Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
If this is too sensitive a subject with anyone here, please forgive me---you may only reply to this if you want to. But this is something that I've been dealing with for two months since my father's passing, and of course a part of everyone's grief process.
This may be something more appropriate for a psychiatrist, but how do you deal with memory triggers that come on after a loss? Mostly I'm referring to negative memory triggers, since positive ones are no problem (except that I'm not getting enough of them right now).
For instance, certain sights, sounds and smells bring back unpleasant memories of your loved one's loss, or your last days with them. It seems this mostly hits me when I'm at a supermarket or someplace; my eyes will fall on something that I used to buy for my dad, or something I would buy for him when he was ill and I was trying desperately to get him better. Or the smell of really cheap fabric softener, which I was using when washing his clothes, will hit me once in a while and it'll nearly turn my stomach. So many things bring about painful feelings, from the sight of his old medications to spotting a restaurant we used to eat at, or a program we used to watch together.
I'm into the second month of my father's passing and the pain is still with me. My financial problems aren't getting much better so far, and I'm losing my phone connection because of it. In a way, I don't care, because I'd just as soon give back mine and my father's cellphones and use pay-as-you-go. And while I hate the thought of the bank soon foreclosing the house Dad and I lived in for 9 years, for the most part I'm not sorry to leave the place. It was only home while Dad was with me, and I hate every morning that I wake up in this place. Even if (God forbid) I end up in a homeless shelter, in some sense it'll be a release.
Although I'm a Christian and know that suicide is wrong, at times I've longed for death---which is crazy, I guess, because if God didn't have a plan for me I wouldn't still be here. I'm just tired of being lonely and facing so much of this craziness alone, and I'm hoping and praying the day will come when I can finally move on with my life and put even half of this chaos behind me.
Yet I wonder sometimes if I'm not making myself a victim of this too much. I know that compared to so many other people my life is almost a picnic...ALMOST. I know there has to be a point when I go from "victim" to "survivor"---I just don't want anyone to rush me.
Sorry, guys...I really needed to vent.
This may be something more appropriate for a psychiatrist, but how do you deal with memory triggers that come on after a loss? Mostly I'm referring to negative memory triggers, since positive ones are no problem (except that I'm not getting enough of them right now).
For instance, certain sights, sounds and smells bring back unpleasant memories of your loved one's loss, or your last days with them. It seems this mostly hits me when I'm at a supermarket or someplace; my eyes will fall on something that I used to buy for my dad, or something I would buy for him when he was ill and I was trying desperately to get him better. Or the smell of really cheap fabric softener, which I was using when washing his clothes, will hit me once in a while and it'll nearly turn my stomach. So many things bring about painful feelings, from the sight of his old medications to spotting a restaurant we used to eat at, or a program we used to watch together.
I'm into the second month of my father's passing and the pain is still with me. My financial problems aren't getting much better so far, and I'm losing my phone connection because of it. In a way, I don't care, because I'd just as soon give back mine and my father's cellphones and use pay-as-you-go. And while I hate the thought of the bank soon foreclosing the house Dad and I lived in for 9 years, for the most part I'm not sorry to leave the place. It was only home while Dad was with me, and I hate every morning that I wake up in this place. Even if (God forbid) I end up in a homeless shelter, in some sense it'll be a release.
Although I'm a Christian and know that suicide is wrong, at times I've longed for death---which is crazy, I guess, because if God didn't have a plan for me I wouldn't still be here. I'm just tired of being lonely and facing so much of this craziness alone, and I'm hoping and praying the day will come when I can finally move on with my life and put even half of this chaos behind me.
Yet I wonder sometimes if I'm not making myself a victim of this too much. I know that compared to so many other people my life is almost a picnic...ALMOST. I know there has to be a point when I go from "victim" to "survivor"---I just don't want anyone to rush me.
Sorry, guys...I really needed to vent.
You're only 2 months into his death? Thats very very very soon. Give yourslef time to breathe and unfortunately dealing with the memory triggers is just something you will learn in time.
Its been over two years since my Dad's passing and I still get them, and they still ache in my chest.
*hugs*