I hate when people say "get over it" or "move on" because they're not in my shoes and they are clueless of how I should feel. To answer your question it's perfectly ok to not be ok, especially since it's only been 4 months. It's been 15 months for me and there are times when I look at his pictures I cry like a baby. Or when I'm playing with our son I cry because I miss him. I remember going to the funeral home and having to bring him home with me. You're never going to be the same; you just learn how to take these one day at a time. Always remember this is your grief and no one else's so it's ok to not be ok. Sending big hugs

Yes, it is OK to be not OK!

We all move on at our own pace, and a lot of it depends on who it was we lost and when we lost them.

If we are having trouble moving on because a very old relative whom we never met passed away at an old age, then that is cause for concern. But when it was somebody very close to us and they were a huge part of our life, then it can take a very long time to adjust.

Some people talk about the stages of grief, I like to think of it as the emotions of grief. Stages imply to me that we deal with it and we are done. Emotions lets me know that they can come and go, and that there is no shame in realizing that some of the emotions are harder to deal with than others, and it may take me more time to deal with some than others.

How do we become OK? I think that comes when we realize that we are looking for a new normal. When we can think of them and be happy, that is a huge key.

For me, I miss my dad the most. I am more able to do things that he and I used to do (like eat at the local Dennys) without feeling sad. But I am not ready to see how the new owners have gutted his house and are making it their own.

Gentle hugs

I have several friends that have lost their husbands and we talk and cry but, the one thing that has stood out is, things will never be normal again, you will find a new normal, not sure if that makes sense or not. I know when my fiance passed, I changed. Mad, sad, crying, screaming or just walking. Just deal with it however you need to, there isn't a time limit for you to get over it just one day at a time and we will get there. Not sure what rhat means though.

Thank you all so much, I really needed to hear this, sorry I haven't responded until now I promise to respond better in the future.

ThePepperMan
I didn't feel stages of grief either, more like the emotions of it. I was angry and depressed still working on the happy part though. Now I can go visit his tomb without having a complete meltdown, but some days I just can't you know. Like I just need to have a meltdown to be okay.

JNO4still
I do get it when you say that I will or we will find a new normal, it makes sense. And I think I understand now that I do need to take life one day at a time. Now when I wake up in the mornings (this might sound a little crazy but) and look in the mirror and tell myself "all you need to do is make it till sunup to sundown, that’s all". And I think for most of us that’s what we should tell ourselves.

Greysbaby
I hate those people who tell us things like that! Man does it make me want to punch someone in the face!!! And for me, what really got my blood pumping was when people tell me "But he's still with you, he'll always be with you in your heart" and since I'm a polite person I just agree and walk away but in reality in my head I'm saying "go shove it!!!" I know that some people don't know what to do or say so they say something general like that but I got so mad when people told me stuff like that. Like can you heart hug you back? Can your heart talk to you? NO! I can't or at least my heart can't... Long paragraph short I understand what you mean completely. And I could imagine looking at your son is hard sometimes but one thing that you can always look forward to is that you have a piece of him, here with you. You can hug your son and talk to him, and so forth, which is a good thing.

Sending loving huggies to all ...
Love, Lily

Thank you for getting back to us! It sounds like you are making progress, and that is good.

I blew up at a friend who told me he was sorry for my dad passing. I asked him why, was he responsible for my dad's death? I felt bad that I had lashed out, but I got some anger out.

Yes, it is hard when people say things that make you want to scream.

Gentle hugs

ThePepperMan
It's okay to lash out sometimes, it's normal really. I've certainly done it. And I have my good days and my bad days and I have really been trying to look and be more on the positive side of things. I hope you are also doing well :)

Sending loving huggies ...

Sure it's okay to not be okay love. How one gets okay is with a lotta love, loving someone new. That someone could be a new friend, a new lover, even a new child born into the family. Love comes in many forms. I find my sisters' kids, who were born after our beloved brother died, very loving and soothing, help mend my aching heart. So will it be with you.

Koolman
I'm so sorry about your bother, the pain of losing a loved one is a pain I would never wish on anyone. I'm still working on the lotta love part, I haven't really found anything new to love. What's really getting me through it is my best friends and myself. I'm glad you’re doing better since your sisters' kids were born. Honestly I love babies haha, I can talk about them all day!

Sending loving huggies...