I just lost my Mum a month ago. I can't offer any advice as i am so lost myself. I have no parents anymore and my stepfather in law is actively dying. Its coming up to Fathers Day in 3 days and I do not even want to get out of bed.
Hugs and thoughts your way.

It does not sound cliche to me. My sister had breast cancer for over a year and never told anybody in the family. It was stage 4. She recently died 7 months ago and our family is completely devastated. We are all walking around trying to deal with not knowing anything until she actually got so sick she had to be hospitalized and then she died. There are just no words to console me. Most of my family have moved on, gone back to the states they lived in, but me.....everyday is feels like my soul will crack wide open and each time there is an event that we attended in Chicago, I get so sick with grief that I wonder how I function everyday. My family is not aware of this as I function as I have always done, but that heartsick feeling is so overwhelming....there are no words, so I really do understand how you feel and will pray for your strength.

@Lostwithoutmum I cannot imagine what you are feeling because I am lucky enough to still have my mother. I'm so sorry you are experiencing all this heartbreak at once. My father passed away exactly a month till Father's Day and it will never be the same. Sending hugs to you is all I can do.
@OfficerGrandma I'm so sorry for your loss. My father was told her had a heart murmur at a completely unrelated doctor appointment. That was in late March '17. He was told to make an appointment w/a cardiologist and by that Saturday they told him he need to have an Airtic Valve replacement. They said it was very routine. I took him to his tests and they found nothing else wrong with his heart. He had the heart of a healthy young man. He also had absolutely no pre-existing conditions. He was in excellent health, in shape, took care of himself very well. He had never had a surgery before. On May 9th he went into surgery at 6:30am, it would take about 5 hours. My father had complications and the surgery lasted 12 hours. He was in SICU for a few days and I was able to see him open his eyes and recognize me the next day but he was intibated and couldn't talk. I asked if he was in pain while I held his hand and he tried moving his head to say yes. They immediately gave him More sedation and that was the last time I saw my father awake. My father ended up having a LVAD and a balloon pump and ultimately his heart and body could not handle everything. On May 17th, my father went to Heaven. My life has not been the same since and everyday I ask myself what went wrong. We have since then been contacted by the hospital and were not certain what to do next. I'm so sorry that everything was so sudden for your family. It was very sudden for us as well. My father lived with me my entire life including my adult life. We were a very close family. We did everything together.

Hi,

Devon, you have my condolences with your loss. Under the sad circumstance things do happen fast. And it's common and quite frequent to ask why our loved ones have to go. I completely understand. Only in the natural sense of it all death is not a penalty that is imposed for wrongdoing - all things die. I know that this loss is weighing upon you heavily, yet this sensitive time is all-important for you to heal and begin to fighting through your depression. Many people have a difficult time assuming blame for their misfortunes. Only don't allow yourself to be a scapegoat to unhappy and hopeless thoughts. Find useful resources to help you understand the process of grieving and please seek out for happy activities in which you may feel emotionally stronger, Devon.

Here is a link which I hope will help you to better understand what you feel now:


https://www.sharecare.com/health/grief-emotional-health/article/coping-with-grief

Warm thoughts,
Remiah

I am so very sorry for all your losses. We all know that the odds are we will outlive our parents, but knowing that does not make it any easier to take. There are some things that helped me get over the passings of my parents and sister:

First of all, I am not the only person to lose a family member the way I did. Others have, and they have gotten through it. Ergo there is a path out of the pain.

Second, we are all different, and the coping methods (or path out) that worked for one person may totally fail for me. Luckily, things that fail for others may work very well for different people.

Therapy is wonderful. Find a real life bereavement group, and go in it being honest. I told the leader that the spiritual breathing thing she liked to do at the start of each session was not going to work for me, but that I would be quiet and mediate in my own way. Just being with others who are hurting really helped.

Finally I learned that there is no such thing as closure. What there is is a state of mind where we accept what has happened, we accept that we don't like it, and we have found a new normal. Things that I would have gone to dad do discuss are now distributed to other people. (Wood working is shared mostly with my son, but my wife is taking an interest so that is really nice.) I have found a little bit of my parents in many people, and am able to share those things with them.

I also am able to become parts of my parents that I admire, and hope that my children and other family members are able to find something in me that helps them on their journey.

Hugs to all

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago after a brief battle with cancer. It all happened so quick -Im still in disbelief. My heart is broken.

I understand how you feel. I wish there was something amazing to say, but there isn't. The bottom line is this hurts. This hurts so bad that it takes my breath away. My dad was young, healthy, and gosh, so much fun. I can't believe he's really gone. :(

I've been reading a couple books that have provided some comfort. Ive been spending SO much time with my mom, and ive been crying/upset/defeated...everything.

Just be gentle with yourself. Whatever you feel is okay. Some days are worse than others..but just get through the shitty ones an hour at a time. Hugs.