Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

I really miss my mom

CelticGypsy412
CelticGypsy412

It has been a little over 3 months since my mom left this Earth. I can't get over it or that I didn't spend enough time with her the past year because I let too many things in my life get in the way of visiting more often. The last time I saw her before she passed was November 25, 2017. I missed going over on Thanksgiving because it was a bit of a messed up day for a holiday and didn't go as planned. I could see that she wasn't doing well and knew time was slipping away. When I was in the room with my mom and showed her a picture on my phone of her grandson, my 21 year old son who lives in Pittsburgh, she looked at his picture hard and deep like it was going to be the last time she would see a picture of him. She had never done that with the other pictures I showed her. My teenaged daughter was with me and she could sense it.The tears in my daughters eyes brought tears to my eyes. I tried not to let my mom see my eyes. My mom couldn't talk anymore and my dad had to feed her he told me. I decided and talked with my sister to ride over with her on Sunday the following weekend and every weekend after because I didn't have a vehicle at the time. But that Saturday December 2nd. I got that call from my sister that I didn't want...not yet. My sister told me our dad had called her and said he thinks mom is already gone. I thought NO! NO! This can't be happening not now I was going over tomorrow to visit mom with sister. This went over and over in my mind as I got dressed. When my sister and I got to our parents house it was too late. Too late for me to tell my mom how much I love her. Too late for her to hear me tell her one last time. Too late to have those times with her I was going to have before I couldn't. I cry everyday. I hurt everyday. Some days the pain is still so strong even now. Other than my family members mainly my sister I have no one who is really there I can talk to so I have started grief counseling just this week.  I talk to my mom everyday wishing she could talk back to me , wishing she was here, wishing we could go shopping like before the cancers took that away from us...wishing for a phone call just to talk, to ask me to come by, to pay a bill for her, pck up something from the store, or take her to her appointment....wishing....I really miss my mom.

Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I am so very sorry for your loss. (My loss is my birth family - sister, mother, father.) I understand too well the things that go into losing a parent.

It sounds like you are asking for the perfect ending. No loose ends, all conflicts resolved; I think that we all want that. But the reality is that almost none of us gets that. I know that I didn't.

It sounds like your mother knew that you loved her, and although you wish you had one more chance to say the words, or five more or twenty more, you had a lifetime of thousands of moments large and small where you told your mother that.

My last visit with my mother was not very good; she looked at me with a vacant look. I have no idea if she recognize me or not. I like to think that her spirit saw me and was trying to tell me good by even though her body was very weak. I think I knew it was going to be my last.

My last visit with my dad was like almost every other visit in his last month of life. A hearty good by and a promise to come the next day.

Of the three (my two and yours) I can build cases in my mind for how each one was the best possible last visit as well as cases for how each one was the worst possible last visit. I think that the truth is that if we love them, the last visit is always going to hurt.

My wife lost her father some 30+ years ago. She told me that it hurt to think of him, but as the years passed, she could think of things he would have liked and smile as she thought of it. For me, I am getting there. Some days thinking of things they would have liked hurts deep down, other days I get that smile my wife tells me about. But as the years pass, I have more smiles than heartbreaks.

Gentle hugs. You will get there, it will just take time.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Celtic..... I have lost my birth family as well and I have often wished for the 'just one more'

I think that's the norm with grief, sadly.... It hurts and it's a process to work through

It's great that you're getting into grief therapy...... There are some things that we never 'get over' however we find a way to work through..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
4jesus
4jesus
Sending you a hug and a prayer that you will get through this. It's no doubt that this will be a very hard year but know that there is hope through it all and you will eventually find peace. I know it's not easy to hear things like that and it may not be much of a comfort to you right now, but as I was told by my pastor a few months after my mom passed away, part of your DNA is in Heaven now and you are just that much closer to God the Father and his son Jesus and your mom. Whether or not you believe in that, God know's you are hurting. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that
CelticGypsy412
CelticGypsy412
Thank you all. I am sending hugs back to each of you. I am sorry for your losses as well. I am sorry I haven't gotten to respond sooner. I also have a lot of other stressful thing's I have been trying to deal with in my life. The things I would sometimes talk to my mom about. I have been trying to do things a little more one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time. Some days I am okay some days I am not. I checked out some books from my library on grief and mourning. I am on my third one. Those are helping me some too. I hope to check in on here a little more to. It will be easier from my laptop than from my phone which I am on now. I hope everyone had a good day. Again sending hugs. Also sending love and light to everyone.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I still talk to my mom sometimes even though she's not in this universe .... I somehow don't think that she's too far away..... Big hug.......xo
Teenab
Teenab
I am new to this group - i really miss my mom too - she passed last Dec 5th. I never thought you could feel such pain in your heart. I wasn't with her when she slipped away because we had no idea it was going to happen, me and my sister had been with her at hospital every night till they chucked us out - this day my sis arrived from New Zealand and my brother from Somerset so they said moms ok go and have a little rest at home. They stayed till 6.30pm and then my son went to see his Nan as he hadn't been able to go before that - good job he went because he was the last one to see her before she passed. I had a call to say get up hospital as soon as we could we ran through the hospital but was too late - I feel so guilty that she was by herself when she passed away. It eats away at me everyday knowing we weren't there. People say she wouldn't of wanted you there when she went but I don't believe that. I cannot except the fact she is not here with us anymore. I am sure you know the feeling - My thoughts are with you
CelticGypsy412
CelticGypsy412
Hi SunCloudJD hugs back ty. I am still talking to my mom everyday as I go through the other stressful things that are unfolding in my life and going on. I wish I could pause all those other things going on put I can't because they are going to happen whether I hide in my room or not.
CelticGypsy412
CelticGypsy412
Sending you hugs Teenab. I am sorry for your loss.. Yes I do know the feeling. Everyday is a struggle to even try to accept it.. Even going to the grave 1 -2 times a week I still couldn't accept it. I am not sure if I am beginning to realize that my mom is no longer here or if its that I have had too much going on the last 2 weeks that I have had to put my grieving on hold. I have some books that I read The Mourning Handbook by Helen Fitzgerald and Saying Goodbye to Someone You Love by Norine Dresser and Freda Wasserman. I also read one called Comfort A Journey Through Grief by Ann Hood. I didn't realize that it was a story of the loss of her child but I could still find relevance of her grief with mine. I am currently reading Grief Works by Julia Samuel. All have helped me to know that what I am going through is normal and the complicated grief that I am experiencing as well. It has been hard with very little emotional support from my friends and now as my family and I all have to deal with other aspects of our lives and don't always have time to talk like the first few weeks and month. I felt so alone even when around people. They didn't understand. I am also keeping a couple journals. One is for my mom only when I write my thoughts to her and the other is my general journal on all aspects in my life.
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