourself--You have to for your daughter. You are her strength no matter how hard it is. Yes, I cry a lot too, but that's okay. Hugs to you.