Bereavement Support Group
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I lost my brother on 8/31. He was an alcoholic and we tried to help him but never ever thought that it was so bad it would kill him. He was only 28 years old and when he went into the hospital they told us he'd be out in 4 days tops. Well, a week later in the ICU he lost his life. We're devastated and heartbroken. How could we have not seen how bad this problem he had was?? He was nothing but smiling, happy, loving and caring and never drank in front of us. But behind closed doors he'd drink straight vodka...gallons of it.
I still can't believe he's gone...writing his obituary, making his headstone and all the planning for his services (plus my grandma got sick right after he passed and just now got home after 6 weeks, I had to put her dog to sleep as it got sick and now my Dad who is also an alcoholic was in the hospital all last week diagnosed with kidney, heart and liver failure will not be around long.
How do you get over this? How do you move on? Every day and night my brothers face, smile, laugh and voice are in my head...it doesn't go away. I barely sleep and yearn for this to be a bad dream...but I know at this point it's not.
Any advice? My family is crushed...so I worry about my mom and other brother too. The holidays are coming up and I worry that we're just going to be completely sad...
I still can't believe he's gone...writing his obituary, making his headstone and all the planning for his services (plus my grandma got sick right after he passed and just now got home after 6 weeks, I had to put her dog to sleep as it got sick and now my Dad who is also an alcoholic was in the hospital all last week diagnosed with kidney, heart and liver failure will not be around long.
How do you get over this? How do you move on? Every day and night my brothers face, smile, laugh and voice are in my head...it doesn't go away. I barely sleep and yearn for this to be a bad dream...but I know at this point it's not.
Any advice? My family is crushed...so I worry about my mom and other brother too. The holidays are coming up and I worry that we're just going to be completely sad...
You have to remember that your brother and father made choices to drink so hevily. They were in pain and chose to use alcohole to numb it. Your brothers pain is over now and he is in a bettter place and pain free. Keep him alive in your heart and mind and remember all the good times. Your pain will never go away, but it will faid with time and hurt less.
I hope this helps some
Hugs
I lost my brother almost 38 years ago (his anniversary is coming up) and I still miss him like crazy. He was 16 and he died in a motorcycle accident 5 days before my 15th birthday :(
We were very close and it nearly killed me.....ruined the holidays for a few decades. He was my only sibling and it left me an only child and nowhere to turn for support at the time.....so trust me.....I get it!
It is going to take some time to work through your grief.....so be patient with yourself. Right now you are in shock and disbelief.
Even though you might have known about his drinking problem, there is nothing you could have done to stop it or make him see the serious consequences to his problem. I know how helpless that makes you feel and the "should haves" are part of the grieving.....but such a lonely road to travel with no answers.
Hang onto to the good memories. Journaling may help. I use to write poems to my brother....helped get a lot of pain out.
Find 3 or 4 ppl that you can talk about your brother with. You may need to talk about him with these ppl......you will talk about events over and over in what seems like an eternity.....but it is necessary in order to process and let the feelings sink in. Having 3 or 4 ppl will help so you don't overload one person otherwise it might be too much for one person and you may find yourself abandoned. If the feelings get too intense or talking with these support ppl becomes too much for them/you, grief counseling may be needed.
My heart goes out to you.....this is not an easy road to travel. You will never get over him....but you will get through it...ok?
Lostsoul ~ I have found that making new traditions through the holidays that honor my brother (and my dad) helps me manage some of the dread. I also try not to isolate myself too much. If I get an invitation to go out....even if for a little while....I take it.
Volunteering is another great way to participate in some small way with the season. Is there a soup kitchen you can help out at? Is there a assisted living or independent living facility nearby? Sometimes relatives to the elderly are out of town or have bailed on them.....bring some cookies/fruit/or some treat and visit with them....this is a win/win situation :)
These are just a few things that have helped me through some tough times.
Hang in there...ok?
Keep coming here. There are a lot of hurting souls around, believe me. Maybe you'll be a blessing to someone else, which alleviates your pain in the process. If your family is going to be sad over the holidays, simply be sad. Maybe say a nice prayer at dinner for your brother. Maybe you guys will have a few laughs too. With support, and sharing the pain, you'll get through this.