today is the day that I have reached the magic age.I am 62 years old.This is my first birthday without Brad and frankly it has been a good one.I awoke and I was treated to breakfast at I hop from my waiter and one of the regulars.Then I went to the get my mail and got a card from my 94 year old aunt.She lives in West Virginia now and is helping in a food bank.And I wonder why....I went to Value Village and got the book for 4.99 that I wanted to get.It was written by Valerie Plame whose husband came out against the Irag war and it cost her job.It is well written.I am just so happy because I want everyone to know that the salvation army wants me back for christmas again so I will be employed for two months and ti will start in November.Yes,Brad comiitted suicide.Yes..it has been hard..but if I sound a bit selfish it is because I still want to get on with my life and I was told to mourn for two years.How long must a person mourn? I have been wearing black since May.How long must I feel this way? I wonder if it is a sin to laugh and feel happy again.I will never and I mean never forget Brad.We had twelve years together and they were a bit rocky..but I have forgiven Brad.Suicide isnt anyones fault.Brad chose to take the easy way...out you see..I found out that he was very sick and he only had a few months to live.This is what was told me.Brad was in no pain..but he told me that he was having money problems and i found out that this wasnt true.Today I celebrate my birthday.And I laughed.I cant cry on my birthday and I still cry over Brad but today i am joyful and happy as I am planning my future.Brad left me with limited funds so i have to get a part time job but i will i have always found work and as i celebrate my birthday I will leave everyone with this.......10 years ago..brad was very happy and then we moved toBallard.Ballard is a section of seattle and it was a nice neighborhood but it was changing and it hurt Brad.Now I live in the most wonderful section of seattle.It is called Greenwood.My neighbors are wonderful and there are all cat lovers here.On this block alone there are 12 cats.my cats love this house and so do I and remember this..I had 12 wonderful years with Brad..but it is over.Peop-le change and so did Brad and it wasnt for the good.He really changed and i wont forget this...Lets celebrate the good times...not the bad...true,brad committed suicide...but hard times for me are over as I prepare for my future...a good future no matter what I do and i am looking for the rainbow and thank the good lord for tomorrow.I love you Brad and I miss you..vader.