@RMS: oddly, I have always been a believer in heaven and hell. I say oddly because when my mother died, it really made me question those beliefs. I'm not sure why. She was a Christian woman so it wasn't that I worried about her soul. I just suddenly couldn't picture heaven anymore. I am slowly, very slowly, finding my way back. I've never really wondered about why God allows suffering because I've always believed the answer to that was we have free will to make decisions. Obviously some bad things that happen have nothing to do with anything anyone does. I tend to think that what I can see isn't the BIG picture and that only God can see the big picture. Sometimes I wonder IF the Bible is not true. IF there is no heaven or hell, then what happens? And I have no answer to that.

my name is v ader and I am 65 years old and I am old enough to be your grandmother.I have lost a great deal of people since I moved to seattle in 1995 And in 2003.I lost my mother.My mother had a stroke and had to be put in a nursing home.She died in June of 2003.She was 84.My mother and I never got along and there were some issues she never forgave me for..but I miss her and I do hope that people reading this will resolve any conflict with their parents before it gets to late.The biggest sorrow for me was on 8/1/2004.My older brother died suddenly.He was 68 and I do
miss him.My brother accepted Christ with one of the tv people and he believed in his heart.I do believe he is in a better place and I do not believe that god allows suffering.A drunk driver who causes these horrible accidents was not sent by God.He had his free will to stop drinking but instead he/she had to get behind the wheel of the car and this causes heartaches.Some things just happen and this is what I believe and i kn ow that I will see everyone in my family again and I hope to have a nice retirement and I hope that I have helped.vader and the cat..(kramer)

Thanks Vader. The dr. called today and wants me to meet with her at 4 this afternoon to discuss hospice for my dad. I had quite a bit of emotional baggage with each of my parents, but when it came time to take care of them, all of that just dissolved. it just didn't matter anymore. There are questions for which I will never have the answer, but they just are not important anymore. I went and spent an hour with my dad this afternoon, just watching him sleep. all the pictures that came in to my mind involved the good times and good memories. he wasn't perfect, but it doesn't matter. i promised my mom years ago that i would take care of him if she went first. I have done the best i could to keep that promise.

Jaclyn - I was so sad reading your post, and I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. My father just got diagnosed with a leukemia (AML) relapse yesterday, and my mom, who has had severe-enough Parkinson's requiring 24-7 home care continues to deteriorate. You had written that you know you can handle it. Any words of wisdom? How do you cope with all the hurt? I'm scared of watching them suffer, and I'm scared of how I'll feel after they're gone (I'm also an only child).

Thanks.

I am very sorry for your loses. Try to remember the good time instead of the hurting. I know it is hard, however, you will get through it.
I do know what you are going through with your Father, I went through that with my Mother.
One day she is my Mother teaching & playing with me, then one day I looked at her and thought when did my Mother turn into my Grandmother, then one day I wondered when my Mother turned into one of my Children.
It is the cycle of life and I would not give up that time with My Mother for anything! We were very close for my entire life. I am surrounded by my husband and children and I still felt alone for a long time after my Mother died.
You joined this group, so you are on the right path of mourning and taking care of your Father.
PS: Go get a new Furrbaby. It will make you feel better.

I put him in hospice on wednesday. My sibs kind of wanted to do a feeding tube instead but I told them to go do research. then they changed their minds. His sister and her husband came in yesterday (thursday) to see him. He never completely wakes up. Just dozes. wont take any nourishment at all. Dr. says the disease is telling not to. Sigh....Hospice called last night at 8:45 for me to meet them at the nursing home. He had died just a little bit earlier. Went to the funeral home today to make the arrangements. will go to nursing home tomorrow to get his personal itesm; going to leave the clothing for them to use.

Emily, I expected his alzheimer journey to be longer than it was, so I knew I couldn't let the early days bog me down because I'd need my strength for the later and harder days. With him, the disease caused him to do thngs that were so funny-to me, anyway. He had loathed coffee his whole life but now drank 2 cups a day. he would dip his french fries in pudding and his cake in ketchup. I did not go see him every day. I generlly went once a week and stayed maybe 30 minutes. You have to take care of yourself, too. You can't let yourself get rundown or you won't be good for yourself or her. Do special things for yourself be a little selfish (that actually was in the hospice handbook). visit her, but when you leave, leave all of the feelings there.

Dear,
May God give you the strength. May God bless both you and your father. A warm hug to you.