On May 22nd,2009 my boyfriend of 12 years,Bradl committed suicide.I found his body in the yard and it was a gruesome sight.If it wasnt for the wonderful people who write advice and sent me cards and the support I wouldnt know how I would have survived.Suicide is a terrilbe thing and the survivors like myself are in a big limbo.It was 2 years and everyday i still cry.I blame myself.Brad lied to me about his past.He had a criminal record.He had 6 kidnappings,7 felonys and he was in jail for rape.The Seattle police had him under survillance and i did not know all of this.Brad had a drug problem.He was addicted to meth and he drank and when he drank,.Brad was mean to me and I was victim of his fists for 12 years.People ask me why did you stay.Well,let me tell you this.Getting out of a abusive relationship in seattle isnt so easy.You have to give up a lot and i wasnt on social security then and I had no income.I would have been penniless and i at the point in my life decided to stay and I am not glad that I did.Where does a woman wity no money go? How does she survive? DOes anyone know? ANd for 5 years,Brad was clean and sober.He did not hit me.He was good to me.We did things together.Every Sunday we went food shopping and on Tuesday we would sent out for pizza.I cooked and took care of the house and I had 6cats to feed.Brad let me sing and act again.I was doing what I liked,.he didnt
put restrictions on me and I liked ti.Now I have freedom and I am singing again and I am doing what I couldnt go with Brad.But the biggest headache was went on May 22,2009..I found his lifeless body.I screamed.Brad talked about suicide for years and i ignored all of the signs.I turned him over and he was lifeless.The tears were
screaming down my face.Brad died in my arms and I cant forget this fact.I am constantly replaying it and I wish Brad was here and I will tell him this..I forgive you for lying to me.I forgive you and I still love you.but
where did I go wrong?