Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
It's been 3 weeks now since my only child died from an overdose. I went to his memorial service in TX that his Dad and stepmom had for him. Even my husband who went to TX with me didn't attend, I was there with 60 friends of theirs and family members of the ex' For that I am so thankful it was a beautiful service. But I've been home a week, I've tried talking to my family, but they want to change the subject, they have also all said if I bring his ashes home, 'THEY WILL NOT COME TO MY HOME' and that it's sick... :( I brought the beautiful slide show and flier from the service and again, when I asked if I could share they all said no, or change the subject. I know they're concerned about me, but they're not showing it. I have 6 brothers, 1 sister, both parents still living but they all really stopped talking about him years ago, when he started using drugs, so why am I surprised they won't talk about him since he's gone? IT HURTS, not one of them has called to see how I am, or if they do call it's just to talk about anything but, even mom said well just think How I'll be if it's Dad? It's not!
Also, often people won't/can't talk about things they don't understand. And if your family wasn't able to speak of your son before his passing maybe they are carrying guilt.
Sometimes people think if they don't speak of it,.you'll heal faster. I'm going through that regarding my dad. People are uncomfortable with my pain.
Please know you're not alone. hugs
And yes, unfairly and often quite cruelly, there is a stigma attached to "how" one dies......overdose, suicide, etc. seem to leave some people without the ability to love and nurture and even try to recognize the pain and agony of the grieving mom. Too often the child (no matter the age) is "blamed" for the death and that turns into less compassion for the mom.....it's ridiculous and so hurtful.
You have so much to deal with right now, and it's only been 3 short weeks. You barely know what planet you're on right now....at least that's how I felt at only 3 weeks. First and ONLY priority right now it YOU. You have to take care of you....and that means resting, eating, drinking plenty of water, getting a little bit of exercise (just a short walk or something) everyday.
I chose to bury Kala's body, but I'll tell you the truth, a huge part of me wishes I had had her body cremated. I hear other moms in our group....ForMomsOnly....talk about their children's urns and it makes me wish I had one that I could touch, could take places if I chose to, and could keep in a special place of honor and tribute to my child. And if I did, I'd be damned if I'd let anyone...family or otherwise....tell me I could not! And if they chose to not visit me due to having my precious child's urn in MY home, well, that would be sad and would be hard, BUT, it would be their decision and I'd make it clear what MY decision was.....the urn is sacred and would be treated as such.
I know my family loves me and loves and misses my daughter, BUT, they are not the ones who call or who outwardly show their support. It's the moms of FMO, "strangers", who have held me and helped me....who have listened to me and cried with me....who have let me share my daughter openly 24/7 for 6 years, telling the same stories over and over without once telling me it's been long enough and I need to stop talking about her. The difference is KNOWING this pain....and only another mother who has lost a child can KNOW. I thank God everyday that I found this group.
I've learned that I have to forgive the others when they say stupid and hurtful things, but I HAVE to allow myself to heal on MY terms. And for me, that means I talk about my child every single day....I cry when I need to.....I laugh when I can.....and I share my heart and soul with the moms of FMO.
I also have a son who has battled heroin addiction. He is clean, but currently in jail. I know the challenges and the heartache of watching a child take so many chances with their life. I know the sleepless nights and the tears from knowing and worrying what my son was doing. I'm so sorry your son had not yet been successful in overcoming his addiction. I'm so sorry the addition won in the end. It's so, so tragic. But regardless of the circumstance, he is your baby boy and you love him unconditionally and always will, and your pain is no less than mine or any other mothers and you deserve no less than all the love and support and understanding there is to be had.
I send you tight hugs and lots of love and I pray today will be a tat more gentle than yesterday~~Teri
If you want your son's ashes at your home, that is your decision and no one elses. If they don't want to come to your home, then that is their choice and it's okay. But they don't get to decide what you want to do. So if you want your son's ashes at your home, then go ahead and have them at your home. Don't let those people dictate how you grieve or how you think of your son or how you honor your son. It is totally up to you how you do that and you do it in your way.
Below is a site from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to help you find a local suicide bereavement support group. Go on the site and you have to put your state in. (you can also wander the site to see where they have parent survivors and you might want to read that):
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=FEE4D90C-A27B-456E-36DDF23261B4378D