Bereavement Support Group
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Today its been 3 months since i found the body of Brad.Brad committed suicide in our yard.Brad cut his wrists.And i am finding out things about Brad.This is like a Hollywood movie.And i began to blame andhate all Christians and i began to hate God.Thats Right for 3 months I hated God and i wanted no part of him..but then someone told me of a fabulous book it is by Rabbi Harold Kushner....When Bad Things happen to Good People and this book has changed my life.I was always asking God...why me? But when it came to this tragedy..I should have asked...What can and how can I move on and be able to be a happy adult without the guilt and shame of suicide that is still a stigma in our society? I began to search.And I did something that i never have.I asked God for forgiveness.I asked Him to forgive me for being a crying and selfish person and i asked him to help pull throught this tragedy so i will be able to write nice and postive columns about beravement for Daily Strength and he has.But this book has taught me...what happened to Brad wasn t of God.God does not ordain tragedy or let it happen.He has given us a free will and Brad choose not to live the rest of his life but by ending it has caused me a lot of pain and I am still working with it.The 9 th step of AA is this...You ask for forgiveness by the people you have offended and hurt during this time..You ask the people to come to you and ask them if they will continue to be your friend.When you work in Brooklyn...well the men and women back East are like Edward I Koch...We dont like nonsense and ifsomething or someone hurts or says something stupid...we speak our mind and this has caused people to shy away.I hate stupid people and I hate the fact that some people say stupid things just to rile you like she does.And she does it on purpose and this at 61 shouldnt be.I am a Tarot card reader and advisor also.The lesson that I will say is this...The Priestess is one of my favorite cards and she represents speech.The Priestesss told me to be careful what you say and how you say it and not to look for power in any relationship which Brad wanted.People judge you by the way that you speak.Now i will close with this.....When there is a tragedy it is not of God...what happened to Brad was the laws of the universe and the reversals of the planets that made his mind screwy.And in tragedy.....god speaks....He sends other human beings people who you dont know who come out of the woodwork and these people help you recover.So remember...Our God is one of love and justice.He doesnt cause or give tragedy.He gives peace and solitsticen and to all you are hurting...why dont you forgive the person whom you are not speaking to or choose not to? Why dont you admit that this is not your fault and by blaming other people you are casuing them to shy away instead of being healed and on your way to recovery.....and here is something I will say...
I will always love Brad.He gave me 12 years of a wonderful life...what he did was selfish and mean...but I will overcome this and live again...you see I have forgiven Brad and all of the pain and physical abuse he caused me and I am looking forward to a new tomorrow.I wish everyone well.
I will always love Brad.He gave me 12 years of a wonderful life...what he did was selfish and mean...but I will overcome this and live again...you see I have forgiven Brad and all of the pain and physical abuse he caused me and I am looking forward to a new tomorrow.I wish everyone well.
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I've blamed God for 8 years for my daughter's death. She was only 13 years old when she was killed. Where was God? On vacation for sure. It wasn't until I read the book "The Shack" that my anger for God went away and I mean completely away. It was nothing shy of a miracle in my eyes. I never thought I would rid myself of this deep anger I carried. It tries to rear its ugly head from time to time but I don't give it a second glance. I'm trying to start again healthy..LOL...I'll never be mentally healthy again but you know what I mean. When YOu're determined though you can accomplish whatever dreams and goals you put in front of you even in the midst of tragedy and anger. School is the escape from the reality of our tragedy. Look at it that way for awhile and you can stop making promises you won't keep
deleted_user
I am sorry to hear about your little girl. I lost my son Josh to CA. He was 16. I miss him, Its almost 2 yrs. I AM lost cause he was my companion and best friend. Hugs Sunny4
deleted_user
What a beautiful entry Vader. In dealing with my husbands overdose, I learned that I had to forgive him, but also I also had to forgive myself. I have come to realize that God forgives all without hesitation, yet we suffer because we cant forgive so easily. I have been following your posts and I am so glad to see you are getting through all the pain that has been placed upon your shoulders. Funny aside, the priestess is my favorite card. When it comes up in my readings it always makes me feel good
vader
to all who have replied.;I am sorry that I havent gotten back to you.But I have been busy trying to get a job....Brad left me with limited funds.And as much as he mistreated me in the final days...I miss Brad.I miss crying in his arms and i miss him in general.This loneliness is getting to me and I am also going crazy cause a great deal of people that I know have left Seattle.My friend Will went back to Michigan to live with his parents.He lost his job and the rent went up and he cant afford a condo lik e me,so he contacted his father and his father told him to come back and he can help him on the farm as least he will have some sort of a job.Will hasnt seen his parents in ages and this will be good for all of them and I lost my final friend.Will doesnt know about Brad because he would have stayed longer then he did..but I dont want anyone to stay because of me and this would be cruel.Look...no one should go through what I have gone through.Finding his body was horrible.It was like a scene out of Hollywood...it was very very gory.And I am faced trying to find out why Brad did this...and i am faced trying to find out what i did not to help him out of this depression.God did not cause this.Brad did.Brad always wanted an easy way out and he has caused me a great deal of pain and my pain in my heart is just so big that i cant take it.I try to be nice and i try to calm but when I talk about Brad..I cant.We were togther for 12 and half years and I feel so incomplete.If the death was natural...things wouldnt be so bad..but why did he do it?And I am always wondering if this could have been prevented and i am still kicking myself where the sun dont shine over the last fight that we had.I miss him and I have got noone to talk to and I am just so alone now that I still wish he was here despite our fights.vader.thanks to all.
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