Hi Vader,

It is not easy. Especially the first few years. It does seem to get easier as the years pass. It has been 6 years since my Daddy past. The first year, I couldn't go to work or function very well. It does get easier. I found going to see my Daddy on or around his birthday helps me. Nothing says you can't still sing to them? The first few years I would put an add in the obits. What I have found- it is very hard to celebrate MY birthday now. I have pretty much stopped. My family doesn't anymore but my co-workers made a big deal - and I just pray to make it thru the day w/o crying. Prayer helps me !

I had a cake for my ex yesterday and he has been gone for 5 years now.I always have a cake for his birthday and I wish him peace up in heaven.I feel I am keeping his memory alive by doing this and not one person thinks I am crazy because they know the pain I went through.

I don't really do anything special other than spend the day in meditation. My husband has been gone for 7 years, and ever since his death I've just spent quiet days by myself. Unfortunately, his birthday is Sept. 11th, the day of our National tragedy. So it makes it even more poignant to me.

I think whatever feels "right" to you is what you should do. It doesn't have to be anything "special." Just so it feels appropriate to YOU. God bless.

Well, yes, whatever touches your heart, many ways.

Sometimes I hesitate to share because I know that what people offer is well meaning and many times does not reflect the depth of what I am asking for.

My dad died April 20 of this year, he, my sister and brother had spent every birthday together for the last 35 years. We are older, all in our late 40's and early fifties. Still, EVERY birthday we had spent together.

My birthday was May 11, just a few weeks after his passing. This year my brother and sister did come over and I added a couple of close friends. Of course it was not the same without my dad, yet celebrating in just a bit of a different way gave us all the feeling that, although the pain at that time was almost unbearable, there was a glimpse of the "new". A new way that could continue while realizing and acknowledging it would never be the same.

So, perhaps, you can ask a question to yourself, how would I like to celebrate in a "new" way, that gives a bit of life to the new as well as honoring what has passed away.

Much love,
Marsha

I lost Mike 3 1/2 months before his birthday and exactly 4 months to the day before what was supposed to be our wedding day. Mike loved the trees here and always marveled at how we lived in the woods. So I planted a tree in his honor with a stone at the bottom dedicating it to Mike. The pictures are in My Photos. We also had a butterfly release which was beautiful. These were Monarch butterflies which we don't have around here. But a few times I've seen one on the butterfly bushes I planted and I think it is Mike letting me know he is here.

Holidays are just awful. We don't celebrate Easter but I couldn't go to my family for th seder because last year Mike had announced our engagement there last year. I guess you do whatever works for you.

Sue

This is from vader and I thank to all who have respondede.The ideas were just terrific and I will use them when I visit Franks grave as of next year.

Hi Vader,
As a Bereavement Counselor, I have discovered a helpful question you can answer: What will help you?
Think about your options like being alone or being with others. Do you need a party? Do you need to buy something in memory of that person? Do you need to write? Or draw? What will be healing for you? And then do that.

as bad as this may sound..I supress dates that had anything to do with her. I don't want to think about it..ever. Even stupid labor day hurt.

Hi Vader,
i,' having my 3rd birthday without Harry tomorrow and I don't find it easier at all. I was supposed to go out today and now know that I can't leave the house. this happens to me at times. I miss being able to talk to him and make plans for what we were going to do. Hope it gets easier for you.
love Janet