Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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Donzygirl 03/27/2015

I have been a member here since 2009. I lost a little girl and I still am not sure what happened. The doctor never gave me any answers. About two months later my mom got diagnosed with Cancer and so she quit her job and I would send her pretty much all my pay check so she could make it.
My sons father started cheated on me so I moved back home, to Utah to live with my mom and continue to help her while she watched my son so I could work two jobs.
About a year after I arrived back in Utah, my grandpa passed away from swelling on the brain from surgery, unexpected. This was a really hard time for my mom and all she could do is cry. I didn't know exactly what to say to her to make her feel better because my grandpa and I never had a close relationship. I didn't meet him till I was about 16 and he never called us his family.
About a year ago, my grandma got diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and he told my grandma she had six months to a year to live. The cancer had spread almost throughout her entire body. A few months before she was diagnosed she came to live with us. My mom took care of her non-stop and she also took care of my son while I worked two jobs.
This last past year my grandma and mom got extremely close. My mom would tell me that this was the relationship she always wanted but never had with my grandma. She would cry and ask me why she my grandma couldn't love her the way she did now. I never knew what to say or how to respond.
My grandma passed away unexpectedly on March 12th from a massive heart attack and my mom is falling apart. My son is falling apart and I think in a way so am I. I don't know what to say or how to hold the family together. My mom never wants to be alone and she doesn't want to live in the house anymore. I don't want to do anything. I had to go back to work and that was never fun. I am just unsure of what to say. How do I help my mom and comfort her when she is going through such an emotional time in her life while trying to help my 6 year old son. My son is so sad and he just keeps asking why do people have to die? I'm supposed to stay strong but how do you stay strong when everyone else is hurting worse than you?

Loving11 03/28/2015

Hi Donzygirl. I carefully read through your post and had to think carefully what to say. You have had many losses in a short period of time. This is difficult. There are things we have control of in our lives and unfortunately death is not one of them. It's difficult to try to hold a family together when everyone is grieving, however, grieving is a part of healing. As difficult as it seems, we must be able to grieve to find some acceptance and the time for this to happen is different for each person. Your son, I'm sure is also going through a lot. Be there to support him. With all that your family is going through, it is a good idea to speak with someone a counselor, minister or friends. Do not keep this pain within, let it out, it's important to move on. Two years ago, I never believed I could have written this because I was in so much pain following the death of my mother and the death of a child, however, God has been good and although I still grieve, I am able to start living again. Take everything one day at a time and most importantly give time time. Hugs and may God grant you comfort at this very difficult time.

vckmag42 03/29/2015

I am so sorry that you and your family have gone through so much. I know it's hard to think of anything positive but I do see positive things that came out of your grief. Your mother got to know that her mother does love her. Truly if you hadn't come together this acknowledgement of love may not have occurred. Many times we do not know why God gives us difficulties in life but I know that it's because he wants us to remember that our true home is with HIM.
Love one another and enjoy your son, grieve and pray as I pray for you and your family. If you can you may want to see a doctor for help in this emotional time.
My son passed away leaving his daughter with me. She is 7; and she turned to me and said "Wouldn't it be cool if after one year her Daddy could come back?" I said yes it would be cool.
Children have a resiliency that I envy!
Hugs

foundlove 03/30/2015

Perhaps family counseling would help everyone professionally get feelings out in healthy way? Everyone dealing with all this loss is so difficult, I can't even imagine. It's not up to you to fix everything, remember. There's only so much you can do, and you must take time for yourself in order to keep sane and stay strong. Just tell your mom that this is very difficult time but we will get through it day by day, and that you really need her to keep things together for your son. Just tell her how much you need this, and please try not to upset him. It's not up to you to have to keep your mom from losing it emotionally. She has to keep herself together, you know? As far as your son, he is the one who is still fragile and developing. I would put all my effort into taking care of him and helping him understand death is a part of life, and these things happen, but we must stay strong and life continues. He still does not fully understand death, maybe? This is good time to teach him healthy grieving, and how to deal emotionally with feelings of loss by talking about them, painting, and being healthy by exercising. I wish you best of luck, and hope you stay strong.

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