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The best I can explain it is like PTSD but with a long line of unfortunate events and grief.
Lymphoma in 2006 survived but lost my physical strength, Love of my life dumped me because I was no longer 100%...okay his loss but made my confidence a bit shakey.
Radiation took one kidney and left me medically fragile.
Just at the 5 year mark to ba ablr to claim "cured", the Lymphoma came back in 2011 and I had 5 month of Chemo and I finished that 12/29/11.
On Jan 14th Mom was diagnosed with lung/liver Cancer Stage 4 and on Feb 19th my Dad shot himself because he could not bear the thought of being without being without Mom. I lost my Mom just 13 days later in the same room I had been in the previous Nov for Chemo complications.
I lost the only sibling I had and her children at that moment too because they took their money after yrs of only showing up for gifts/money/food and had in their eyes no other reason. She didn't die but she may as well have...She won't come around me unless she thinks I have something she can get.
I have survived cancer for the 3rd time in my life, but I had to move from my home to a smaller place so in other words, I also lost my house moreover due to not being able to work...1 drug in my Chemo is making my nerves in my feet die, they're painful and are going numb. I had to close my business through all that...not only with Chemo but now with the nerve pain in my feet, I can no longer work so I'm on disability which pays near nothing.
In a rural area where I had to move to be able to afford, I met a wonderful man with common likes and I knew him about a year and he asked me out for his B-day dinner the next day and he was killed that night in a car crash only weeks after I lost my Bullmastiff Dog-child on Super Bowl Sunday. I also just found out my bestie is losing her battle of a condition that Drs. can't find a cure for and I'll suffer the loss of her too.
There's days, I'm great and I'm busy but then I come across something as stupid as the red laser lights my dog used to chase and I have a melt down. It's been 3-1/2 yrs. and I miss my Mom so much and I know she'd have the just right right thing to say as I would to someone else in my position. But I can't seem to come up with anything to get me past the totallity of everything thing people think I've done so well with.
Lymphoma in 2006 survived but lost my physical strength, Love of my life dumped me because I was no longer 100%...okay his loss but made my confidence a bit shakey.
Radiation took one kidney and left me medically fragile.
Just at the 5 year mark to ba ablr to claim "cured", the Lymphoma came back in 2011 and I had 5 month of Chemo and I finished that 12/29/11.
On Jan 14th Mom was diagnosed with lung/liver Cancer Stage 4 and on Feb 19th my Dad shot himself because he could not bear the thought of being without being without Mom. I lost my Mom just 13 days later in the same room I had been in the previous Nov for Chemo complications.
I lost the only sibling I had and her children at that moment too because they took their money after yrs of only showing up for gifts/money/food and had in their eyes no other reason. She didn't die but she may as well have...She won't come around me unless she thinks I have something she can get.
I have survived cancer for the 3rd time in my life, but I had to move from my home to a smaller place so in other words, I also lost my house moreover due to not being able to work...1 drug in my Chemo is making my nerves in my feet die, they're painful and are going numb. I had to close my business through all that...not only with Chemo but now with the nerve pain in my feet, I can no longer work so I'm on disability which pays near nothing.
In a rural area where I had to move to be able to afford, I met a wonderful man with common likes and I knew him about a year and he asked me out for his B-day dinner the next day and he was killed that night in a car crash only weeks after I lost my Bullmastiff Dog-child on Super Bowl Sunday. I also just found out my bestie is losing her battle of a condition that Drs. can't find a cure for and I'll suffer the loss of her too.
There's days, I'm great and I'm busy but then I come across something as stupid as the red laser lights my dog used to chase and I have a melt down. It's been 3-1/2 yrs. and I miss my Mom so much and I know she'd have the just right right thing to say as I would to someone else in my position. But I can't seem to come up with anything to get me past the totallity of everything thing people think I've done so well with.
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Well, good morning to you!Today is National Roller Coaster Day. Are any of you going?It's also National Tell-A-Joke Day! Come up with some and share!I'm not bright with jokes these days, but I'll start:"Today I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I'll let you know." :D
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Woke up feeling very emotional and about to clock in at my place of employment. And can't place it all in writing but not been a good experience with my store manager or his boss. Defamation of my character is a concern. I've been losing appetite and weight. Trying to perform at work to keep myself from hospitalization as a result of toxic masculinity.
When you put years of your life into a big melting pot of pain it becomes unbearable I... Catastrophyzing makes life unmanageable
I have done this at times as well... I've lost almost all of my family as well... I find that when I do this it's time to focus on what I can do at the moment can help... Baby steps... What can I do to make today better?
I also have found gratitude to be really helpful... I might be grateful for a sunny day or a hot cup of coffee... Trying to appreciate the little things has helped me to see that there is a lot of good it can just get lost when overwhelming things have happened in life
I think koolman has a great idea... There are so many animals without a good home and love that would make their lives so much brighter as well as yours.... x