I don't know how to move forward. This week I'm trying to let the ache in my soul where my brother still lives be an honor to carry. We were estranged when he died two years ago, but Big Bro lives on in my heart. I honor him with every tear.

Just trying. . .

Just believe he is in no more pain. But always with you

My husband died 3 years ago and I used to ask myself the same question. Could I have done things differently...did I help him enough? Was I kind enough? I remembered something my Mom told me back when I was raising my kids...I was feeling guilty about working and missing out on their day-to-day changes....like their first step; losing their first tooth....you get the picture. Anyway, she said, "any decision you make on behalf of your children, made out of your love for them, is a wise decision". I apply that logic to the decisions I had to make for my husband...he had brain cancer and could no longer make his own decisions. Somehow it makes me feel better because I put so much thought into choices I had to make...and they were always based on my love for him. Hope this helps a little.

Big hug for you Yeti..... I think that this can be part of grieving..... I have had these feelings as well

We move forward one day at a time.... Your brother is no longer suffering and I don't think he would want you to be either

I try and remember my folks all of the wonderful days that they lived not just the time that they were dying and I believe that, that is honouring them and it's what they would want for me..... Another hug.....

A RL grief group might be of help..... xo

I"m so sorry for your loss, it takes time. Do not confuse loss and sorrow for guilt. Just say you miss him and loved him. Sometimes we put on ourselves unnecessary guilt. When I get that way I take ginseng, since it stops the negative sticky thoughts that loop around and around. Also, I take magnesium since it calms the mind body and spirit. I love the brand Nature's Sunshine, it works great, you order it online. Also, write out memories and thoughts about who he was, donate some time and/or money in his honor to a cause of choice. Put your time you have now into helping someone else, there are many who need help, and volunteering fulfills us. Blessings in this healing time for you! <3

I understand where you are at in having to care for a sibling who is suffering from cancer. My oldest sister died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm, died in her sleep. My other only living sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 6 years ago and suffers every single day. I live 3,000 miles away from her and go back to help in any way I can possible about every 3 months. I say all that to say, you give as much as you can for the time that you have and your actions and love walking through this journey towards the end spoke unconditional love to your brother.
I know you miss him. I'm not sure the hole they leave in our hearts ever gets fully healed or gotten over, we just learn to live a new normal without them and we move forward, some days backwards, but still taking them with us in our hearts daily. We take them with us through remembering sweet times had together, a scent, a song a road we traveled along together. One thing that helps me when I"m having a rough time with grief is to journal during my quiet time in the mornings before the craziness of the day begins. I write things I would have said to my sister had she not have passed on so quickly. I journal, I write down songs, scriptures, memories. It helps to get them out, but also chronicles where I am at this moment and I've been known to go back and read what I've written before and see how far I've come in dealing with grief and it just helps to read what I've written. It honors her even more. God bless you brother, you are not alone. Your brother loved you, you gave your very best to him.