And not to mention the horrible tests that eventually broke her spirit. The doctors wouldn't treat her without test, after uncomfortable test, after uncomfortable test. The last test literally made her want to die (it was an MRI). I really resent all the doctors and all their bullcrap for making my wonderful mother run around from test to test while they sat on their butts and didn't help her at all.

Sure I do! My brother had colon cancer, and I'm of the opinion removing the tumor FIRST, while he had a relatively high T-cell count, in the hopes he'd then be able to digest food and get his strength back, BEFORE chemo, would have been better than chemo first, then removal of tumor. The chemo wore down his immune system and T-cell count so much he died of sepsis after surgery.

But who's to say at this point? He's gone. Yes, this stuff WILL drive you crazy if you let it.

I'm not a big fan of doctors, and worse, pharmaceutical companies, either.

Oh, I can only imagine you anger, frustration and heartache. I know I would feel exactly the same way in your shoes. Oh my god, I do feel your pain. This is making me think of my own mom and how I would feel if I had drag her around and subject her painful tests that did no good. All doctors want to do is run tests.

You would have had to search for a doctor that would take your concerns to heart and even then would they do the operation based on your research? I"m sure they would have said 'no, this is the best course of treatment' or they usually like to do other things first before they get to other types of treatment.

What makes me mad is mostly at myself. My sister had heart failure and I wish I had pushed her to go to the hospital when she said she wasn't feeling well instead of waiting 2 and half days later when it was to late. She had so many cancelled and rescheduled doctor appointments, she would have seen the doctor that weekend she wasn't feeling well too and I"m sure that would have saved her life because they would have put her right in the hospital then. I just don't know what to do sometimes. Just so many things we could change after the fact.

I am also not a big fan of doctors. I have a slightly enlarged thyroid but the blood work always says my thyroid is normal. I have all the symptoms - fatigue, some hair loss, always cold. One doctor actually yelled at me and asked me why I thought there was something wrong with my thyroid. I never went to see her again. Some doctors have this attitude that if you question them, etc., they get quite huffy. It's like you have to check your brain at the door on the way in and sort of tip toe around!

I can understand being frustrated! There are times I wish I had a full blown autopsy to find the exact cause of my dad's death. I'm pretty sure that it was a botched hip transplant that needed to be redone, and the LONG wait between surgeries (7 hours or so) and all the medication that they pumped into him that day.

But none of this would have brought my dad back.

There is a line between being an informed patient, and trying to substitute decades of medical training and experience into a bunch of google time. There are so many symptoms that have meaning in one context and no meaning in other contexts. We would drive ourselves crazy trying to do this for every health emergency our loved ones encounter.

I'm not saying to have 100% blind trust of 100% of the doctors we encounter, certainly not. We just need to find our level of comfort when we make medical decisions.

Just don't bet stuck in the blame the doctor part of anger. It can consume us and make us miss out on living life.

Gentle hugs

Right on, PepperMan.

My situation is a bit different from the standpoint that my dear husband's brain cancer had no chance of a cure- it's 100% fatal. What makes me mad is the doctors knew that but still put him through surgery, radiation, and several chemos. Each thing took away more of his ability to think or have any small amount of normal life. He had no good days for the 8 months he lasted. I would now do nothing and maybe have a few weeks of the man he was rather than the confused scared guy they turned him into. The many tests were so painful it broke my heart to watch him go through it. So in summary the doctors took away his self. I resent it very much.

The medical world is horrible. I've seen both my husband and my dad go through some shit that we as their loved ones are trying to make the best decisions for them. I literally had to hang out in my husbands room almost 24 hours a day because the nursing staff didn't communicate well. My husband had his kidneys fail the overnight nurse shouldn't giving him an IV it was on their communication board in the room for Christ sakes!!! So he had to go through diaylsis sooner than he might have if the communication was there!!! He was drowning in liquid he gained 80lbs of water weight. But you can't beat yourself up about the medical field and the decisions you made it will drive you crazy. Hugs, Donna

I always ask my doctors what the consequences are of not doing what they suggest, be it medication or surgery.

my name is vader.I am 68 years old and old enough to be your grandmother.I am sorry about your mother.A hug goes out to you.And I share your sorrow also....3 years ago the owner of the bookstore that I attend lost his only child.She was 18 and she had to get a bone marrow.Well..the insurance did not cover ANything expermintal in Washingto Insurance does not cover.We had a fund raiser to pay for her medical experses.She got the bone marrow and it like you said of your mom..(broke her spirit)...She developed an infection and she passed away at 18.As far as I am concenred...I do resent doctors and they are horrible in part of Washington.It is disgusting the pain that she went thru and it was all because my friend does not have the money.I hope that I did not upset you.Here is a hug...vader.