Bereavement Support Group
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The 9th step of AA is this.You apologize to people who you have hurt and this step is being copied in all the self help groups.I have to say I am sorry to all of the people who see and view Daily Strength just in case I have offended someone.When you work in the city of New York and when you work in Brooklyn...you cant be a patsy.You cant let people decide for you.Your bosses want answers now.They want people to be direct and to be honest.I have tried not to offend anyone.If I have...I am sorry.I am also sorry about my relationship with money.I have been spending money like water and I have written about this.I cut up all of my credit cards and I dont buy groceries everyday.I like going to the supermarket and Safeway in seattle is the greatest.We also have QFC and it is expensive.Some of the stores here are opened 24 hours and Brad and i used to do shopping when he came home from work.As for Brad....if anyone is thin king of suicide...here is my advice.
Dont do it! The survivors are left with a hell on earth and everyday i cry.I cry because I am lost and I dont know why Brad did it.He had a nice house.He had nice cats and the cats loved him.He had a nice neighborhood and he had friends at work.He was beginning to play golf again.He was beginning to come out of his shell and now I will never know why he took his life and all because of this.Brad left me with limited funds and I just made the rent again.I cant move.I cant afford it.And the rents in seattle now are sky high.I have decided to stay in seattle no matter how bad it gets.I cant relocate.ALl of my friends are gone.So is my house and my room.I lost the house to Medicare and I lost everything this is one of the reasons why I stayed with Brad.I had a place to stay and I had storage for all of my stuff and Brad had his.And I will say this...my brad who was beating me up for the past two weeks was dead when I found him.I tried to revive him.I couldnt.He was on his stomach.There was blood everywhere.Brad had slit his wrists.I screamed.I screamed and yelled..I tried and my Brad who I loved for 12 years died in my arms and I will never forget this.I cant.The trauma.And what gets me is that people dont want to hear about this,yet I hear about their boyfriends and such.Is this fair? I will always love Brad.I had the love of my life.It didnt work out.ANd no man will ever come into my heart again.For Brad when he wasnt drinking or doing crack was a wonderful kind loving person who was an addict and tried.He couldnt shake his habit and i tried to get him sober.But i couldnt.ANd all of the rehabs were closed.This happened near the Memorial Day weekend and Brad refused to go to the hospital.He loved this house.SO do I and I will fight to keep it and I am asking everyone whom I have offended and be a bitch to for no apparent reason because I still have anger in me and it is smoldering....I am sorry.Once again.I am sorry and I hope that everyone at DS can and will forgive me.vader and the cats.Kramer and little Tooey.(they are my stin kys).
Dont do it! The survivors are left with a hell on earth and everyday i cry.I cry because I am lost and I dont know why Brad did it.He had a nice house.He had nice cats and the cats loved him.He had a nice neighborhood and he had friends at work.He was beginning to play golf again.He was beginning to come out of his shell and now I will never know why he took his life and all because of this.Brad left me with limited funds and I just made the rent again.I cant move.I cant afford it.And the rents in seattle now are sky high.I have decided to stay in seattle no matter how bad it gets.I cant relocate.ALl of my friends are gone.So is my house and my room.I lost the house to Medicare and I lost everything this is one of the reasons why I stayed with Brad.I had a place to stay and I had storage for all of my stuff and Brad had his.And I will say this...my brad who was beating me up for the past two weeks was dead when I found him.I tried to revive him.I couldnt.He was on his stomach.There was blood everywhere.Brad had slit his wrists.I screamed.I screamed and yelled..I tried and my Brad who I loved for 12 years died in my arms and I will never forget this.I cant.The trauma.And what gets me is that people dont want to hear about this,yet I hear about their boyfriends and such.Is this fair? I will always love Brad.I had the love of my life.It didnt work out.ANd no man will ever come into my heart again.For Brad when he wasnt drinking or doing crack was a wonderful kind loving person who was an addict and tried.He couldnt shake his habit and i tried to get him sober.But i couldnt.ANd all of the rehabs were closed.This happened near the Memorial Day weekend and Brad refused to go to the hospital.He loved this house.SO do I and I will fight to keep it and I am asking everyone whom I have offended and be a bitch to for no apparent reason because I still have anger in me and it is smoldering....I am sorry.Once again.I am sorry and I hope that everyone at DS can and will forgive me.vader and the cats.Kramer and little Tooey.(they are my stin kys).
Please be easy on yourself and give yourself time.. God Bless,Christine
I cant imagine what you went through watching brad in his last moments of life.. but at some point you have to make this brad's problem. It isnt your fault you couldnt save him,, it isnt your fault he refused to get help. He did this to himself, and I know that is hard to hear.. but you cant continue to blame yourself for his death.. asking what if, what if I only did this, or were home 5 mins earlier..
God saw the pain in Brads heart, and he took him that day. The healing starts when you forgive yourself and understand that this was somehow part of Gods bigger plan. It took me a very long time to be able to forgive myself for not being able to save those girls, and understand that I was supposed to be there.. and did all I humanly could.
Hugs