Welcome to DS. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here, but pleased to meet you.

I see you are communicating about this in several groups, that is a good thing! Keep looking for groups and people who are able to connect with you and you with them!

3 weeks is a short time, the recovery will take a long time.

I like to look at the recovery process as dealing with emotions of bereavement. Calling them stages sort of makes me feel like I have failed if I "pass" a stage, and then "revert" to it. To me it has been a bit like the Chuck E Cheese game "Wack A Mole". I went after the big emotions, dealt with them, and then went to the next big one. So I bounced between emotions depending on what triggered me and how well I had dealt with it last time.

Sometimes all we can do is survive an emotion without losing it, and wait for next time when we will take a bite out of it.

I am sure that lots of people have told you that it is not your fault, that people who commit suicide are very good at hiding the pain and concealing their plans.

When my sister died I had a lot of emotions. I knew I need to be strong for mom and dad; mom took it really hard. I finally realized that part of my anger at my sister was that she died and left me to deal with our parents as they aged. I know that it was very selfish, but finally expressing it let me deal with it. Sometimes our thoughts will eat away at us until we allow ourselves to verbalize them and finally deal with them.

Again, welcome to our group, and may you find the answers and support you are seeking.

Gentle hugs

Big hug for you Gay..... I am so very sorry for your loss.... Suicide is one of the most difficult deaths for loved ones to accept
I am glad that you're here.... I would suggest a real life support group to help you to work through your pain and whatever else you're feeling
I have not had a suicide in my family but have been around it with other people and it's really tough to bear.... the 'if onlys' can be overwhelming.... Finding a way to let that go will be important for you
As Pepper wrote this is not your fault
My prayers are with you..... Another hug......xo

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/suicide/art-20044900

A friend killed himself in 2004. We saw him one day and he was gone the next. It still affects me to this day. His death changed my life: it forced me to question my faith, fight my own demons, and try to figure out how to carry on without him there.
I'm not sure what kind of music you like but Rise Above This- Seether is my favorite song that deals with suicide from the view of someone left behind. Check out the backstory for it... anyway i'll leave the link for the song...
https://youtu.be/qP6JDLQF23g

My older brother died of an overdose two months ago, I know how you are feeling. For me, it feels as though there's a huge weight on my chest that won't budge, and at the same time a large hole. btw listen to hear you me by jimmy eat world. it was my brother's favourite song, and though it makes me cry every time i hear it. I think it might help you