Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Hi, it feels strange to be talking about this so openly for the first time. I turned 24 years old this January. I can't tell more about myself because I'm still very paranoid about anybody I know finding out I'm still grieving. I know it's not a dirty secret or something, let's just say I'd like to keep it this way for now. I lost my mother on July 16th 2015. It's been about 8 months now. Due to some family circumstance I am pretty much living alone for the most part except for my dad who is rarely around. My mother had been sick for two years, I got a job right after graduation and I needed it to pay for her nurse. At nights I would stay up with her, in the morning work with kids at a school for special children. In the noon read her a book cause she liked it and take a nap to prepare for the next night shift with her. My life was based on a schedule, I began to lose friends cause I never had time but I was all okay with it cause I hoped one day she will get better. May last year, I had to take time off work and till July it was all ICU visits with me sleeping in the hospital corridors. I'll spare you the details. I went back to work right after she died, had a breakdown, resigned, got another job as a play therapist for cancer patients and in January resigned there too. I was only trying to do my best. I am now home and have no idea where to go from here. I tried to make work my cover and now as Im home Im finally realizing what grief does to you and I can't tell anyone cause Im supposed to 'be over it'. I dont know what to do next.
I can't imagine who or what made you think that you are supposed to be over the loss of your mom ( your provider, your comforter, your biggest fan, your greatest love) in such a short time. Especially when it seems you didn't really give yourself the time and space to even start grieving.
What you need to know is that grief has no rules or timeline. You have to cope as best you can in a way that works best for you. Of course you are confused. None of us are ever prepared and have to learn this process as we go. Please be kind and patient with yourself and continue to express your feelings here. We hear you, we feel your pain and we want to help however we can.
I'm so very sorry you are going through this.
(((hugs)))
And it never ended there, my dads secret affair surfaced, my only best friend for 8 years left me for good. I am left with nothing but virtual friends in another city or country whom I fear talking to too much for I might drive them away too.
My mother was an amazingly strong woman, I never gave myself a break and I thought if I acted otherwise I would be a disgrace to her memory. I am now completely alone. Caring for her and balancing it with a job was my whole life. I have no idea what to do with myself now. I try my best to keep myself busy, painting, reading, studying for my Mphil entry test in July but I can't focus anywhere anymore. Im afraid Im turning into a wreck and I can't help but feel like a failure. I just wanted to make her proud.
Thanks again, and sorry my venting gets out of control sometimes.
I don't like to think of grief as stages we need to go through. That makes it sound like some tour of an art gallery, and after we do the rooms in the right order we understand art.
Yea, right. Not this boy!
I think that grief is more like waves of emotions that come over us. Sometimes these emotions are generated by us, other times they are generated by random experiences we have.
Letting down is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of intelligence, intelligence that recognizes that we do not have the experiences necessary to properly process it all! We do not dis-honor our parents by breaking down.
We are all in the process of rebuilding a "new normal" for ourselves. It takes time, but it is well worth it!
Gentle hugs
The best thing for you to do for yourself is to be kind to yourself. You lost your mom, and that is painful. You are allowed to be sad as long as it takes to be sad.
My grandmother died many years ago and I still think of her and cry at times. Some times I miss her like it was yesterday.
HUGS.
It took me a long while to understand taking a break won't be a sign of failure, by then I was too far in the mess. But I'm trying my best to get back up now, some days are better than others. I want to continue my education too, if I can bring myself to get out of bed that is.
You have some heavy things going on in addition to your grief. Sorry you had to find out about your dad at a time like this. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him. If not now, then some day. I can understand why you may think that talking about your grief "drives friends away" The truth is people just don't know what to say and may feel useless if all they can do is nod in silence. Plus there is the fear of saying something stupid and upsetting you.
That is what makes this page so special. People here "get it". Please continue to talk to us.
Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.
Dear Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the strength to go on.
I guess.
I lost my older sister, my only sibling, several months ago. I feel like dying everyday. It's torture. We were extremely close and she was my main social circle. There was so much we wanted to do together and now she's gone forever. I will NEVER be over this and I don't ever see my life improving.
I think society praises those who are quick to "be over it" and are "strong" and are right back acting like themselves. If you are miserable and heartbroken and lonely, something is wrong with you. I am angry I have lost myself. It feels strange because I can tell I am a different person and I don't like it. That is not something I will get over.