Bereavement Support Group
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I lost my fiancee who i had been with for 3 years in December 2006 ... he was my best friend, my lover, the man i saw me spending the rest of my life with... and i thought i was pretty much dealing with him being gone ok ..... last weekend i was looking through some of my mom (who also passed that year) things- and that set off these moments of sadness again... i saw on her 06 calendar the last thing she ever wrote was My Fiancee's Bday with a big heart around it- i clutched that calendar and rubbed my fingers over the writing for awhile and just cried.. in the middle of this my best guy friend called me and said - i've been thinking about Andy lately and i know he was a good guy and if he could've been here with you- i know he would've still been by ur side and you'd be happy.. but what really got to me was yesterday- riding in the car in the passenger seat while my sister was driving- we passed one of our neighbors from up the road- whom- she's seen outside a few times and remarked how much he looked like Andy and i just laughed it off- i had never seen the guy before and yesterday he was stepping out of his truck and my heart stopped- i looked over and it was Andy! down to the long hair and same walk- same sun glasses- same everything! i wanted to jump out of the moving car and run down to him and say - ur alive ! and give him a big hug- even though i know its not him and yet i still had to keep reminding myself of that- that this man who was his exact double and lives within walking distance of me- is not Andy.... so i felt my heart being ripped out all over again- i have this urge to go to his house and knock on the door and ask him what his name is and have a conversation with him... but i don't want him to think i'm a stalker or a crazy person- i mean i can't just walk upto his house and knock on the door and say- hey i saw u getting out of ur truck and u look just like my dead fiancee- i mean he would think i had escaped from a mental ward.. and i know i wouldn't be able to keep from hugging him and that would freak the poor man out- i just wanna know- why are all these things coming up about Andy now- is he trying to tell me something ? i just don't know- this really has me shaken up..
I had to reply..,, First I'd like to let you know that my heart goes out to you for your loss,,,.....I know that this encounter has you shaken,,But Please don't let it get you down...I lost my brother on March 13 08,,and I know I would freak,,if I ever see someone that looks like him,,but you know,,it just might be ok,,I'd give anything in this world to see him again. So in a way,,it may feel like a blessing to me,,if it does ever happen. I can Only imagine how you felt,,when you saw this guy. I know that I would have had to taken,,a looong deeep breath. I think that,,maybe you should just approach him,,and introduce yourself,,and take each day after that,,,as they come...Who knows what 2morrow brings. Just try to look at this guy for who he is and try not to think of who he looks like..At least that would be done,,,......You will be in my thoughts and in my prayers. I do hope that this reply made some sense.
Take care,
AnxiousTexan
PS,,,I like your username