Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
This is my first post...but I should have done this a lot sooner. My dad died on July 21st suddenly of cardiac arrest. He was getting ready to pick me up and take me to work (I wanted to leave my car at home that day). My mom called me and said that he had to be rushed to the hospital. When mom and I got to the hospital they were still performing CPR but he was pronounced minutes later. I was there....and I wish I wasn't I saw his lifeless body as they tried to save him to no avail. I ran in and grabbed his hand...and it didn't feel like his. It was covered in guaze and it was cold. I knew he was gone. I screamed that I am too young to lose my daddy...because I am (I'm 24). And that memory haunts me. I am currently in therapy and I have been seeing my therapist twice a week and I am working on getting that image out of my head but it is very hard.
I wasn't prepared for his death, and I also wasn't prepared for the aftermath. The things people say... "he did smoke, so it was bound to happen," my uncle told my husband that his life "is about to get a lot more complicated" (what does that even mean?!?) and I was told "it's okay to be low, but don't stay low for too long."
I would rather people just be there physically and either say nothing at all or tell me that they don't know what to say. That is worlds better than trying to come up with the "right" thing to "fix" me.
I feel like I will never be "fixed." I am broken right now. My dad was a huge piece of the puzzle that I call life and now he's gone. A part of my heart died with him.
Another thing that I can't handle is that we recieved a ton of support right after his death and up to the funeral...and then that support went away. People went on with their lives. Family stopped checking in (it's barely been two months since he died) and my immediate family is falling apart and my extended family wants us to move on. This is all too much for me to handle right now.
I really need support from people who know what I'm going through. I feel guilty for waking up my husband at 3 AM to take a walk and cry, I feel guilty calling and texting friends when a memory pops up out of nowhere and I can't hold it together.
I have been working on cleaning and organizing my house over the last couple of days and I found a father's day gift that I misplaced and was going to give him on Christmas.
I wish there was a magic answer...a magic thing to tell me or to say but no one can tell me how to get over this...how to feel better.
The stages of grief are real, and sometimes the stages are more like a circle and less like a straight line, but the depression phase hit me like a train on Labor Day and I have stayed in this hole since then and I am working each day to climb back up.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
So sorry that your very first post is a sad one. And I express my vows of sympathy & gentle compassion, and which I deeply understand the feelings of helplessness, anger & frustration you deal with. After all, your beloved father is still a considerable & significant part of your family, so naturally this unfortunate event brings on strong feelings which overwhelm the heart.
When at the most you are only moderately able to stand the overused but well-intended comments of surrounding family & friends, think of what your father would say to you. I imagine that he would calmly advise giving your best effort to wedge sideways of the strong emotions of grief, which are those tightly jammed thoughts & uncomfortable feelings that are common to the initial trauma of your loss. From the forefront of his own new heavenly view, your father is empowered by a gentle feeling of peace, rest & he has a wide-range of pleasing sights, all within Christ's holy presence; he feels no pain nor does he want this feeling for you. And be of great comfort because he left such a wonderful memory of love & admiration of himself as his final gift to you. I suspect that upon entering the world of spirits, the first holy words he heard were, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant..." He is resting now, in peace. And it shall be so with you in due time. God bless!
I hope for you to be highly successful with healing!
ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ ღ༺༻ஐ
But as I am going through all the stages (and at times, going through the same ones again), I am learning how to cope with it all (with the help of close family and friends and my church). I am also going through grief couseling and although it gets me thinking about "that day", it also helps to understand all what I am experiencing and learning that it is ok to feel the ways you do. But sometimes, all I can do is pray and cry out to the Lord and say "Help me".
Sending hugs and prayers to you
Losing our parents hurts a great deal..... I don't know that there's anything to really prepare us..... At least there wasn't for me
A RL grief support group might be a really good support for you..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
We lost my wife's father much like you lost your dad, my wife and I were in our early/mid 30s. BAM, no notice.
We lost my mom after a very long health decline and over a month in the hospital/nursing home. My wife and I were in our late 50s/ early 60s.
I'm here to say that both ways sucked. Wishing I had more time to "get ready" for the loss of my FIL would not have helped. That extra times just swaps some issues out, others in, and rearranges which ones hurt the most.
I don't like calling things the stages of grief, because that makes me think that I get one shot to deal with a stage and if I don't manage it I'm weak. I see them as the emotions of grief. Emotions have many triggers, even the same emotion can have a lot of different triggers. There will be times where you are able to manage one trigger that makes you want to run and hide, yet you find another trigger that hits your harder that makes you want to run and hide.
The trick is to recognize that it is a long process, and that we "win" not in one massive display of strength, but rather we win in stages by overcoming things one at a time.
Some of your friends will be there for the long haul and will be a huge help. (Remember to be there for them when they need you!) Other friends will only be able to help you with bits and pieces. Learn who is who, and cherish them for that part of your healing journey that they are able (and willing) to walk with you.
Gentle hugs, and welcome to that club (those who have lost a parent) that none of us want to join.
And alwaysalone, as cliche as this sounds, you are not alone, it sounds like we are going through a lot of the same things. It must have been difficult to see your mom get sick and be gone so fast. I know it has been difficult for me. I still feel my Dad around, and that hurts tremendously, because I know he’s not there.
There’s no such thing as “getting over it.” My goal is to be able to have more control on my emotions, and be more functional. I just started going back to work after a month leave (I was unusually functional and productive right after his death, that all crashed down on me Labor Day) and I think I’ll be able to control the random crying spells at work. This is taking practice.
I would ask your husband to attend a therapy session with you, maybe your therapist can enlighten him on the grieving process.
My therapist says the stages of grief are a circle and not a straight line.
It sounds like the holidays are going to suck for both of us. My husband is supportive but he didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go to his parents for Christmas this year. (They live 8 hours away in Dallas). And that hurt him a lot. It took (and is taking) a lot for me to help him understand that I need to be here with my mom. Also, I would rather not have a breakdown in front of his parents.
Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling comment. I hope this site gives comfort to both of us.