Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
It will be one year on 5/22/2010 that I lost my Brad and everyday I still cry and i have been told to get on with my life and that he never loved me.This not true.Brad and i were having problems and some of them couldnt have been solved even with therapy.It would have been the end of the relationship and i didnt want this.But why do people tell people to stop crying? What is so bad about crying? Cant I cry and grieve in peace? This has been hell on me.Brad committed suicide and everyday i am finding out things about Brad that has even shocked me.So let people cry.Let them grieve.It will make things a great deal better if some of these well meaning people who dont know the whole situation to stop pretending that they do and just say nothing and go on with their lives.Some people in seattle are very well meaning but they have been giving me the wrong advice and i cant take it anymore.I want to scream!I want to cry and i want to grieve, and so every time I feel bad..please let me feel bad and stop trying to "cheer me up".Brad was the love of my life and it didnt work out and this has hurt me and it will hurt me for the rest of my life,infact,I will never get over it.So when people wear black...please say nothing and remember that I am hurting to.
You are SO right ! Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or for how long. Cry whenever you need to. It's very important rather than withhold your feelings. I cry alot, and I don't care about what others think. For me it's 2-2 1/2 years. I get that 'you can't carry on this way' train of thought, too.
Your loss is more recent and has to be the most traumatic of losses that only those who've experienced it can understand. Based on that, I can't fully feel your pain. But I understand pain - I, too, still cry - more bitterly than in the beginning - and my losses were natural causes. Yet, I made the medical decisions and am left not only with self-recriminations over both parents (whether I was right or wrong) - but without my Mom who was my sole consolation during every trial in my life. I cry daily.
Whatever your relationship may have been with Brad (good or shaky), you were both trying. You can't take on any guilt - please know this. But you are most assuredly entitled to grieve. Wear black, grieve / mourn, weep. I won't tell you to "cheer you up" as you said. I get it, too. About how I have to move on, etc. I'm telling you to grieve in your own way, dear Vader. And don't blame yourself.
You work through this in the way that is best for you, it is a painful journey but it is better to work through it than stuffing your feelings.
Take care of you.
You have the right to grieve as long and in any way you choose. Take your time and heal at your own rate in your own way. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As for the "well meaning" friends, no one has been exactly where you are and so they really can't "know" what you are dealing with, in truth no one but you can know that. Continue to grieve in your own way and in your own time.
I notice in your latest comment that you are putting a time limit (or extending one) for grieving... Don't do that to yourself. As has been so well pointed out above by each poster, this is emotional - not physically tangible you can put a time limit on. It's not like midnight on New Year's Eve when the turn of a clock makes an old year pass and a new begins. This happens slowly - differently for each of us - in its own time. And just when we think we've healed, it will stab our hearts again. Just go with the flow and don't make rules...there are none. Just take good care of yourself and know you have friends who understand. God love you.
Cry as much as you need to!
Nothing wrong with it.
I go to the beach and cry and scream at the ocean.
the salt water cure.
Tears and the ocean.
cry it out let it out so you can heal!
Don't listen to ppl who tell you not to do such a necessary thing to heal!
ty for sharing this,
Billi