I lost my mother in August of 2014. She had dementia, but it was COPD that put her in the hospital and then into the nursing home where she passed away.

I lost my father in August of this year (2015). He went into the hospital in late July for hip replacement surgery. It did not go well, one thing let do another, and he passed away just shy of 1 month post op.

I lost my sister (my only sibling) in August of 2011. Hers was totally unexpected.

Mom's death was not unexpected, the doctor in the hospital urged us to get her into hospice and let her pass where she wanted. Dad was in denial, I sort of went along for the ride.

Dad's death was unexpected. Yes, he had a week heart, but he had been improving. But he had some pretty serious mental issues going on. (Several times he believed he was on a navy ship, or in Mexico, or at the convention center, or, ... ) But I did not expect it.

I think that what is hitting me hardest is the sum of the losses. Each loss by itself was bad, but when my father passed it marked the end of the family I was born into. I guess that is what is the hardest for me. That and my sister was supposed to be here with me as we dealt with mom and dad's estates.

You skirt around your mother, is she part of your life? It sounds like she either tried to shelter you from bad news, or she typically keeps you in the dark about things. Does this play into your difficult time?

I know that the holidays are hard. I do have my wife; our children are grown but live less than 1 1/2 hours drive away from us (depending on traffic) and my wife's mother lives with us. My wife's family ranges from 3 hours away to 1/2 the country away. So we do see them, but not regularly.

I guess I'm suggesting that you cling to the family and friends you do have, and pace yourself when it comes to thinking about your father and aunt. I know that when I do things that my parents did, the memories come back. If I am not ready to deal with them, that is when it hurts the most.

Hope this helps a bit.

Gentle hugs

This year I lost my mum on August 26 she had pancreatic cancer which spread to her liver and she just gave up. She went in 5 days, so quickly we watched her die. Then my mother in law passed away 10th october, she had MND, same thing, she gave up and watched her die too. Our family is broken, my grandson is 4 and has behavioural issues, he has just been in hospital with suspected meningitis.
At the moment I can't even function, I am so sad and depressed. I feel broken.
However to know I am not alone is a comfort, I feel like you do. It was mum's birthday thiscweekend, we had a party and sent her birthday messages to heaven on Chinese lanterns.
I send you hope and care.

PepperMan, my mom is definitely a factor. She has always kept me in the dark regarding anything that isn't pleasant to talk about. She also kept me and my aunt from contacting each other for years. When we moved from the city an hour north, both parents decided to sever ties with their families and never explained to me or my brother why they decided this. As an adult, I found as many relatives as I could. There aren't many. Now all that's left is one great aunt and one second cousin on my dad's side and four second cousins that I just found (from my aunt's address book after she passed away) on my mom's side. She would not be with my dad or my aunt as they passed away. I drove right by her house on the way to be with Dad and she still wouldn't come. She wouldn't see my aunt even though 4 of us offered to drive her. There is nothing wrong with her physically. She didn't like my aunt much. That wasn't reciprocated. My aunt had a life insurance policy and will with my mom as the sole beneficiary and now that I've had more opportunity to talk to the people in her life, she always spoke of my mom to everyone with great affection. She wouldn't come down to help with the apartment, nor would she allow the mail to be forwarded to her, so I took care of it or it would have fallen on who knows whose shoulders.
Christmas is hard because Dad always enjoyed it so much. Birthdays are harder for me. The first date of Dad's passing was extremely difficult and immobilized me for 3 days. I struggle with the guilt of the realization that he must have been so lonely in his last days. Mom said she had visited him but I learned from his roommate and the nursing home staff that no one had come.
I don't have family left to cling to, however I do have a strong support system of friends, acquaintances, and work colleagues (present and previous). It's difficult for them to relate to what I'm going through though, and my work schedule prevents me from taking advantage of most counselling offered through Hospice. I have been a reader of this forum for months and it has helped too, seeing everyone else's experiences.

So sorry for your recent losses too, Debra, and so close together! I hope that your grandson pulls through his challenges. I know how difficult it is to navigate without a solid family structure. Like PepperMan said, cling to your friends. They really do help, even if they don't know how.
So many have told me over the course of the year one common piece of advice- be kind to yourself. I am listening and following this the most. It can be hard for someone else to hear, "I'm not ready to talk about that yet.", but I do keep boundaries intact for this. Some parts are still just too raw to bring up yet.
Sending you peace and hope and encouragement.

I sort of understand how parents try to keep bad information from their adult children. But I reject it, and have promised my children to be more honest with them about health issues for my wife and myself.

I wonder how many people have parents who mess up their grown children's lives. From the people here I imagine that it is way too many.

Continuing hugs