Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

3,877 Members
13,418 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

i told the doctor no by vader

vader
vader
When I was hospitialized the doctor asked me if I had any persons to contact if someone should go wrong.I told him no.And I will tell you why.My brother lives in New York and he is paying a big mortgage.I dont want him to worry and I did not want to relocate.My brother has a very high profifle career and my illness I felt would ruin him.You dont know how the corporate world really thinks about depression.It is very,very shocking.I couldnt do this to my little brother.He worked hard to get where he is today and he has many people working under him and I have never met them so I dont know what they think.The doctor told me that this decision was bad because he just wanted to talk to my brother but I told him no and he never contacted him.I am so grateful.Right now I am having money problems and I dont know how to pay the rent again.I dont want to relocate back to New York...I cant afford it.I cant afford to move and i cant afford a vacation.Right now he is having problems as my sister in law was sick.She had to go for a MRI and she is taking medication.I love her as a sister and she taught me a lot about the home.She keeps a wonderful home.The doctor told me if i talked to him about my money problems I would feel better..but I told him and I am seeing him again next month.Did I do the right thing? I dont want him to know.He would worry and he cant afford to travel as much.in fact he has cut back and I dont want him to lose his job.I cant let this bi polar disorder cause friction in the family.My brother is all I have and he is the next to last of the blood line.Who should I tell? Please advise me.Thanks vader and the cat.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Vader-- talk to your brother- family takes care of family. It's admirable not to want to bother your brother, but I have a strong feeling he wouldn't think of it as such. You need to give him more credit and understand that it's o.k. to tell him what's going on. If my brothers or sisters needed help, I would absolutely want them to tell me, no matter what was going on in my life. Talk to him so that you can both work out an action plan ASAP. You are torturing yourself and deserve peace in your heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I appreciate your thoughtulness and I understand your thought process. I can only say this. If my brother were sick, in trouble, depressed or in any way distressed, I would want him and expect him to tell me! I would expect him to respect me enough to allow me to make my own choice about what I could and could not afford. If something happened to him and I didn't go because I couldn't, I could accept that. But if I didn't go because I didn't know...I would be so upset. As for what his "people" would think? First of all, few people tell their employees about their personal lives. Second, depression is no different from any other illness and you would probablybe surprised at how many of them are on anti-depressants themselves. Finally, I am one that hates family to come when I am sick. I want to look funky, feel sorry for myself and leave the house messy until I feel better. One of my sisters insist on coming anyway. But that is because she loves me. And I have no right to tell her how to love. It is a hard thing you are going through - but my humble opinon is your brother is an adult and has a right and a vested interest in knowing if you are sick enough to be in a hospital.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Vader,

I certainly do understand that depression and mental illness are not looked kindly upon by some folks that do not have, nor understand the disease. I have suffered with depression for most of my adult life, so I completely get it.

BUT....I have to agree with Zakki on this one. While it is admirable that you don't want to trouble your brother, he is your family. How would you feel if you found out one day that he had been suffering with a terrible disease, but didn't tell you because he was worried that you would get more depressed? Please talk to him. You don't have to go into specific details if you don't want to, but at least make him aware, and allow him to be in your life, and offer support.

I wish you the best, and hope that you get to feeling better soon.