Bereavement Support Group
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So this....this is a long story.
A year ago last July my mom passed away. It was sudden, unexpecred, and happened while I was living halfway across the world. My husband and I flew home, theb returned and on October of that same year I found out I was pregnant.
When I was entering my second trI'm Ester of pregnancy, I started noticing heart palpitations. They came out as nothing to worry about. A few weeks later I found out I had gestational diabetes.
During my last two months of pregnancy I finally started talking to people about my mom. Things I remembered about her, things I missed.
I didn't tell people that I was keeping awake at night listening for my husband's breathing. Or waiting for my baby to kick. I didn't tell anyone that I had developed a fear of me or those I love dieing in their(or my) sleep.
Now my baby girl is 3 months old. She is beautiful and she is healthy. I still have a fast heart rate, but I'm pretty sure it means I need to exercise more and drink more water. It isn't dangerous levels of high. I took the post partum glucose test. I didn't retain type 2 diabetes.
But it runs in my family.
And occasionally my heart rate is a little fast.
And my mom still died in her sleep. I think now...over a year later...I'm experiencing hang ups over my mom's death that I never dealt with Beaune I got pregnant so quickly and dealt with that instead.
Tonight I found this board and wanted to make a post because I don't want to go to a grief counselor, but I do want to talk to someone.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
But by all means vent here as much as you like.
There have been 3 big losses in my life so far: my FIL, my sister, and my parents. (My grandparents were "old" and I was much younger, they did not impact me as much.)
My FIL had a heart attack and passed away in his car in the driveway. The others all passed in their sleep. All things considered, I think going in your sleep is preferable.
Yes, it sounds like you buried the grieving for your mother while you focused on you pregnancy; I can totally understand that! But you are right, you will need to come to terms with your mother's passing.
So how are you doing today?
For the most part I'm doing okay.....or at least I'm not spiraling into a pit of depression.
I've got a small shrine dedicated to my mom here in the house and I occasionally talk to her.
I miss her, a lot and often, but I'm thinking about her and I think that's a good thing.
Its mostly the constant thoughts of me or someone else I love dieing that's got me concerned. I've tried to make logic of it, rationalize the fear, but it's just kind of always there.
I am...sorry for your loss.
And so what if you run into your counselor. In fact, make that an "intake question" where you ask him or her what would happen if you did run into them in the community.
Counseling can make all the difference in the world! They have "been there, done that" and can spot pitfalls that we keep falling into, and help us avoid them.
I think that the fear of loss is there for all of us. The more recently we have experienced loss, the more we fear it. As time passes our fear subsides. I experienced a rather large earthquake decades ago. Right after that the slightest thing could send me into panic: a sonic boom, a helicopter over head, the dogs running into the house, a slammed door. As time passed I got over that.
Continuing hugs.
Having a new baby, hormonal changes and dealing with diabetes, not to mention your stress and anxiety level I hope you would consider seeing a therapist for yourself,
I live in a town that is not large and have run into my therapist, more times than not, just a nod of the head might take place. "Only a nod, if you initiate", your preference put forth in an office visit would be respected.
I talk to my Mom All the time, there is Nothing wrong or weird about doing so, in my opinion. Healing from grief is a process, it can't be rushed, so there is No Time frame... Take care, ML
The emotions of grief can be overwhelming, especially when dealing with postpartum hormones and emotions as well. You are very welcome here; there are wise folks here who can listen, empathize, and share their experiences as well.
Please do not discount the anxiety you are feeling about your beloved ones; you might try meditation and relaxation exercises, but Pepperman and ML are right, sometimes you just need a little FTF counseling to get "over the hump."
Grieving is a process and something that we good through when we've lost someone we love in one way or another.... If you are in the US there are often MeetUp's for grief ... Not grieving would be more odd to me so I wouldn't be concerned about seeing someone or stigma... If you belong to a church or some type of affiliation to a faith you could talk to a leader there
I'm glad you've found us though!!!.... DS is a great site.... Big hug....xo