Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
my brother killed himself 9 months ago. is it normal to feel anger or hatred towards someone who died?
i don't want to feel like that but he was my best friend and the only person i had in the world and now i'm angry and i think i hate him.
thank u for answering. i'm trying not to be angry. i guess it'll take time.
I remember this book as being one of the most helpful books I read early on.
I also lost a younger brother when he was just 36. Prior to losing my daughter that was the most painful death I had experienced so I do understand. One day at a time, and sometimes it is one minute at a time.
my brother was 12 and i know he didn't think about it before doing it so there wasnt like any signs. i don't want to hate him but i do feel angry.
my therapist knows what happend. we just havn't talked about it. i think he wants to work on other things first.
is anger and hate similar emotions?
we were in a foster home.
i failed him. i tryed to get him to keep his mouth shut and i took the blame for things he did but i failed him.
maybe its me that i hate and not him.
i don't know what anything means. i'm sorry i'm not doing so good right now but thank u for responding. i'll think about what u said.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Please don't blame yourself- it's not your fault.
I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you had too much on your own plate. Don't feel that you failed- this was not in your control.
This kind of loss is a real rollercoaster ride- hang on. Your emotions and feelings are going to be all over the place.
Check in your area if there is a Compassionate Friends chapter. They have meetings where parents, grandparents and siblings only speak and share about their losses. You don't have to speak at all if you don't want to but it feels good to be around other people going through the same thing.
The have a website with a wealth of information such as: is it normal to feel like...
You will also see they have chat sessions everyday online.
There is one night that is specifically for siblings only but you can go on any of the chats.
Everyone is very welcoming and kind.
I hear your pain :(
I lost my young adult son. We don't know if it was suicide or negligent discharge of the gun. I'm heartbroken.
prayers and all my best
Weary
We can't choose our emotions. We can choose only our response to them, even when it seems to make no sense, e.g., being angry with someone who's no longer alive. I was raised in a family with parents who denied or minimized ("it's not that bad") unpleasant /horrible/punishing situations. As a kid, I was just mimicking my role models. Mom's "cure" for crying was to "Splash some cold water your face & you'll feel better". It's not healthy to ignore reality.
When I was 8 years old, my 7 year old brother died crossing a busy street on his way home from school. He "should have" walked an extra 1/2 block to cross at the traffic light. I wasn't with him because my 3rd grade class ended 15 minutes after his 2nd class. He rushed home to enjoy his favorite TV cartoons. He "should have waited for my class to end so we could walk together. Mom "should have" met us at the busy street crossing. There was more than enough justified anger to go around. Frankly, I was confused about the whole thing. Mom and Dad were at the hospital when I came home ... to see my grandma.
My cousin, my best friend, died of cancer 6 months ago. I'm still crying. I love her dearly (I'm not ready to speak of her in the past tense and that's OK.)
All I could recognize was: feeling upset, feeling extremely upset or feeling OK now, but knowing that good feelings wouldn't last long. I decided to attend a weekly self-help group where it seemed normal for others to tell their stories and identify their feelings, e.g., "In 3rd grade, I felt angry and guilty when Bradley called me "Fatso" in front of the whole gym class, "I was excited, yet afraid to fly to Italy by myself." "I was ecstatic to see a beautiful red bicycle for my 12th birthday."
Is anger justifiable? Who's to say? The judge and jury are only in your head and you're questioning their verdict. Often, anger masks other feelings, like fear. Anger is your feeling; no prob; however vandalizing his bedroom would be a conscious choice.
my therapists always telling me to label what i'm feeling but the only things i feel r sad, angry or detached.
I also disagree with the person who commented and said suicide is a selfish act. I understand that it's easy to say that from the outside, but coming from my personal experience with my own mental health struggles, you feel absolutely beyond empty when you find yourself feeling that it's the only way to make it stop. Your brain literally lies to you and tells you all these terrible things, regardless of how many people truly love and care about you.
Anger is a lot easier for people to deal with because anger can be directed at someone. But the sadness and emptiness you're feeling is yours to feel. You cant direct sad or empty at someone.
I dont think you hate him. I think maybe you're so frustrated with all your other feelings, questions, and sense of being left behind/abandoned that it feels that way. And maybe that you've got so much love for him that you dont know what to do with now that hes not physically here. I know how empty it feels and again, I'm so sorry that you're going through this as well.