I sure appreciate how you feel....your angry is healthy, and I'm so glad you realize it was NOT your fault, and that it was not your choice. You are healthier mentally than you may think. As far as what he did....I would have to say that it was the drugs talking and the depression acting. It wasn't the man you knew and loved. Addiction to anything can make people do many things they otherwise would not do. And believe it or not, when they do these things, they are NOT thinking about their loved ones. They aren't really thinking at all. They are feeling PAIN and it becomes so overwhelming that they can only see one way out. Do not, I repeat, do not let yourself be bothered by what others may think (separated, so you shouldn't care as much.) That's just a crock....no one can tell you what you feel or should feel. Just remember, the addiction did this to you, as well as the accompanying depression. It's just too bad that he couldn't see his way clear to get the right help. NOT YOUR FAULT. But that doesn't eradicate the pain and hurt, I know. Somewhere down the road you will have to find a way to forgive him in order to save yourself and your children. When children see unforgiveness in their parent's eyes, they become children who cannot forgive. You'll need to do it to take the knife out of your own back. If you can, get a book by Lawrence Smedes on forgiveness....they have several through Amazon.com, quite cheap. They are excellent and really help. God bless you and your children. I wish you big blessings from now on.

Beckeroo (Becky)

i am so sorry for your loss. drugs whether they are prescription or illegal have a way of destoying those we all love. you are not to blame for his short comings. we are here if you need to talk.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Jan

I have seen what drugs do to a loved one, not on your scale but the changes that they go through. You did nothing wrong, we all make choices in life and he made his. Hang on to the fact you are not at fault no matter what anyone says. I agree that you must forgive, it's a blessing to forgive, if you cannot forgive then the lord cannot forgive you for your transgressions. You will feel so much better in the end, trust me I know, I have forgiven and felt the blessing.

I am sorry for your loss. How could being seperated make it easier? Don't listen to what other people say they have no right to tell you how to feel. You deal with this loss any way you need to. and you do whatever it is you need to do to feel better no matter what anybody says.

You are not to blame for his addiction and his death. It was his decision although drugs have a way of taking control. It is ok for you to be angry and hurt that he left you feel he should have been able to control his addiction if he wanted to be with you bad enough. How dare his family blame you when they should be rallying around you to support you and your kids. Shame on them. My prayers go to you and your kids. Angelique

Thanks everyone for the support. I didn't think I was ready to talk and try and cope but coming here and trying to deal does help in small ways. And that is all I can do right now, small things.

Yesterday someone said to me "so you lost him a long time ago" and it hit me that was a true statement.

Separation and death are not the same. There was a chance before but not now. People mean well but don't always know what to say.