Hi vader, and sorry you're still hurting.

Pardon my French, but I think your therapist is full of shit. "Move on"...to what? Emptiness? Love is all we've got! RELISH those memories.

The older I get, and the more I seem to be outliving others who are dying around me, I realize that the art of dealing with the pain of separation, retaining one's emotional health and sanity is to learn the art of attach, detach, then attach again, burn, dodge and burn somewhere else. There's plenty of love still here, you just have to take the time and energy to build a relationship with someone or something new. I realize it's hard, but creating anything great and worthwhile takes work.

If I may quote a movie, I watched Highlander recently, and certain aspects of it rang true for me, the bereaved. It's the story of an immortal, played by Christopher Lambert. Short of losing his head in a sword battle, he cannot die. He of course goes through these issues, of seeing OTHERS around him, that he cares about, particularly his beautiful wife, die. His immortal co-hort, played by Sean Connery, talks about HIS late wife, and says "I would spare you that pain, brother. Let her go." Of course, Lambert can't, and doesn't, is there with her right up to the end of her life when she's old and on her deathbed, and helps her be comfortable while she goes. He IS a little skittish about getting emotionally attached to anyone else for the rest of the story however. I would've liked to have seen the filmmakers address the issue of attach, detach, then attach again.

I don't know if this helps, but movies help me, sort of cathartically work through these issues. I can cry with the characters on screen and feel OK. My own pain is lessened, because I realize others are feeling the same things.

Forrest Gump is another beautiful film, when Tom Hanks' Forrest outlives his beloved Jenny, who dies of AIDS. I really feel his pain when he's talking with her, about life, about their son, at her grave, then says "I miss you, Jenny!", and, as he walks away, a little flock of birds fly away, as though she heard him. Beautiful.

I wish the deceased could communicate with us in an articulate way that we could understand! Instead, they send us little "clues"! Agree?

Anyway, I'm CELEBRATING, in great detail, memories of my deceased brother when he was here, in the form of old home videos. I make it a practice every year to go back through all that old footage I shot of my brother when he was alive and well and archive it on DVD for me, my family and his friends to enjoy. It's been cathartically soothing for everyone. Something about the power of the movie image with sound that brings them right back. I know my brother is gone, but it's just so soothing to see him move and hear the silky, smooth tone of his voice.

Pictures are great, but do you have any VIDEOS of Brad when he was here, alive and well and having fun? If so, as much as your therapist would probably say "It's not healthy to live in the past", I think watching these videos from time to time would really help you FONDLY remember Brad instead of only thinking about the current pain of separation.

One thing that has helped me deal with the death of a loved one it to talk to that person. I know they can't talk back but I imagine what they would say to me, and I say it out loud.

I ask myself, what would my dad say to me? I think he would tell me that he will see me again one day, and to not let his passing bother me so much. I have always felt the presense of my dad helping me, guiding me, and sending me signs in one way or another. I am sure he likes it when I recognize that also.

Ask yourself what your brother would say to you over the hurt you are still feeling from his passing. What would he say to you?

I think it's a good idea to do what Koolman does and to think of your brother in a positive light, with pictures, videos. The emotional pain you are feeling will subside with time which is how our brains were designed to heal.

A pet is like a family member and the hardest part of owning a pet is having to say goodby. I have had 3 dogs in my life that have past on and I loved everyone of them and I miss them all. I have a feeling they are all playing together in heaven and I will see them all again someday. That's the way I view them. I have a 4 year old dog now and I know I will miss her when she is gone but I try to focus on the here and now and appreciate her for who she is and what she does. I try not to think too far ahead.

Hang in there my friend,

God Bless!

At age 68, most of the people--and all of the animals--I loved are now on the Other Side. About a third of my graduating class have passed. I still miss my grandmothers, one of whom died when I was 17 and the other when I was 21. Time dulls the pain, but does not eliminate it. I agree with Koolman: RELISH the memories. Keep the departed loved and respected and enjoyed. My best pet ever, Genevieve, a half-Siamese, died unexpectedly in 2006 in my apt. during the night. I got to witness her final moments. Took me a long time to be able to remember her without tears. She was SO loving, so terrific. Blessings to you.

I'm sure your therapist means well, BTW. I didn't mean to discount his or her contribution.

to koolman and others..I thank all of you and i do think that the therapist is full of shit.I am trying to remember the good times and I have been told to move on.It has been 5 years and I am still having money problems and making friends with the exception of the wonderful people in Daily Strength is hard.Peiople today believe in a great deal of things.I have been asked if I believe in God..but if there is a God...why is there pain and separation? ZI dont think God would have wanted any of them.But I will see Highlander and get it from the library...Koolman...I will tell you how it is i am seeing it tonight and tonighht I ahve to write a short story for class so I will be busy and I accept the date that my cat is dead and I must really accept it now.Onceagain thansk to all.vader

I deal with memories through journaling. It has been fourteen months, but sometimes it seems like yesterday. I write love letters in red ink to him telling him about what I've done or what I will do. I also did a photo journal, writing comments sometimes explaining the occasions. I love photography so I chronicled our dating, marriage and occasions with family gatherings, etc. We were together 36 years. It took 5 months because I would become so overwhelmed. But I have 500 photos with comments. It was very therapeutic for me.