Monday it was 18 months since I lost my Brad and and it has been a real trauma.I loved Brad and he was not perfect,but he was my best friend and at 63...I am alone and there is noone that I would want to date here.The men at the dance were very immature and they were looking for someone with money.I dont have money.I wish I did.It solve all of my problems but I have decided to stay single and I mean it...no more dating and no more men.Dating has been always a trauma for me and even when i am out with a man it is even a bigger trauma.I go out but it is by myself and I like being alone.All I have is the house and my interests now.I have got my cat who is awesome.And this decision I thought about for quite some time...for the good guys dont exist anymore.All of the men that I have met at these dances...well they all have problems and i cant afford to take on problems that are not mine.The last one that I dated was a single parent who had a wonderful son of 14.But he is always working and i mean working and noone hardly sees him.I felt that he is married to the job and he likes to be at his place of business then with me.He was very much into sports and this mean he was betting on them.So I ended it.We are still friends.2 weeks passed and i saw his son at Barnes and Noble down town.He was a group of boys and he recognized me.He told me that he wanted to go into the Marines and wanted to study music in college.He asked me the age when he can join the Marines without his fathers consent.I told him 18.He smiled and told me that his father is always working.And he wishes that he could do father and son things together.He told me of an up and coming teenager in seattle,.He is 15 and he is awesome.He is doing a tribute to Frank Sinatra and he has got all of Sinatras mannerism and this kid is on his way to stardom.You may like or hate Sinatra..but he had a voice.Now let me get back.This boy of 14 told me that he wishes his father would marry.And then he left .This boy is nice but I am not a parent nor do I want to be.I want to be friends with this man.but i cant.Men and women now like in When Harry met Sally...they simply cant be platonic friends.I had plenty of platonic friends when I was younger,but it cant be.Why do men want sex in all of their relationships? I dont think that this is fair.Why is sex so glamorized? I think it is overrated and shouldnt matter.We cant teach people that every relationship with end with an affair or a quickie.We cant teach people that.We must teach people that there are all kinds of friends and we do it now.We also must teach our girl children that being alone isnt a sin and you must learn to like it.Dating is something that I feel is outdated and the trauma that I have with it,it just aint worth it.Since I havent worked in 10 years...I dont have all of clothes.I dont have skirts or dresses.I have got a lot of jeans.Everything is casual in seattle.And this is perfect for me.I am on a limited income and i cant afford clothes.I cant afford to even get my hair done.I do it myself.Dating has done nothing but hurt me.The last time i dated..I came home and I threw up.The guy never called me back and for this I am grateful.I realized this.Brad was the love of my life and sometimes love hurts.Love isnt perfect.Brad was a hopeless alcoholic who was sober for 5 years.He tried and i mean he tried,but in the end alcohol ruled out.but Brad and i had some fantastic good times and i remember them well.I remember the times that he made m e breakfast and every Tuesday there was pizza.We used to go out to Arbys and McDonalds.And we used to go to the buffet.One day he took me dancing and he was a hit.Brad loved to dance and it was his encouragement that I sang again and I used to do karoke every week.He would let me go.And these were the happiest times of my life.And my Brad did more for me then anyone else in my life.And Will never forget him.He was my man and I will always love him and I have put his name on memorial sites on the Internet.He was and will be always with me and if it wasnt for him,I wouldnt have this house.I would have nothing.And noone calles me or comes over now all because of what Brad did.I am being avoided.It is like a stigma.But these people who were avoiding me were not here and they did not know what it is like to see someone die and I was powerless to stop it.And so here it is.I loved Brad and i always will and noone will replace him.I am alone and this is how it is going to be.No more men and no more dating.I am through.No more!