my name is vader.I am 67 years old age and old enough to be your grandmother,I am so sorry for your loss.Your mother sounds young,mine was 84 when she passed away on June 17th,2003.It will be 12 years and some how I have gotten the strength to celebrate my birthday and my brothers even thos she is not here.Mother wouldve have wanted it this way.You see,my mother had a stroke and it did develop into dementia and when I visited her,she did not know who I was.It was heartbreaking for me to see and hear.She kept calling me Helen..and she baby sister.My mother always remembered birthdays and celebrations..and she passed it on to me.I still remember..and I am sure she would want me to.I do not know what drifting means or is.But I am 67 years age and I doing things I could not do years ago.You see.I did not have the opportunities that are in Seattle and this is the reason why I moved here.Mother wanted me to move.She wanted me to have my old life.I took care of her and my brother until I was 48.My other brother is deceased.He died one year after my mother.He never got over it and he was one of the rocks in the family.However,my older brother was very,very sick and I did not know after this until years later.My family has been wonderful to me and they want me to have a happy and celebrate the good and bad times...I am getting ready to celebrate July 4th...this will be the first year I see the fireworks in seattle and i can not wait.Things will get better in time...and when they do...you will see and all parents want their children to have a good healthy and happy life..I mourned my mother for 2 years and after the 2 years was over.I began to do the things that she would have wanted me to do.And let me tell you..I feel that she is watching me when I sing and I feel in the applause.I hope that this is good advice for you because i have been there.Vader.

Sure, I felt that way. A death in the family has given me an enhanced appreciation for how fragile life is...and also a degraded appreciation for life here on this planet. What's the point? We're here...and then we're gone...leaving behind a trail of wretched, bereaved loved ones, clutching their hearts, scratching their heads, asking why did he/she, our loved one, have to die? The world and I myself definitely got darker and we lost a bit of our fizz, our zest for life, after my brother died.

But...then I sorta accepted the "new normal", I made some new friendships as well as rekindled some old ones, created "brothers from other mothers". It was arduous at first. I found these guys stressful and irritating. But then I thought maybe I NEED to be stressed and irritated. It's a challenge! It gets me back into life, with a raging vengeance! It shakes me up out of my comatose indifference! I started making them laugh and they started making me laugh, just the way my brother and I used to enjoy making each other laugh, and now life has indeed taken on new meaning. The meaning is pleasure, fun, joy!

I like what Red Buttons said to Nani after her brother died in the original Poseidon Adventure: "We do go on. We have to. It doesn't seem like we'll be able to at first, but...soon you'll find new things, new people who care about you." of which he was one!

In your case, mylovelymom, maybe there is a woman about your mom's age, perhaps who recently lost her daughter, who would love to "adopt" you! With over 6 billion souls in this planet, God provides plenty of abundance, plenty of people, for the purpose of loving and healing each other. But we have to take the first step, by being socially proactive, by opening up.

Congrats on taking the first step by coming here and opening up!

Thanks, Vader, I appreciate your kind thoughts &

Thanks koolman -- I really appreciate your thoughts -- sometimes I feel like an orphan too. When I see someone with their mom sometimes, I admit, I get a little jealous, sometimes teary-eyed -- I must look ridiculous (hopefully nobody notices!). How I wish I had my mom to drag around everywhere. I even saw a woman getting a little huffy with her mom at a garden store (the way daughters' do), arguing over something silly that her mom was trying to instruct her and I was thinking how lucky she was.

I would love to have someone to talk to again, but I will never feel that way about anyone. I don't even really want to talk to my mother-in-law (whom I like fine), but I don't want to call anyone Mom or for fear I'll start crying. I spoke on the phone one of Mother's friends and I get a lump in my throat. Most of the time, honestly, I just pretend nothing's happened. I don't want to break down in front of anyone. It'll just make me feel worse. If I cry on someone's shoulder, I'll probably break their arm! When my Dad died 20 years ago, I cried on my Mom and she cried on me. She was the kind you could hug for like 1/2 hour and she would just stay there with you. I'm glad I can talk about this somewhere too -- Thanks for listening to me -- that really does make it a little better :)

My lovely mom, I have had very similar feelings since I lost my mom on 6/6/15. She has been the center of my world pretty much all my life. She had strong opinions and could come off pretty prickly lol, but I knew she was ALWAYS on my side, wanted the very best for her. I too feel quite adrift. I am going to have to once again re-build my life, find a new way. I am lucky too to have an older sister (by 10 years) who's been a best friend/mom-like person in my life all my life. I plan to move nearer to her. I stayed in this area of CA for this long because my mom lived here. I'm unmarried, no kids, so I am totally at sea. Now when I do something my mom might have approved of, disapproved of, there will be no mom there to give her advice. I resented her un-asked-for advice a lot throughout my life - Mom was controlling - but boy what I wouldn't give to have that again. Since Mom died I've looked at things a lot differently, and too late have realized how much my mom really WAS on my side. Wish I'd let her know that a lot more, you know? Gosh I miss her!

I feel the same way most of the Time. I talked to her daily and could discuss everything with her. What has been the hardest is when a medical issue arises she was the one I always talked to.because of so many medical issues it is hard to talk to anyone about them. I miss her terribly. Cry almost every day. When my hubby asks what's wrong I will say I am just having a mom day and nothing more needs to be said. I have no answers to help you through this but wanted to let you know you are not alone. My immediate family has always considered me too emotional and unstable so hesitate to share with them. I pray that one day I can go without crying and just think of the good things. I too have many things to be thankful for but sometimes it is hard to really feel thankful when I am hurting. Take care.