Hi Melanie. I totally know what you mean about your world falling apart. That's how I felt 4-1/2 years ago when my 24 year old son passed away. the things that have helped me are leaning on and expressing my feelings to "safe" family/friends, reading a lot of self-help, grief books, being kind and patient with myself, work on or develop a hobby, listen to uplifting music, and I started meditating which has been great and made me feel my son's presence. It's so important to have some positive experiences and moments--anything that brings you relief--even for just a moment. And, just breathe. Hope this helps. I'm here to listen and help. (((Hugs))) Dee

Hi Melanie. I'm Courtney and I'm going through just about the same thing. My grandma passed on 12/4/14 and she raised me as well. I feel like I've lost my mother and even though I have many other people in my life but I feel so alone and like the world is empty. I don't know how we get through it because I'm struggling myself but I do know what you're going through. My marriage is also suffering. My husband and I have different approaches to grief. I know this isn't really helpful because I can't really offer advice but please know someone else out there knows exactly what you're going through.

Hi, Melanie. What helped me was watching old videos of my departed brother when he was alive, well, happy and having a good time. It helped re-open those positive neuro pathways, helped me remember the GOOD times, the funny jokes we shared and the kind of warm, wonderful relationship we enjoyed with each other, before it all went to hell with him working too much, getting deprived of sleep and his unhappiness in his attempts to find love in relationships with women.

I then tried to transpose those fond memories on new people, trying to form new relationships that were similar to the relationship I enjoyed with my brother. I'm generally successful. I enjoy making people laugh, and thankfully, I'm usually able to do that.

Here's a great one from late 1992-early 1993, where you'll see my brother's love of impersonating celebrities:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lalMDM3TCKo

Guys thank you so much for your support. Its great to hear everyones stories and tips. Courtney, i totally understand. My husband just recently lost his aunt last week and hes trying to act as normal as possible, while i let myself fall into this hole. And koolman, i dont actually have many videos but tons of pictures that i look at all the time and one i keep next to my bed. I have her ashes in a necklace i wear everyday and my cousin and i got her handwriting with a wing tattooed on us for what would of been her 71st birthday this year. Im trying my best to be positive like my husband is, but i just cant bring myself to be totally happy.

I know, it's hard. I held onto the portion of my brother's ashes that I was given by our dad, in a little baggie, for the longest time. After 6 months, I finally realized it was silly to hold onto his mortal remains when his spirit was long-gone, and I scattered the baggie of ashes in the soil around my pool deck where he used to like to lay out in the sun. I think he appreciated that, was looking down from the great beyond, and was smiling.

When you're able to only remember the GOOD times, with the bad final moments a distant memory, I think you'll get your smile back. And she's not that far away, y'know. Every night, when you fall asleep, she may be there, crossing paths with you, in your dreams!

unfortunately its harder for me to combat the bad or painful memories since i was heavily involved in taking care of her in her last months of life. between myself, my mom and my aunt we all would stay a few nights in a row and take care of her and help with doctors and medications and all that. its hard to push that to the back of my mind because its all so fresh. i saw her decline and it was just heart wrenching to see, because my whole life she was up and lively and we had so many good memories. the same woman lying in that bed was same woman who would chase the ice cream truck around the corner to get me an ice cream bar. so as easy as it is to think of good memories, because believe me i have tons, its as easy to recall all the painful ones.

Hi Melanie, i joined the site for the same reason and i have just been trolling (in a positive way!) the site looking for someone who is going through what i am. I was also raised by my grandma and my grandpa nad they have both passed within 2 weeks of one another and it hurts so bad.

i have been doing everything to keep busy but the sadness still lurks in the shadows. my grandma would HATE that i am so upset, which forces me to feel guilt.

i was with her when she died and she looked me right in the eyes as she passed. i "coached" her to go be with my late grandfather and told her it was okay and i would be okay and now i feel like i lied to her because i don't feel okay at all. i held her hand through her last few weeks of life and told her how much i love her, how much she is loved, and how beautiful and special she is to me. i told her that i never loved someone as much as i love her, and i meant it.

my fiancee has been totally amazing for me but i know im putting him in an uncomfortable spot because i cry every night and i try so hard to be strong that my lip will violently quiver and i just cant hold it back. even today at work ive had constant tears streaming down my eyes.

i literally have dreaded this my whole life, and now it is my reality, and its EXHAUSTING to be so "strong" all the time. i know its what she would want from me but its so hard. i don't know how to live my life without her yet. sometimes i feel guilt for wanting to know how.

Hi Tara. i can understand your feelings of guilt because i feel the same sometimes. i feel like if i cry i shouldnt be crying because she wouldnt want me to be sad, but its how i feel, sad and empty. she was one constant person in my life besides my parents. all my friends came and went and my parents are divorced and my mom is remarried so she was the only person who never changed. the person who knew my secrets and never judged.but then when she got her cancer it was like whoa. i wasnt with her when she died but just hours before. i did however spend her last months with her, helping take care of her at her house. she chose to die after everyone had visited her in her hospital room one last time. i did get to spend some time with her after she died though. im constantly tired anymore, simply because getting through each day is exhausting. i just wish i could live like everyone else in my family. they seem to be doing fine.