I know how ya feel. I just joined here just because the house is so lonely today. Its only been a month for me.

I can just say, I understand right now. going through it too. So sorry for your loss....though if someone said thta to me...nothing helps I think but understanding from another and listening and let each be what one needs to be right now.

I am feeling the same. I lost my husband 4 mos ago. He also shouldn't have died and I feel alot of guilt. I too expect him to call or just show up at home. I feel him all around me. It is all so surreal. I think it must be a bad dream. I know that sick feeling in your stomach every morning. I think I still feel disbelief and shock. No one I know personally seems to get it. They just don't know what it's like. Anyway, I feel for you and hope you know you are not alone in the experience. It probably doesn't help, but at least know that others out here do understand your life right now. -DP

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain that you feel, and it's miserable. I lost my husband almost 10 years ago, and I thought I'd never make it thru that. But I did.

Dearheart, everyone feels the guilt when they lose a loved one. Almost everyone feels that they could have done something to save their family member. But the truth is, you could not have saved them. It was beyond our ability ~ we don't keep that kind of equipment, and we don't have that kind of expertise. Our guilt is NOT appropriate -- we did NOTHING to earn the guilt. We need to forgive ourselves - we did nothing wrong.

Your dear brother is with you ~ you think I'm crazy, but believe me, he IS with you. Perhaps you have felt his presence in your home? Or perhaps you have smelled his cologne? In time you will probably feel a tap on your shoulder -- it WILL happen. They DO have the ability to let us know that they are ok. Just be patient -- it might take a little while. My husband visits me occasionally -- just a couple of weeks ago, he "tapped" me on the fanny!!! LOL I live alone, so no one else did it! LOL He has also tapped me on the head & shoulder.

I wish you the very best, my friend. Please be kind to yourself and take care. Gentle hugs, Lee

I have been a member of DS for a while, however just joined this group today. It has been about a week and a half for me. I miss my husband terribly, it was way too soon.

Crappy as it is that we are all here, it is nice to have others to talk to.

firstly im sorry 4 u loss i know that doesn't really make anything better but i do care and understand how u feel it is a horrible thing to go through i lost my dad 6 years ago and i know thats ages ago but i still haven't grieved thats y i joined this group

i also ask myself what if id done this or that i still expect him to tell me off for turning the football off it is hard
but there is 1 thing I've learnt that talking helps no matter who u talk 2 or how just knowing someone is there is a big comfort remember there is no right or wrong everyone grieves in different ways and in their own time i hope this is some help and comfort 2 u take care of yourself even on the days when it is unbearable u brother would not want u 2 suffer :) my thoughts r with u

I lost my son very unexpectedly on Dec 25, 2007. So I know what you mean about the pain, the grief and the guilt. If only I had gone to be with him over the holidays maybe he would still be alive today. He and I were very, very close. He would call me every Saturday. (He lived in North Carolina and I in Missouri) I understand about waiting for the phone to ring, too. I wish with all my heart to hear his voice again and to be able to visit him and get one of his gigantic hugs. If you ever want to talk, I'm hear for you. in the meantime, I'll pray for you. Love and Peace, Roselle

Hello Apey18,

I want you to know your not alone, your feelings are normal and I promise you your going to be okay. My sister passed away 3 years ago and I felt every single thing you mentioned and more. My pain was so deep I didn't know how I'd get a breath from one minute to the next. And I won't ever lie and tell you all that goes away, it hasn't so far for me. But it does change somehow someway. I cried 3 days last week driving home from work. Just screamed in my car, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE TAKEN. Sometimes I just have to do that to get a straight head and come to my senses again and realize, death is as much a part of life as birth. This has happened and I have to deal with it and live my life to its fullest until I see her again. Each thing you mentioned is such a normal part of greiving for someone. I think the guilt we go through is the worst, and I will be here to talk to you anytime you need someone. Hang in there.

OMG I felt your pain coming thru your message!!!! I know.....too well how you feel.

I lost my mom, my hero, to breast cancer 5 yrs ago. It was a long drawn out thing......tore me apart like nothing in my life!!! The day she died I got a call at work.....I just stood w/the phone to my ear couldnt get any words out....my heart raced and I felt numb from head to toe. Then I lost my brother 3 yrs later. Again, the pain and the shock was overwhelming. I used to just sit at home like a zombie.

Then my marriage failed....10 yrs together. This was also like a death. I don't know how I function but I do. I hold on to the fact that life will always, always bring changes.....good and bad. It doesn't matter what happens to you...you are always YOU.....and I am thankful I have had these people in my life because they shaped me. Happiness will come again....it will, in time. For now, allow yourself to grieve, it's normal and you need to do this so that you can move on.

Take care of yourself!

Dear Apey, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I do understand how you feel. I lost my big sister, Sandy, almost 17 months ago. I so wish I could tell you it gets better. I'd be lying. It does get a little more managable. Like you and your brother, Sandy and I were very close. She was my anchor, my rock, my best friend. I miss her more with each day.
I remember the first few months, like you, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and my mind would not shut off. I thought about her so much. She too died suddenly, tragically. The thoughts that bombard your mind are overwhelming. You can't hold a thought for more than an instant because another thought pops into your mind. The questions and the if only's can eat you up. Literally. I'm not ashamed to admit, I needed help. I saw my doctor and yes she put me on meds. Antidepressant and anxiety meds. The anxiety meds shut my brain off for a few hours and could sleep 3 or 4 hours. I also saw a therapist. She helped me a lot too. I started attending a grief support group and I still attend that group. Reaching out for help is not a weakness, it's showing your strength in admitting you can't do this alone. There are many of us here that can identify with your feelings. You are just beginning this journey called grief. Try to take care of you, be kind and patient with yourself. It's a long journey and you have friends here to walk that journey with you.
hugs to you
S

Hi Aspey, I am sorry for the loss of your big brother, I also lost my big brother 3 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. I am still in disbelief and I just try and take one day at a time, people say it gets easier but I don't know if it does because for me a part of me died when he passed. All I can say is take one day at a time,and allow yourself to grieve, your brother will live on forever in your heart.

I am pray for y.ou

Hi Apey,

Please sign up for free daily emails from Grief share this has really been helping me...www.griefshare.org

hi Apey,
I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago to pneumonia. The doctors thought he had flu and I believed them - even joked with Len my boyfriend - wait till you are better stuff. 2nd Jan 3rd call to out of hours I told them his hands had turned blue/grey - they then called an ambulance out. Still thinking it was flu - swine flu - I helped the nurses and doctors put the gas mask on him as they were to put him to sleep for a short while to help him with his breathing. He never woke again and before I knew it he was plugged into every gadget possible in intensive care. He died 10.17 the next morning.
I never whispered those "I love you" words before he slept - I thought he would wake. I did while he was unconscious and desperately told him to fight. I know that he knew and knows I love him,
Every day, every moment I see him in his hospital bed, I try to recreate our space in my room - we never got a chance to start our lives together - I was living in his flat and returning to my children morning and evening until my x husband moved out. My home was Len - he meant the world.
I try to think what he would say to me, feel his warmth around me. Some times I crumble and like you I feel like I am in a fog. Talking about your feelings help, listening on this forum to others - help. You are not doing anything wrong, you are not feeling anything abnormal, Just baby steps and try to talk . big hugs xx

I want to thank all you wonderful people out there for all your kind words and support. You have helped me through a very hard time. I don't think I could have handled it without all of you. In some ways you have helped me more then my family and friends. It is going to be a very long and rough journey ahead. It is hard to imagine ever truly being happy again. There is just so much sadness....
Thank You All For Always Being There For Me.. XOXO Apey






\

Apey, how have you find ways to comfort yourself in dealing with your loss? I'm still seeking ways. Every day is a struggle for me, as I'm sure it is for you. No matter how normal I try to seem or act, I still walk around like somebody just knocked all the wind outta my body.