Bereavement Support Group
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So much has happened in the past few weeks and i have been really busy.But something happened that needs to be discussed and what would you do? I read in the local paper..that sophies husband died.I didnt know her that well and after what has happened noone here knows what to do.We found out that sophies husband did not die at home.He was in a room with another woman and he had a heart attack.Noone knew about this affair.She didnt even have a clue.Towards the end..he seldome came home and he stopped talking to her.They were going to celebrate 50 years and the party was going to be at a posh place here.She invited me because she knew that I sing and I did promised her that I would sing two songs and I would do it without charge.Now she is in shock and she does not know what to do.Now she is a widow.But her husband died in the arms of another woman and I dont know what to say to her.Can she grieve even tho he has been unfaithful? Sophie also found e mails on his computer and messages on his cell phone.This has been going on for quite some time and now at 68....she is almost penniless.She did call me and she asked me..what can she do? I told her to at least have a memorial service.A service would be nice and her friends would come and I can also speak.Sophie at 68 has found out about the ultimate betrayal.Why do these men have secret lives? What is the point? She asked me and the others..Can I grieve? Can I wear black? Then she said to me softky..she feels like screaming and going on a camping trip to Florida.I told her that a trip at this time..would not be advised..but after the funeral..I did say why take a ferry trip to see the farms in Whidbey Islands? I feel for her..but I dont know what to say or do..My late grandfather told me this..Do you know that there are 11 commandments that were given to Moses on the mountain? The 11 commandment my granddad said was this..Thou shalt mind your own business where every you are...then he added an Italian proverb..if you dont mind your own business..things to happen.This is all I am goint to call Sophie and take her to the new icream place.I can get a organic banana split for 9.50 and it is so good and it will make her feel better.What would I do or say? Like I said..dont know! What would you do?
deleted_user
I want so much to respond with wisdom and compassion, but this is a horrific situation. To grieve not only for the passing of her husband, but for her relationship and the betrayal, is so much to bear. Whatever you do, it will be the right thing because you are full of compassion. Best wishes.
deleted_user
I am so sorry for her. To lose one to death is so hard. Having to find out about a death and a betrayal at the same time just awful. I think just having a friend like you to listen without judgment or advice would be so much help.
Scott46
So sorry for your friend's loss and pain. It reminds me of a movie with Jack Nicholson, "About Schmidt". His wife of many many years dies and he is distraught and not sure what to do with his life. He finds out she had had an afair years earlier which obviously complicates his grief journey. Its worth a watch. 50 years is a long time. I doubt he was cheating on your friend for 50 years. I suggest she look at the whole 50 years. Was she happy for most of it? If she could go back and relive her life would she erase the whole 50 years and marry someone else because of the recent cheating? I don't know. This is tough. Scott
alicea
That is terrible, and my heart goes out to her. I cannot even imagine.. I think I would also maybe just try to tell her to think about the wonderful years that she did have, although I cannot imagine how hurt she is. You can give her the best gift right now, and that is to just listen, and you are great at that. She is lucky to have you.... Hugs, Alice
vader
thanks to all who have replied.I havent seen people in awhile.With Brad being sick with the flue and all..things have been hectic.Tomorrow we both go to the polls and Brad hasnt voted in a long time.As for her..she doesnt know what to do or say..but she is planning a trip after the New Year.She wants to go to Florida and retire then.Too hot!
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