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I read a post in discussions then I went to that person's page to read their profile. So much of what the person wrote sounds like me... I am 50 though and my life while not a lot different... well I've lived through another 27 years... parts of it have been wonderful... but then lately a lot of its been hell...
So what I'm writing about is that I feel like my bipolar, depression, anxiety, lack of self confidence etc etc etc has negatively affected my children. Actually I know that it has.
I'm worried about other young people who are raising children. I'm worried about my children, and my grandchildren and future generations.
I keep wondering during those years that I was getting counseling would it have helped if I'd brought my children for counseling and education, if I'd talked to them more about my disease, if if if... Maybe my children would not have such a hard time dealing with the same stuff I have... would my daughter still be alive?
These are very hard questions I'm asking. If there's anyone with suggestions for breaking the cycle of depression please tell us. Our children's lives may depend on it.
So what I'm writing about is that I feel like my bipolar, depression, anxiety, lack of self confidence etc etc etc has negatively affected my children. Actually I know that it has.
I'm worried about other young people who are raising children. I'm worried about my children, and my grandchildren and future generations.
I keep wondering during those years that I was getting counseling would it have helped if I'd brought my children for counseling and education, if I'd talked to them more about my disease, if if if... Maybe my children would not have such a hard time dealing with the same stuff I have... would my daughter still be alive?
These are very hard questions I'm asking. If there's anyone with suggestions for breaking the cycle of depression please tell us. Our children's lives may depend on it.
i told my other sons to do the same thing..to constantly barrage themselves with self-kindness and self love
when i blame myself for anything, i am hurting myself. i am starting to realize that , if i am going to be even a little bit like who my son joey is right now, and be close to him, i must recognize that since he is unfathomable love now, i have to also BE aware of ME being unfathomable love..and i dont have to prove it to anyone, all i have to do is BE it, BELIEVE i am unfathomable love..anyway,when i catch myself saying "Oh i am no good i should have done this better" i start to change that to "Oh i am magnificent i am the most wonderful glorious being!! I am pure love in every way!!" and that is a mantra i will always use now
love and hugs
The challenge is to teach that to our children, so that they adopt the same practice.
It's a wonderful question and one I wish more people would ask with respect to many aspects of their children's lives.
I don't believe that Cara's destiny (hope that is not the wrong word to use here) would have been changed with different results "IF" she would have gone with you to your counseling sessions...she or your son may not have wanted to go, and had you forced them, they only would have "turned off" their hearing.
Sometimes as parents we never know what we should clue our kids into and what not...it is called a rock and a hard place.
Elissa, I have come to know you, that I feel safe in saying that I believe that you were and still are a wonderful mom. I believe your children and grand babies know and feel the intense love that you have for each and everyone of them.
You did what you felt was right at the time by not telling them everything...you were probably afraid that they would be scared something awful was going to happen to their mom, because kids hear that word "illness" or "disease" and they think the worse, and I am sure you felt they would and you wanted to spare them any unnecessary worry...because, you are a good mom, and that's what a good mom does.
I think that WAY too much is known to our children today, and I think that is why our kids are so stressed out and falling into drugs and alcohol more now than ever before.
I think what we should be telling our kids on a constant and daily basis is that we love them and we will always be here when they need us.
I do believe that, yes, they should be aware of certain things/dangers to an extent, but they need to be kids first and then adults.
Our kids are growing up WAY TOO FAST today...and that in itself is enough reason to be worried.
Just let your kids and grandbabies know how much you love them, tell them what they need to know when they ask.
I think of the what if's alot myself, but really that is no way to live. Don't beat yourself up...you have done a great job raising your children. And as you know, we can tell our kids about the dangerous and mean world and then we have to let them go...then all we can do is hope and pray that they will listen to what we have taught them...and when they are old enough to know better...then it truly is out of our hands as we have done the best we can.
All that really can be done after that is to love them.
I hope I made some sense, and I hope I didn't hurt you or over step my bounds on anything, as I know that you are hurting in a way that I know nothing about...I just want you to know that you are a WONDERFUL mom and friend! Love you, Kat ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))