Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I am a 50 year old woman and lost the best person I will ever know, my father, a few months ago. I loved him so much and can't bear to live this life without him. It is so painful that I have not spoken about it. He died of a stroke on a Sunday, i went to work the next day and took one day off as a sick day when I had to pick up his remains after they were cremated the following week. The only people who know he passed are my mother and sister. He did not want a funeral or to have an obituary written and we don't have extended family. He is/was so special that no one can possibly understand and I hold him so dear to me that I cannot hear 'sorry for your loss' from colleagues or people who never met him or knew him. That will feel like minimizing his value. I would rather be alone. I feel more comfortable alone so I have intentionally isolated myself from people and only spend time with my cat. I am aware that this sounds a bit unhealthy but I need to have a quiet life.
My father died on July 17, nearly a month ago. I have only cried once hard and a little bit while sharing about it with a group of friends, but I stopped myself from a full blown breakdown that time. I am feeling the exact same way. I don't want to talk about his death with people and the condolences are nice, and show me I'm loved, but, like I said I don't want to to talk about it. I am very tired, and down (usually I'm a happy person) and am hungry like you wouldn't believe. And I have two cats who I am spending a lot of time with. I'm thinking of finding a way to pay to go back to therapy so I can deal with all these conflicting thoughts I am experiencing. Just wanted to share. Thank you for sharing your situation as it is one that is very true for me.
When my father died (about 2 years ago now) it was the last of my birth family and it hit me hard. My wife found a bereavement class at a local hospital. I met several people there, but 2 women stand out relative to your experiences. Neither of them had any service for their loved one. One of them lost her husband and he did not want any service of any kind. The other lost her daughter to drug abuse and mental health issues, she felt unworthy of sympathy.
Long story short both went to a "generic memorial service". Both women totally lost it emotionally when they were there. Both reported that it was the beginning of a new beginning for them, and they were visibly happier when they came back the next meeting after that service.
I do understand that father-daughter relationship. I have it with my daughter; I doubt that anybody can ever understand how we both stood in line for the Harry Potter books, and came back home and read them until we fell asleep where we sat. (She is a faster reader than me, and I remember he coming in and muttering about how much she hated specific characters before I knew they were truly bad characters!!!)
So please, do tell your friends. They may not ever be able to understand the specifics of your relationship with your father (or your sister), but then they may have their own special relationships with their fathers (or sisters). And that can be the hook that lets them understand your pain. The details are not always important, sometimes they are not even relevant.
Gentle hugs, and may your healing journeys take you to happy places! My journey is doing well, but it always hits a bump at some time.