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This is the first big holiday with out my mom. She passed away Jan of last year and this is the first Christmas without her and I am having a very hard time dealing with this. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with things better?
I lost someone special in Jan. too. His birthday was in Nov. That was a major hurdle to get over. I did. Here's what I did and I don't care if anyone thinks I"m crazy. I had a little birthday party for him. I bought him balloons a small cake and some edible presents like candy. I made his favorite meal and put his picture on the dining room table. It helped so much just to do that. I know he really wasn't there and I cried. But to be able to do SOMETHING that we use to do made it more bearable.
I'd say do the same thing. Maybe buy your mother something special that you think she would like and wrap it up for Christmas and celebrate as you always have keeping in mind she is still around watching over you. Then put that present in your keepsake box.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss. It does get better. I promise!
You could also start preparing for Christmas each day with your mom.
start a scrapbook
Label it Christmas with mom 2012
each photo you find, write down the memory (you may do 2 to 20 photos, whatever you can handle).
Each day do this.
Does not have to be a fancy scrapbook just one you slip in the photos.
Write your memories on index cards
Remember this is something for you to feel close to your mom and not something to be too hard to do.
Make your mom and yours favorite beverage or coffee or tea.
Do it with her music playing and enjoy the feeling she is with you.
Decide on what you loved of hers and wear it Christmas Eve.
Wrap it and Christmas Day open it.
Every Christmas Eve wrap it and Every Christmas open it.
God Bless You.
Her spirit will be watching over you over Xmas and all the time
Take care
prayer sent you way. Yes the first are the hardest. I find journaling helps.
I have decided to really down play them and do what feels good to me.
I think we can get duped by all of the commercialism and get caught up in the whirlwind of festive events and celebrating.
It doesn't have to be this way.
To me, keep it simple and meaningful. If you are sad, that's OK. Just realize that this and the next few years may be difficult but don't add an extra layer of pressure to your grief. The "holidays" will be gone within a few weeks, and all of this pressure that we put on ourselves will be gone.
Iknow the void. It can't simply be filled or overlooked. Honor the importance of your mom and at the same time take care of youself.
Time helps to an extent. I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is a long road.