OH, my dear, this is so sad and tragic. How terrible for you/ DS is a good place to come to. People here "get it"

I think you would feel tremendously supported in another group on this site called For Mom Only, as well as here on the Bereavement site.

Sending a prayer your way, that there may be some comfort and caring people on you hard journey of grief....

Bless your heart ~ I cannot imagine what you're going thru. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children. I'm so very sorry ~ my heart hurts for you. I wish words were enough, but they aren't.

Dearheart, you NEED someone - someone to talk to face-to-face. May I suggest that you talk to Hospice? You don't have to have used their services to talk to their counselors. They would be HAPPY to talk to you! Please - give them a call and talk to one of them. I talked to them when my husband died, and they helped me immensely! Can you do that?

Everyone needs someone to listen to them ~ and you especially do. Being alone with this trauma is just too much to bear, particularly with his birthday and the holidays coming up. And by the way ~ if you don't want to celebrate the holidays, you don't HAVE to! Do what feels comfortable for you. Do what YOU need to do - but please don't isolate. That isn't healthy for you.

God bless ~ and my prayers are with you. Please keep us posted on how you're doing ~ we care. Hugs, Lee

I lost a cousin to suicide 6 years ago. I also lost a son this summer, but that was due to a rare genetic disorder, he lived 4 days. I know how painful it is. I watched my aunt battle with herself over losing her daughter so tragically. And now I too know the pain of losing a child. He is still your son, and remembering and celebrating his birthday may be good for you. My aunt likes to release balloons on my cousin's birthday...maybe you could do something nice like that...and don't even worry about the tears...they will help your heart heal.

thanks for your replies....I have a counselor and she's amazing...she's the only one I can talk to about my son..just last month though a support group started up and i have been once..
the worst thing about suicide is that they choose to leave....i feel like I wasn't enough to keep him here.....I know he loved me....he was just in so much pain....
thank you again

you needn't do anything you don't want to. This is your time to grieve and birthdays and holidays can be so hard. I just went through all the anniverseries as my husband passed a year ago in July. I miss him so much. I think Christmas will be ok this year but not last year. There are so many reminders.

last year I spent christmas alone as my son went with a friend and her family and none of my other children wanted me .....
last year was hard enough but this year my son is gone from this earth as well....I don't know how I'll cope...