yes,you will experience that,the loneliness,guilt emptyness,heartaches,tears,I cry sometimes and makes me feel better after,right now as am writing this am experiencing heartache and the emptyness in me,it sucks but you just have to go through it,even when am watching a movie,there is always a time I just get emotional and just cry,everyday I cry so your not alone hugs to you!

I wish I can say it gets better with time. But truthfully, it doesn't. When my mom died there was a physical ache in my chest for a long time. The grief remains. You just make room in your life for it. Its like walking around with a band-aid. Its fine now but hurts when you rip it off to just put another on. Then my dad died this year and I went through it all over again.

I believe that it gets better with time. Or perhaps "less bad" is a more accurate way to phrase it.

And still another way to describe it is that we adjust to a "new normal", life without the one we lost.

The death of my grandparents did not cause me that much trouble. My first grandparent to go died of cancer; she had previously helped me understand that when my aunt died there were times when people are so ill and injured that death is more kind than living. Then when she got cancer, and I saw what it did to her body, her words came back and comforted me. I was not even a teenager when she died.

My other grandparents lived long lives, and were well into failing health and dementia when they passed. They were not the loving type of people, so I was less attached to them.

When my sister passed, totally unexpected, I focused most of my bereavement energy on my parents who took it very hard. That diverted me. But then as my parents got sick and died, I was angry at my sister for dying and leaving me "alone" to deal with them.

When mom died, she had been in very poor health, she was a shell of the person she used to be, and she was headed into the deep end of dementia. In many ways her passing was a blessing. Again I focused on dad. He joined us for dinner every night (except for just a handfull) for the last 13 months of his life, until he went into the hospital. I saw just how much dad missed mom, and I learned from that.

But when dad died (getting sad now) he was the last of my birth family. I did not see it coming, so it hurt a lot. My family was there for me, my wife and children. My sister's children were there too, he was their grandpa. So this one was hard. I had his estate to organize and settle, so that took my mind off things. The funeral was good, it was nice to see how many people liked him and were sad to see him go. We had a spreading of the ashes out at sea, limited to family. That helped me a lot.

Basically it boils down to taking things day by day. Yes, they leave holes in our hearts, but the trick I learned is to fill those holes in ways that honor them. My father is gone, never to return. But I can honor him by being the best dad (and uncle, and great uncle, ... ) I can to children, nieces, nephews, etc. Likewise I can honor my mother by living the attributes I respected in her: love, forgiveness, believing in family, and making the world a little better.

Accepting their passing, letting go of the endless "what if I had only ... " thoughts, and focusing on the family and friends I do have has served me well.

Gentle hugs, sorry for going on and on, and welcome to our group

I agree with whoever said that with time it gets "less bad." I don't think we ever really get over losses that we experience, instead we learn to live in our own new normal without the people we've lost. With the losses I have experienced I didn't do much coping at the time of the deaths, instead I pretended that all was ok. That way of coping inevitably bit my in the butt. When it comes to grief I adhere to the notion that "the only way out is through." We have to allow ourselves to grieve.

I agree with 'less bad and new normal' as well.... It changes our lives however over some time we adapt and we go on
Letting grief out is important.... I sort of shutdown and I don't think that is the healthiest way to cope.... It bit me in the butt to..... Gentle hug and a blessing.....xo

I thought the concept of filling the whole that is left in your heart with something that honors your loved one is a wonderfully healing concept. I try to use a similar concept with my children in keeping my grandmothers memory alive. We make food that she loved to cook, and as we go about our daily live, I find myself telling them stories about her, or telling them how proud she is of them as they are getting older.
I will be thinking about you...grief takes time, and it is so different for everyone. Sending you blessing today.