Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Broken...

QueenZ
QueenZ

Hello everyone, i'm glad that I found this group. I know that it will be helpful with me expressing my feelings. I lost my mom in 2011 to cancer. At the time when she passed I was in 10th grade, I took care of her from the beginning to her last days. She was my number one supporter, my backbone, my strength, my EVERYTHING...when she passed she took a part of me with her. There is a hole/void in my heart that will NEVER be filled again. It's especially hard around the holidays and her birthday which is on Valentine's Day. Some days are harder than others. A day like today is one of those days where reality set in that I will never get to talk to her, hug her, kiss her, embrace her, or be in her physical presence ever again. I'm happy that she isn't in pain anymore but I miss her sooooooooooooooooo much. Words could never express how much I miss her. I just feel so alone. I'm sad, angry, hurt, and depressed all in one. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to because my family always tries to tell me HOW I should feel & I hate that...so I just avoid the conversation! My bf doesn't understand or can't relate because his mom is still alive. I tell him all the time that I understand he can't relate to how I feel but sometimes I just need to talk and cry & stop letting everything build up inside of me. I just need a place where I can vent, get things off my chest, and interact with people who are experiencing similar situations...I know this is going to be a great place. Please feel free to respond...

thecrackeddishb
thecrackeddishb
Sometimes I feel grief just needs a release valve. It doesn't have to sense to anyone but me. I'm so sorry u don't have your Mom. It's got to be hard. Thinking of u today.
QueenZ
QueenZ
Thank you so much, it is very hard. You're so right, dealing with grief sometimes you do need to release everything. That's what i'm working on now because I hold everything in and I feel absolutely hopeless. These are the times when I need her and her guidance the most; Since I don't have that I feel so lost. I know she's always with me spiritually but I miss her physical being.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
Welcome to the group! I am so very sorry for your loss, and the reasons that brought you here. But pleased to meet you.

I lost my dad in August of 2014, my mom in August 2013 and my sister in August of 2011. No more birth family for me, but I have my wife and 2 children, and they mean the world to me.

I know the feeling of losing somebody who can never be replaced. Perhaps if I was a young child when I lost my parents I could find new ones, but at my age that position is closed. Like you said, never to be filled again.

But I do chose to fill in those voids. There will never be a single person who can be all my dad was to me; likewise for my mother and sister. But I can let other people fill part of the void, and that is, I believe, my path to acceptance. It may or may not work for you.

You are young, even if my math is off by a few years. (I am 63) While you are no longer part of a mother daughter relationship, you may very well be the mother in a mother daughter relationship at some point in your future. I am lucky in that I have 2 very different, well defined, and wonderful parent-child relationships in my life. I wish that I still had the other 2 (where I was the child in the relationship) but I feel that I honor my parents by being the best parent to my children as I can; just like they were the best parents they could be to me and my sister.

Gentle hugs, and again welcome.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Queen and Welcome..... I am so very sorry that you've lost your mom....... I was very close to my mom as well and I agree that the holidays can be hard when you're missing family members
I have lost my birth family now so I understand that loss
Venting is good sweetie and DS is a really great site.... I'm glad you're here.... Another hug and a blessing....xo
yorman1
yorman1
Queen Z, it is certainly never easy to lose a parent. I also lost my mom at an early age. I was only 13 when my mom passed away from breast cancer. In those days there was not much that they could do for that particular cancer. She was a great mom a beautiful lady with a heart of gold. She did so much for her family and friends. She was always the first respondent to any problem at all. Unfortunately she died a very slow painful death. She was a devout Christian and offered up all of her pain and sufferings. The only expletives that she ever said when in pain was gee whiz. I promised her that I would always make her proud of me and that is the way that I have lived my life. So I say to you be a living Memorial for your mom and always be the best that you can be. Knowing that someday you will be together again. God bless.Ron
QueenZ
QueenZ
@thepepperman Thank you so much. Pleased to meet you as well. I'm so sorry for your loses. You sound like a strong man who loves and cares for his family. I have a great support system with people who kind of fill the void of my mom. But, they will never be able to completely fill that void. I love them dearly though. I hope that when I do become a mom that I can be half as great as my mom was to me. I pray that you, your wife and your daughters continue to be blessed.
QueenZ
QueenZ
@suncloudjd Thank you so much. I am sorry for your loses as well. This is a great site, i'm really glad that I found it. I'm glad that I will be able to get things off my chest. We will get through this together. Sending hugs and blessings your way :)
QueenZ
QueenZ
@yorman1 I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like she was a very strong, dedicated woman. I can imagine that her inner beauty matched her outer beauty :) A mother's love is truly amazing, nothing can ever compare to it. I will continue to make her proud. I know that she is living her life through me now. I can't wait to meet her again. We will get through this. Continue to be blessed.
Lolita_Lynn
Lolita_Lynn
I lost my mom to cancer in 2008. While working I had Wednesday afternoons off. My mom would always call me and ask me to take her to lunch. Every Wed we would try a new restaurant and I would pay. We talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Six months after she died one Wed. I rushed home from work to get changed so I can call my mom and take her to lunch. When I picked up the phone it hit me like a wall that I would never see my mom again. I couldn't stop crying for 5 hours until my boyfriend got home and found me in the closet. It is just as painful now as it was then. And now my dad died suddenly in Jan. 2017. I too am broken but I find comfort talking with others who feel my pain. When I see people with their parents I think about how lucky they are and if they only knew the very real pain that comes with losing them. Keep your head up. You're not alone.
QueenZ
QueenZ
@lolita_lynn sorry for the late response but I definitely can relate to your pain. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and your dad. I enjoyed outings with my mom as well. Just being around her even if we weren't doing anything was the best. I wish that I could hear her voice one more time. I feel the same way when I see other people with their moms. I always think they just don't know how blessed they truly are. If you ever need to talk i'm here...continue pushing on.
ComplicatedGrief
ComplicatedGrief
Hi. I lost my mom when I was 10. I still miss her and i feel a huge gaping dark hole. I wish she was here and i could feel her love. I find it really hard to talk about my feelings because i dont wang other people to feel bad. I hate everything about the fact that she died and just feel really confused and in pain. I find that accepting my feelings and letting them move through my body is a bit of a relief. Distraction and doing productive things also help in the short term. Hope you start to feel better soon.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
@ComplicatedGrief;

Please do not feel that you have to hide your feelings here. We have come to this group because we have grief that we need (or needed) help with.

Please do not read too much into this statement: I do not let the grief that others express pull me down. This does not mean that I do not care, far from it. It does mean that I choose to be just enough detached and objective about the grief that others express so that I can cope; I consider it an honor if you return this to me.

If we take the suffering of others too personally we lose the ability to offer support. OTOH, if we dismiss it completely then we can not truly offer support. We all find our own personal balance here. So please, PLEASE, feel free to express yourself and what is on your mind

Gentle hugs
ComplicatedGrief
ComplicatedGrief
@ThePepperMan Thanks for your kind words. I was actually referring to sharing my feelings with people i know. I feel happy to share my feelings here, and also like to keep separated enough to support and empathise at the same time. In the real world people are more afftected by what you say, particularly if they are someone close to you.
All the best
vwidow
vwidow
Lolita-L, We have some times in common: I lost my Dad in 2008 and my husband Jan 2017. (My Mom from cancer in 2002). Time numbs some of us of the sharp feelings of grief when the losses occur. Some of us not. I was thinking just now the younger you are the harder it is, but if you've spent many years with someone can't that hurt just as much?(when you lose them) So everyone is hurting, and like I said elsewhere death is nothing to live with. All we have after they're gone is our memory...
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