i am writing this column in honor of my late mother.My sainted father died on 11/1/1987.I was 40 and he was in the hospital.My father was a very sick man.My mother was just so alone.I felt so sorry and when people read it..my father worked in the post office for 26 years and he was a mailman /clerk and everyone knew him.My mother was just so lost.She didnt know how to figure out the check book and she couldnt balance one.She couldnt figure out about the credit cards and got so hyped when they started to call.She was so lost.She didnt know what to do..my father did everything...And this isnt right because the time will come when you will have to be alone and you must know how to deal with certain issues.No one helped my mother.She was loaded down with bills.My late brother came home from florida.he drove 25 hours non stop.Frank was working at the college and he was all set to retire.When this happened.the college told him to take 2 weeks and they will send him his check.They were expecting him to come back.My brother never returned.Frank was driving in New York when it happened.My late brother was hit by a drunk driver.He slumped over the wheel and was found 1 hour later.The car was so bad...that they had to get The Jaws of Life to free him.They worked on him and they called Stanley who was in PA at his other house...Stanley came home and he saw the condition the house and he saw all of these bills.My sister in law asked me "What is going on?" And I told her that my mother wasnt paying the bills.They knew that something was wrong and Stanley made all of the necessary calls.All of the bills were paid in a few days and then my mother asked Stanley to take over paying the bills.In New York..this isnt possible.You have to go to a judge.You have to be declared incompentent which she wasnt..and but my mother told the judge that she didnt even know how much money was in the accounts.She told him that she couldnt deal with this and that and wanted to sell it.We had to go to a special judge and he was very understanding...with Frank in the hospital and my dad dying..Mother just gave up the will to live.Men..can you all do us a favor? Could you learn to trust us? Can you teach us what to say or do in case something happens to you? Why are you so secretive about money when you aint rich? My father was a working man and he paid the house off in 1984.My father worked 2 jobs to do this.He was always working and giving mom and everyone things that we denied him in The Great Depression.We were never hungary.We always had good food.But men must learn to tell us more about the money part..my mother fall apart.She stopped taking care of herself.She became a reclusive.Then my mother began to drink and she became a full blown alcoholic.When I tell people this..noone believes me.But if dont watch 60 minutes like I do..several years ago..they had a program about retirement in florida..There were 5 senior citizen being interviewed by Mike Wallace.They were all in jail! One was in jail for bank fraud.The other was in jail for fighting over a woman...But the ones that really hurt me was a woman who was in jail for shoplifting and when it comes to this..Florida aint a nice state to be in.Florida is like Paramus,New Jersey where I worked for several years..the law enforcement in these places hate shoplifters and we have got the strictest laws on the books.You have to learn that you must be able to do things by and for yourself.Lets help some of the grieving with more then words.The day of the funeral..come to it! Dont mail us a card! And instead of cakes...how about a nice tray of barbeque ribs? If you are so concerned about the cleaniness of the house...why dont you do this? Hire a maid service the week of the funeral and the month after! And if you see that the person is getting edgy..why take them out to lunch the week after the funeral? And why not when you take her out..give her 100.00 so she can buy things for the house? And if you are so concerned about the status of your money...go to a lawyer that knows Elder Care..And they will be glad to help you.And I will mention this..Florida leads the nation of automobile accidents by persons who are over 65!This shouldnt be! If they cant drive anymore...find out about another way they can get around...Sooner or later..all of us will become seniors..and i dont know what the future will be.I dont know how long that I will be here..but I want to have a long,happy and healthy life unlike my sainted father who fell ill when he was 42 and we almost lost him.Lets all of us help the grieving in actions -then words.Vader and the cats...Meow!